It really sucks how I have tests and papers due all on the same week. That really makes it hard for me to fully concentrate on one thing such as this paper. I really need to manage my time better. I’m wondering if other people have this same problem.
Anyway, after reading the professor’s comments, I have realized that I have too many ideas for this short 3-5 page paper. As we wrote a group essay in class, I’m sure most of us found out that their thesis may have been too broad. This paper is about recreating a classroom and that requires details on the looks of the classroom. I haven’t really wrote much details on how my reinvented classroom would look like. There are many parts of my writing where I put down my idea, but I was not specific in detail and examples. Quotes are also a problem for me because I know I need to have some evidence from the book to include in my writing too.
First, I need to narrow down my ideas into maybe just one or two of my strongest ideas. This way, throughout the paper, I can be more detailed about each idea and give supporting examples. I must be able to paint a picture of a specific classroom and show/analyze how and why it works to be able to convince my readers. Then, I need to find quotes to support my argument. I believe this is pretty much it for this first revision.