Advanced Essay Writing, Spring 2013

“…if I had been a little less stubborn, a little more awed by authority, a little less economically privileged, a little more charmed by tranquilizers, a little less able to research my own disease, or simply unlucky, I’d be dead now.
And you would not be reading this.” (Robson, 244)
I found this transition to be extremely effective for two reasons: Firstly, the way this sentence is read is as if said in one breath. As a reader I almost felt overwhelmed by the lengthy sentence and felt that it mirrored the author’s sentiments as someone going through such a trial. Secondly, I felt this sentence played in to the cause and effect. She sums up how certain aspects of her own personality, seemingly unrelated to cancer as a disease in itself is responsible for her recovery. What she says is true, if she did not have these attributes she would not have survived. These attributes were her saving grace, after all, even those whose jobs it was to save her- could not had it not been for her taking initiative. I felt that both the style of the sentence coupled with the content demonstrated her story of survival succinctly and powerfully.

“In other words, the doctors screwed up more than their biopsies” (Robson 8, Paragraph 1)

This is a very interesting read, and the way Robson structures his content is genius. As an attorney, Robson is very careful with legal writing and clarification. Throughout his essay, he quotes doctors and lawyers and uses many medical terms that the majority of the general public would not understand. After he pinpoints the incorrect hypotheses from the doctors, he very bluntly states that they “screwed up”. It adds humor to the piece as well, because when reading through the medical terms, the average reader just goes with the flow, and acknowledges that the terms are harsh and complex. And then suddenly, a casual direct statement implies that although the doctors amy seem smart with their jargon, “basically, they suck”. This paragraph break is genius not only because of the completely redirected tone, but also the repetitive nature of it. The previous paragraph break reads “In other words the doctors screwed up their biopsies”, after pinpointing some more medical mis-conclusions. The second one tacks on some more fire power, and gains the reader’s support.

From Callahan’s ‘Chimera’:

“Until one day, what remains is truly and thoroughly a mosaic, a chimera- part man, part woman; part someone, part someone else. And then, if that man or woman is amputated from us, clipped as quickly and as cleanly as a gangrenous leg, our minds are suddenly forced into a new reality – a reality without the other, a reality in which an essential piece of us is missing.” (378)

Although the transition is from one lengthy sentence to another, I feel that the author maintains the flow of thought without interruption. The picture of a man made up of parts of his wife (the reality of his whole). The  break from this wholesome picture to the broken one painted in the following sentence  was to me beautiful not only in meaning, but in structure. The break there was necessary, I think it made the picture of the amputation more vivid, and put emphasis on the transition from something whole to something broken. I really love the way these two sentences create a full picture, a journey from one state of being to another- one paragraph ending, and another beginning.  In this instance, the writer emphasizes the contrast between something whole ( a mosaic) and then made it shatter (an amputation); it’s imagery and structure put together to evoke a strong feeling in the reader.

”But I live with this terrible knowledge: that if I had been a little less stubborn, a little more awed by authority, a little less economically privileged, a little more charmed by tranquilizers, a little less able to research my own disease, or simply unlucky, I’d be dead now.
And you would not be reading this” (Robson, 244).
This paragraph break is very effective to my eyes because I think the transition in between two’s is cause and effect relation. She writes throughout the whole story about her being misdiagnosed with incurable cancer, and, consequently, mistreated by tranquilizer and chemotherapy. However, she knows what she wants: to live on like everyone else, like the Doctors at World famous cancer center.
She is still alive because she didn’t want to die; we still read her experience because she had faith on herself while the famous doctors hadn’t, and were unable to treat her with a little more empathy. Stubborn she was against the doctor’s decisions and the death. She challenged them she wasn’t going to lose this battle. To prove herself right, she only had faith backed by facts found in extensive research on incurable disease done by her and freedom in economy that enabled her to go out-of-network cancer center. Here I want to add one more vital reason that she explains in this text which is mind- body relation. This is kind of off tangent issue relating to what I was asked to write about, but still I want to correlate it with her ”keep-hopes-up” mentality that eventually leads her toward the survival after all these suffering and agony.

Moreover, the single lined paragraph explains the greatest truth of her life- she is still alive. It is the outcome of all the work she had done, all the tough time she had passed during the journey to her destiny. She highlights the unity of her every little steps, from personal characteristics to fortune, which helps her to make it alive. I think this is what that makes it work because causes cause effects.

I found this informative and relevant, you all might find it interesting too: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/16-nonfiction-forms-and-how-to-write-them/

Dear Readers,

Thank you for reading my essay.

My goal was to create suspense, share a truthfully story from my past and how has it has shaped my perspective towards life

I surely would benefit from:  “Unity of tense” (Zinsser p50)

Although I believe the essay flowed nicely. It would have been delightful, if I allowed you to time travel through my story in an effortless manner, by employing the “Unity of tense.”

I  also should have shared a better understanding of the dynamics of my uncle’s life and personality.

I should have provided you with an example of how this event has changed my life.

Furthermore, I could have explored the African American connection that my family shares with President Obama.

Thanks,

Jay

One piece of Zinsser advice of interest, discussed in class as well, included that words, are the “tools” of a writer. They should be “used with originality and care…Good writers of prose must be part poet… ” (page 36).
Also, “…develop a respect for words …. And about their shades of meaning…”. (page 32).
Rhythm, pattern, sound, uniqueness, length of sentence, etc. should be considered. Sentences should move along at various “gaits”. The order of a sentence can be reversed, the sentence length altered, a unique word substituted, and/or a phrase added, with emotional weight.
I believe I can pay more attention to rhythm, pattern, sentence length, uniqueness of words, etc.; perhaps, all of the above, to achieve better writing.

Michelle Polson
English 3680: Essay Draft 1

Dear Reader —

In 1994, I signed a lease to one of several favorite apartments. The same year various national and international agreements were signed. Many more occurred than I have mentioned in the following essay. Correlating such agreements to the much smaller scale of signing a lease, was difficult. However, learning of such agreements was of interest.
One piece of Zinsser advice of interest, discussed in class as well, included that words, are the “tools” of a writer. They should be “used with originality and care…Good writers of prose must be part poet… ” (page 36).

Also, “…develop a respect for words …. And about their shades of meaning…”. (page 32).

Rhythm, pattern, sound, uniqueness, length of sentence, etc. should be considered. Sentences should move along at various “gaits”. The order of a sentence can be reversed, the sentence length altered, a unique word substituted, and/or a phrase added, with emotional weight.

I believe I can pay more attention to rhythm, pattern, sentence length, uniqueness of words, etc.; perhaps, all of the above, to achieve better writing.

In 1994, I signed a lease moving into a favorite apartment. It was a great little apartment, sunny and bright, with wood floors and moldings, as well as high ceilings and whitewashed walls. It was an older building; the type no longer built today. Although an older building; both building and apartment appeared fresh and new to me. The high ceilings, moldings and chandelier were special, interesting, and had a beauty of their own.

Located in NYC; a major metropolitan city, my apartment had easy access to all; transportation, such as buses and trains; stores, supermarkets, work, etc. The apartment, fresh and new, although in reality an older building, had easy access to all.

On a much, much smaller scale, it was similar to various national and international agreements and/or contracts signed the same year. Some of those agreements and/or contracts included: nationally, former president Clinton’s State of the Union Address; internationally, NAFTA, as well as the Kremlin Accords. Also given the same year were several Nobel Peace Prizes.

January 25, 1994, Bill Clinton delivered his State of the Union Address calling for health care reform, the ban on assault weapons and welfare reform. Necessary reforms, these reforms were needed by many, and at the very least, to reduce the budget; maintaining the economy, and in effect, the nation; with its prosperous businesses and population.

Fresh and new, but based on an earlier set of laws, these necessary reforms were needed by the economy for some time previously, allowing for, and the hope of, a brighter future in the US.

On an international level, in January, 1994, NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, was signed. This was an agreement and/or contract between Canada, Mexico and the US, creating a trade bloc between nations. This trade bloc allowed for open trade and equality between countries, and the elimination of tariffs, on particular items. Items such as eggs, corn and meat became tariff-free. With open trade and easier access to goods, such would be amenable to all. All three countries could maintain their independence, yet work together.

January 14, 1994, former president Bill Clinton and Russian president Boris Yeltsin signed the Kremlin Accords, stopping nuclear missiles towards each country’s targets. The Kremlin Accords also provided for dismantling of the nuclear arsenal in the Ukraine. Such actions would hopefully continue in their entirety and allow for a brighter future.

October 1994, Nobel Prizes were given for Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Literature, Peace and Economics signifying major advancements in these areas. Some of the recipients were Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres, and Yitzhak Rabin.

My apartment also on a much, much smaller scale was the hope of a bright future; many twists and turns perhaps but bright and forward always.

All agreements and/or contracts and actions were based on previous older systems, situations and laws, and allowed for major advancements and improvements. All would hopefully continue in their entirety, and allow for a brighter future across the globe.

How to Kill a Man Without a Plan?

It was November the 5th 2008. The day after President Obama was first elected. “I killed it all!” my uncle said. His expression was odd, but then I thought; what might one learn from a killer? There are so many reasons why one should never kill; but in my uncle’s line of work it was a hit after-hit after –hit! He believed he was invincible.

“Jay, this is not right! How can I ever do something so carelessly? I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I don’t even sleep anymore. I killed it all!” my uncle said with a grievous tone. He was not referring to taking another person’s life but my uncle spoke as if he was directly responsible for a homicide.

“How did you kill it all, uncle?” I asked. I knew he was an extremely successful music executive through 1980’s and early 2000’s. He instructed me to look at President Obama and to think of what brought him to the White House. “That’s someone who has ‘It’!” he stated. “What does he have?” I replied? He responded in a ministerial tone; “it’s clear he has a whole lot of things but he most definitely has a plan!”

“I killed millions of dollars and murdered countless hours!” he said tiresomely!” Then he stated, “I killed it all because I had never had a plan. I was winging it the whole time. Obama won because he has a plan! You need to get a plan and everyday work smarter at accomplishing your goals!”

This was a tremendous turning point in my life. I discovered what having a plans means. I analyzed my uncle’s success, along with his current position, including the accomplishments of President Obama as he won the White House. That exercise enabled me to understand the importance of developing clear aims for my future. Furthermore, in an extreme sense, my take-away from my uncle’s conversation: not having a plan is almost like living without a life.

I have always had trouble with conclusions. For some reason, I can never end an essay or any other writing piece in a satisfactory manner. It always feels awkward or clumsy, regardless of how great the rest of the work sounds. In reading the chapter on leading sentences and end sentences I think I might have found some advice that could help.

Zinsser says, “The perfect ending should take your readers slightly by surprise and yet seem exactly right. They didn’t expect the article to end so soon, or so abruptly, or to say what it said. But they know it when they see it.” (Pg. 63) When I write a conclusion I usually try to simply reconnect with the first paragraph and recap the whole essay. Zinsser is suggesting that I should try to offer readers a bit of a surprise instead, at least for creative nonfiction writing. Rather than reconnect to the beginning I could offer something slightly new but still related. Although I don’t fully know how to do that, the idea is stuck in my mind and is certainly something I will attempt in the next piece I write.