Advanced Essay Writing, Spring 2013

Will you do any writing in these internships? Maybe. Maybe not. But they look (potentially) interesting.

Summer Internships WABC

Hi Guys,

Below is the link for the creative writing site I showed in my presentation last night. I am still trying to upload my PP slideshow onto my blog from Google Drive. Does anyone knows how to do that? If, so shoot me and email.

Thanx,

Cass

http://www.languageisavirus.com/

The myth that your life flashes before your eyes prior to a near-death experience might be true for some people, but not for me. However, I did witness a flash; it was a huge white flash, much like that of a camera, which temporarily blinds you for close to a second. But the metaphorical photograph taken was not a pretty one. The graphic, high-resolution image of bone, skin and blood, laid out on a New York City street, was agonizing. Maybe even more so than the physical pain.  For the moment, my leg was the victim of a million torturous paper cuts. Although instead of paper slicing my skin, it was a tire that cut through my bone.

I woke up drained and confused. Drained of blood; pale and cold, but 20 pounds heavier; immobilized and frightened. Five doctors, nurses and surgeons stared down at me, making incisions with their eyes, post-surgery. The veins from my left arm extended into the bedside IV machine. To the right cried a small infant, similarly attached to a liquid-pumping medicinal monster. I was bedridden and hopeless. My right leg was drilled together with four cold, metal pins.

It was only the beginning…

In my original essay, there was no large break between the first and second paragraphs. I think adding some extra space between these two will help the reader realize that there was a significant time gap between the actual accident to when I woke up after the surgery. It will also let the reader relax, and absorb and understand what actually happened to me. I like the significant change of content and choice of narration. It moves from a vibrant, scarring description to a sort of delusional revelation.

The second break I played with was isolating “It was only the beginning.” In my original essay, this sentence was a part of the previous paragraph but I think isolation works better. It adds a bit of thrill, and makes readers anxious about what they are about to read next.

BLOG POST 2.2

Dear Reader,

I rewrote a section of my essay revision, changing several paragraph breaks.

Paragraph breaks were changed with tenses of verbs used, length of sentence, subject of body text, and length of paragraph.

This definitely was more difficult than expected. The following, denotes paragraph sections before and after changes.

I do not know if changes improved writing, but rewriting paragraphs did force me to think and see writing differently.

SECTION OF REVISION; BEFORE

The purpose of NAFTA was to expand trade between the US, Canada, and Mexico. Expanding trade would allow countries to become more competitive as well as strengthen and build businesses. As businesses grew in size and strength, economies; in other words, nations; would also increase in size, strength, and resources.

Trade tripled, and US exports grew by 156%. Gas and food prices were reduced, due to the removal of tariffs. Services such as banking and healthcare quadrupled. However, in spite of this success, there were several costs and setbacks. With manufacturers moving to Mexico to take advantage of reduced labor costs and wages, US jobs were destroyed, and wages were lower in certain areas. Mexican farmers were exploited, and the environment polluted, due to the lower cost of corn and grains. Mexican farmers were forced to farm marginal land and use more fertilizer, causing pollution and deforestation.

Despite these setbacks, NAFTA, was the largest trade agreement in the world and largely successful. All three countries could maintain their independence, yet work together.

A novel agreement in 1994, NAFTA, based on an earlier set of laws, were necessary reforms needed by all three countries for some time previously, allowing for, and the hope of, a brighter future everywhere.

REVISION SECTION REWRITTEN; change of paragraph breaks

The purpose of NAFTA was to expand trade between the US, Canada, and Mexico. Expanding trade would allow countries to become more competitive as well as strengthen and build businesses.

With businesses growing in size and strength, economies; in other words, nations; also would increase in size, strength, and resources.

However, controversy dominated negotiation.

Negotiations, concerning necessary reforms needed for some time previously, by all three countries, did eventually resolve, reaching its conclusion in 1992.

December 17, 1992, leaders in Canada, Mexico, and the US convened, signing NAFTA.

Despite setbacks, NAFTA, the largest trade agreement in the world, was largely successful.

All three countries maintain their independence, yet work together, allowing for, and the hope of, a brighter future everywhere.

Once again, I do not know if changes improved writing, but rewriting paragraphs did force me to think and see writing differently.

I want to be sick.

I want my voice lost from cold, my nose running like the Hudson river. I want my body ache as if I were beaten so severely, all my organs go nuts as if I were injected with strong stimulants.
But my body is different.
I wet it in the rain, in the cold November’s rain, but it still seems to be unbeatable like it’s always. It’s so appreciative toward the rain. Instead of going against rainy weather, my body goes with it. It flowers at the touch of rain. It breaths at rain’s wet smell. I feel relaxed and blooming as nature.
My mind is the sweetheart of my body. It keeps the body romantic and lively.
I enjoy their romance.

And sickness envies their affair.

In this brief new writing, I use six short paragraphs under one section. I was confused at first, thinking how it would sound. But reading it at different times and with several pauses, I found it harmonizing and flowing together from one paragraph to another. I also feel each word is very important in each sentence and stands out alone.
Single line paragraphs, now I think after composing this writing, are very useful in writing about a brief moment that rises all of a sudden but leaves a significant impact if quilted properly. It’s like dreaming, appears for good few seconds but shows a lot. Every word deserves utmost attention. Unlike long paragraphs, where sometimes more important words get lost under the crowd of less important one, short paragraphs hold all words conspicuous and unique.

                                                                     __________                                                         

               After the month was over we went back home. Things were unpacked, the small packet grandmother gave me was stuffed into a drawer in my room, forgotten. Till a few months later the visitor came back. I was ready physically however unlike last time this time it was for the mental change. The hormonal changes were distorting. I didn’t feel like myself, sad one minute and happy the next.

               I didn’t change from girl to woman at once. For Taiwan’s push at a formal break from China it felt like how I was separating from was my childhood. For Taiwan it was a repeated speech, spoken before but never granted or acknowledged.

                My break wasn’t heard but it was acknowledged because for me I can’t go back. I was being granted, physically, the adult status that I wasn’t ready for. Where Taiwan felt it wasn’t being given the independent it was ready for. That for Taiwan would eventually be a good thing given the rebellious years to follow.

                However my change is permanent, there is no going back. Just glad that along the way I had friends and friendly advice to help with the issues. Sadly, Taiwan still has a long way to go.

______________________________________________________________________________

For this I used my final draft of essay one. I did paragraph breaks following a theme indication and shift in time. I had indicated a section break prior to these paragraphs as these were told in a different time and place to the rest of the story. It places paragraphs uner the section break as something different.

After that I broke apart my last paragraph into three different paragraphs. Before it was one giant paragraph making it difficult to read and understand what was being said.

In breaking it up into three small pieces it makes it easier to read. Why I broke them at those sentences were due to change in theme/sentiment of the sentence. I didn’t notice till this blog assignment that I read written this last paragraph with some pattern in every two sentences or so thus why the paragraphs were broken in that order.

I tried leaving this line by itself, “Sadly, Taiwan still has a long way to go.” However it didn’t look or read right so I left it alone.

Earlier that month, Jazz singer Ella Fitzgerald passed away, and my siblings and I were forced to listen to her tracks non-stop for almost 3 weeks. My victory signaled the end of the grieving period. As we sang along to MJ’s Bad, Mom glanced back at me smirked and winked; this was the going to be the story of the summer.

Joy.

The next year as I was gathering my gear for the first practice of the season, my dad says “go get the laces out of Ella, they’re good luck” it took me a minute to realize that he had nicknamed my old blades.  Eyeballs rolling in the back of my head I ran and got the laces, it was going to be a long day.

Pain.

Explanation: I broke my last paragraph into 4 sections to emphasize the different shifts in tone and time. The first break has a light informative tone followed by a one word paragraph that plays on that vibe. I did the same for the next two breaks which is shifts the time frame to the following year and expresses an opposite tone then than the beginning breaks. I think this works because by using shorts paragraphs I am allotting the reader the chance to pause and reflect on what the reading is describing while answering the who, what, when’s.

Excerpt:

After fifty minutes of spacing out and worrying about this paper, the bell rang and I practically ran straight to my teacher. I wanted to understand why he didn’t like my essay. This one grade was already beginning to make me doubt my talent as a writer. In fact, I was heart-broken.

I was worried that maybe I wasn’t as good a writer as I always thought.

Was I only fooling myself?

***

We sat down to talk after class, and I was relieved to see that his human side was still there. The chalkboard was crammed with notes from that day’s class, and on his desk sat a battered copy of The Fountainhead, his sheet of notes and a messy pile of extra handouts. He gestured for me to hand him my paper and I relaxed a little, but I was still worried. He made space on his desk and then browsed through my essay as if to re-familiarize himself with it. These were his first words: “I could that tell you worked really hard on this. It’s definitely well-written, no punctuation or spelling errors, and that’s great. But, my concern is, when you’re describing humans, you’re not digging deep enough.”

I nodded and allowed him to continue, expecting this to be a one-way conversation. But to my surprise, he said: “Forget about this paper for a minute and tell me, in your own words, what you think it means to be a human being.”

In this example I actually included a section break and three paragraph breaks. The portion above the asterisks were originally one paragraph, and the portion beneath was also one long paragraph. But after playing around with paragraph and section breaks, I think I found something that works. The breaks are definitely effective because I feel like it changes the rhythm of the piece and how it’s read. I went for a section break between the end of my class and the meeting with my teacher, because it would tell the reader that I’m going into a new phase or a new direction.

The one line paragraphs that I made places a lot more emphasis on those simple sentences, and it reads better in my opinion. Readers now have a brief moment to ponder how I’m feeling before they get to the next event. And after I quoted my teacher at the beginning of the meeting, I made another paragraph break for a clear transition to my reaction. I think readers would be less inclined to rush through the paragraph if it’s structured this way.

I chose Ruthan Robson’s creative nonfiction piece titled “Notes From a Difficult Case” to focus on for this blog post. The powerful nature of the subject matter and the methodical style of her writing (perhaps related to her role as a CUNY Law professor) was gripping. In my opinion, the most effective paragraph break is the second one in middle of page 232:

I weighed less than one hundred pounds and was so thin it hurt to sit on a chair. I had fevers that clawed at my bones. I was so weak I crawled down the hallway to the bathroom. I lost all my hair, even those sweet little hairs on my toes. 

This paragraph break struck me as the most moving in what is a heart-rending story. Robson closes the previous paragraph with “Pain and suffering are incalculable.” Yet what she does in the paragraph that follows is vividly describe to the reader the brutal physical and mental toll. These four sentences paint a grim picture that the reader can’t escape from; one can’t skim over this passage to move on to the next part of the story. She strategically breaks the paragraph after listing all of the ill effects, allowing the reader to truly absorb the gravity of the situation.

“And I expected, as the fissure closed, that my first wife would disappear.

I was wrong.”

This simple paragraph break is effective in Callahan’s short essay “Chimera” for a number of reasons.

The style of the second paragraph, a simple sentence, is a repetition of a style that he uses earlier in this section of his essay.  This powerful and abrupt use of the short sentence creates a sense of a past reflection by the author; he has led the reader to believe one thing but then put an immediate stop to that thought process by contradicting himself.  In this particular example, he tells us what he understands in the preceding paragraph, implying that time would heal wounds and the memories of his wife would fade away.  By negating this statement with the phrase, “I was wrong”, Callahan is opening the essay to the explanation of this particular paragraph break and creating a sense of confusion to which the reader can relate.   The final sentence allows for a smooth transition into the body of the essay and leaves the reader wanting to understand what it is that the author was so wrong about.