Blog Post II.II
Originally, I kept these two paragraphs together, but I realized that once they were divided into two it makes the essay flow better. Dividing up the long paragraph on the first page creates more of both literal and figurative space. It seems to lengthen the amount of time throughout the distress by leaving that detail as the end note of a paragraph. Then the perspective immediately pulls back to what transpired consistently throughout the day. Also, they happen to flow well together because both the last sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph deal with the same issue in a different way.
Original:
…Instantaneously, after removing my lips from his skin, I began to tear. The mangled distress slowly began to swell exponentially. That day and only on that day, I cried continuously. I could not stop. My duress was incredibly loud, but for some reason it did not seem disruptive to anyone else in the church…
Change:
…I felt an immediate overwhelming uncharacteristic upheaval of sorrow, which I had never experienced. Instantaneously, after removing my lips from his skin, I began to tear. The mangled distress slowly began to swell exponentially.
That day and only on that day, I cried continuously. I could not stop. My duress was incredibly loud, but for some reason it did not seem disruptive to anyone else in the church…
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