Advanced Essay Writing, Spring 2013

Blog Post 3.1 due by class time on Wednesday, Apr. 3.

 Listen to “20 Acts in 60 Minutes” (on the “Listen” page of the blog—scroll down until you see it). As you listen, note down the stories you find most compelling. After listening to the entire show, listen to some of your favorites again and whittle down your list to the top 3-5 most compelling stories.

In a blog post ON THE CLASS BLOG (NOT on your personal blog), list your top 3-5 stories; identify 2 or 3 qualities that your chosen stories share that might account for them being compelling to you. Briefly reflect.

Jay, Rebecca, Kris

Sofia, Nakeisha, Michelle

Darius, Iordan, Zhanna

Andrea, Amzad, Avi

Cass, Tenzin, Hutch

Jenny, Jessica, Alee

Originally, I kept these two paragraphs together, but I realized that once they were divided into two it makes the essay flow better. Dividing up the long paragraph on the first page creates more of both literal and figurative space. It seems to lengthen the amount of time throughout the distress by leaving that detail as the end note of a paragraph. Then the perspective immediately pulls back to what transpired consistently throughout the day. Also, they happen to flow well together because both the last sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph deal with the same issue in a different way.

Original:

…Instantaneously, after removing my lips from his skin, I began to tear. The mangled distress slowly began to swell exponentially. That day and only on that day, I cried continuously. I could not stop. My duress was incredibly loud, but for some reason it did not seem disruptive to anyone else in the church…

Change:

…I felt an immediate overwhelming uncharacteristic upheaval of sorrow, which I had never experienced. Instantaneously, after removing my lips from his skin, I began to tear. The mangled distress slowly began to swell exponentially.

That day and only on that day, I cried continuously. I could not stop. My duress was incredibly loud, but for some reason it did not seem disruptive to anyone else in the church…

Will you do any writing in these internships? Maybe. Maybe not. But they look (potentially) interesting.

Summer Internships WABC

Hi Guys,

Below is the link for the creative writing site I showed in my presentation last night. I am still trying to upload my PP slideshow onto my blog from Google Drive. Does anyone knows how to do that? If, so shoot me and email.

Thanx,

Cass

http://www.languageisavirus.com/

Noam: Tell me something interesting about yourself!

I was eighteen.  My status was “legal”, my curfew non-existent, my beverage of choice was tequila (or whiskey if it was bought for me, or champagne if it was one of my weekly birthdays). My extra-curricular activities consisted of napping, dancing and eating french fries too late at night.

I was in Israel and my parents were in New York.

Me: I don’t know, you tell me something interesting about you first!

It was September of 2008, and I had embarked on a year-long journey to Israel on a volunteer program. Our only rules were to attend our volunteer jobs on time daily, keep our apartment presentable and to be present for one weekly meeting with our fellow roommates. Each night was a declaration of our freedom. People drank too much, conducted themselves poorly and were lucky enough to have friends whom were willing to drag them home. As the novelty of going out every night began to wear off we began to limit our nights out to Thursday nights because (at least for the ladies) while the novelty of drinking every night and waking up early to go to work lost its’ sheen, a strapping Israeli man in his army uniform did not. Thursday night marked the start of the weekend for Israeli soldiers and so did it mark the start of the American girls’ weekend. Clubs and bars were filled with extremely attractive men, only made more attractive by their well-fitted green uniforms.

Noam: I have have five cats!

This bizarre conversation marked the night of my first kiss.

***

I chose to experiment with paragraph breaks by applying them to my first essay. Upon deciding exactly what I would utilize as my page breaks I decided to play with the assignment by breaking up the conversation I feautred and using those quotes as my paragraph breaks. I feel that it has the potential to be effective since upon my essay’s completiong I felt as if my message was almost too direct. By using the quotes as paragraph breaks I feel it maybe more engaging to the reader. Following the excerpt I’ve posted I was thinking of then making a break in the center of my original essay (signaled by stars) and only then start to relay my message to my readers.

“A professional student?  We had one of you in the family before,” she said, her piercing blue eyes fading quickly from the present, back to somewhere less cloudy.

I smiled as the brogue slipped off of her tongue and brought me back to the cloudy skies and cobblestoned streets she was remembering from her childhood.  The scent of her lavender hand lotion rises into the air as she grips her cup of English tea, hands shaking ever so slightly.  She returns my smile.

“Yes Grandma, I know,” I reply, swallowing back tears and turning away.

—

Just a few years earlier, we had walked those streets together, snapping pictures of my younger brother in front of statues of famous soccer figures and popping into the occasional pub for a mid-afternoon shandy.  Our apartment for the week provided views of bright red double-decker buses flying down the main street on the wrong side of the line; further outside, the early morning fog rose over the River Mersey, leaving what lay beyond the shoreline a complete mystery.

This was the first time it happened.

“Where are we?” she asked, looking around with genuine concern and confusion.

 

This is an excerpt from my second essay.  One major break that I used in this passage is the section break, indicated with the double dashed line.  This break makes it clear that there is a change in both time and place, with the first sentence of the second section leading the reader to recognize that this is a flashback section and that I am writing the rest of the essay in the present tense.

A second strategy that I used in the second section was a one sentence paragraph: “This was the first time it happened”.  This is different from the single paragraph quotes because it is not simply dialogue, but a clear statement.  It is a phrase that is important for the reader to recognize and a style that I plan on repeating throughout the rest of the piece.

The myth that your life flashes before your eyes prior to a near-death experience might be true for some people, but not for me. However, I did witness a flash; it was a huge white flash, much like that of a camera, which temporarily blinds you for close to a second. But the metaphorical photograph taken was not a pretty one. The graphic, high-resolution image of bone, skin and blood, laid out on a New York City street, was agonizing. Maybe even more so than the physical pain.  For the moment, my leg was the victim of a million torturous paper cuts. Although instead of paper slicing my skin, it was a tire that cut through my bone.

I woke up drained and confused. Drained of blood; pale and cold, but 20 pounds heavier; immobilized and frightened. Five doctors, nurses and surgeons stared down at me, making incisions with their eyes, post-surgery. The veins from my left arm extended into the bedside IV machine. To the right cried a small infant, similarly attached to a liquid-pumping medicinal monster. I was bedridden and hopeless. My right leg was drilled together with four cold, metal pins.

It was only the beginning…

In my original essay, there was no large break between the first and second paragraphs. I think adding some extra space between these two will help the reader realize that there was a significant time gap between the actual accident to when I woke up after the surgery. It will also let the reader relax, and absorb and understand what actually happened to me. I like the significant change of content and choice of narration. It moves from a vibrant, scarring description to a sort of delusional revelation.

The second break I played with was isolating “It was only the beginning.” In my original essay, this sentence was a part of the previous paragraph but I think isolation works better. It adds a bit of thrill, and makes readers anxious about what they are about to read next.

…………………………..I was a member of the latter group: a group which consisted of people who thought it was just a transitional gig before his big break; those who saw this profession as something beneath them; those who always changed the subject when obliged to respond to “what do you do for living?” in front of a bunch of successful former high-school acquaintances. I remember thinking once, “if not for those generous scholarships, my parents would have probably made their worst investment to date.”

 I remember using my order pads more for making personal notes than jotting down orders from the patrons. I remember eavesdropping at a couple’s table sensing infidelity, and listening with awe a meeting between a writer and an editor.  I was learning a lot, but all at the expense of my self-esteem, which found a new bottom every day. Every day as a server, I encountered tiny epiphanies that frustrated me more and liberated me far less.

I felt that there was a disjoint between these two paragraphs–originally written as just one. In the first paragraph I am talking about the serving business in general and what kind of a server I was: you will see a lot of generalizations. And the second paragraph–which originally continued as the first paragraph– has more unique and personal experiences. The first paragraph is more of an exposition and the second is more of an introspection, which is very evident in the excessive use of “I” pronouns.

I tried using the “rhythm and repetition effect” as Callahan did in his essay, “Chimera.” I think that actually did a great job of connecting the two paragraphs. I think the first “I remember” sentence signals the transition from general to peculiar, which is the second paragraph’s tone and voice.

BLOG POST 2.2

Dear Reader,

I rewrote a section of my essay revision, changing several paragraph breaks.

Paragraph breaks were changed with tenses of verbs used, length of sentence, subject of body text, and length of paragraph.

This definitely was more difficult than expected. The following, denotes paragraph sections before and after changes.

I do not know if changes improved writing, but rewriting paragraphs did force me to think and see writing differently.

SECTION OF REVISION; BEFORE

The purpose of NAFTA was to expand trade between the US, Canada, and Mexico. Expanding trade would allow countries to become more competitive as well as strengthen and build businesses. As businesses grew in size and strength, economies; in other words, nations; would also increase in size, strength, and resources.

Trade tripled, and US exports grew by 156%. Gas and food prices were reduced, due to the removal of tariffs. Services such as banking and healthcare quadrupled. However, in spite of this success, there were several costs and setbacks. With manufacturers moving to Mexico to take advantage of reduced labor costs and wages, US jobs were destroyed, and wages were lower in certain areas. Mexican farmers were exploited, and the environment polluted, due to the lower cost of corn and grains. Mexican farmers were forced to farm marginal land and use more fertilizer, causing pollution and deforestation.

Despite these setbacks, NAFTA, was the largest trade agreement in the world and largely successful. All three countries could maintain their independence, yet work together.

A novel agreement in 1994, NAFTA, based on an earlier set of laws, were necessary reforms needed by all three countries for some time previously, allowing for, and the hope of, a brighter future everywhere.

REVISION SECTION REWRITTEN; change of paragraph breaks

The purpose of NAFTA was to expand trade between the US, Canada, and Mexico. Expanding trade would allow countries to become more competitive as well as strengthen and build businesses.

With businesses growing in size and strength, economies; in other words, nations; also would increase in size, strength, and resources.

However, controversy dominated negotiation.

Negotiations, concerning necessary reforms needed for some time previously, by all three countries, did eventually resolve, reaching its conclusion in 1992.

December 17, 1992, leaders in Canada, Mexico, and the US convened, signing NAFTA.

Despite setbacks, NAFTA, the largest trade agreement in the world, was largely successful.

All three countries maintain their independence, yet work together, allowing for, and the hope of, a brighter future everywhere.

Once again, I do not know if changes improved writing, but rewriting paragraphs did force me to think and see writing differently.