Blending In
Tried to take a picture of the man’s face but he gave me a stern look to suggest disgust. Was headed either to or from the synagogue. Stark difference between him and the background but through it all he still blends in and maintains his individuality.
Behind Closed Doors
Wasn’t allowed to take any close up. Boy just turned 13 and had his bar mitzvah. He is now a man and allowed to wear the black band to bring him closer to God. Radiates from the curtain.
droW s’doG
No black band, boy is younger than 13. Reading his prayer from the bible. Not rocking back and forth. Allowed me to get closer to take his picture.
Kiss and Tell
About to leave the synagogue. Kissing the mezuzah. Look of devotion in his eyes and overall posture. Arch of the door parallels the arch of his garb.
Sleep Perchance to Dream
Rocking back and forth during prayer. Very melodious movement, sleep-like. Silent prayer. Like his placement between the corner of the wall. Fits him.
Watch Your Word
Fully concentrated in book. Didn’t notice me. Presumably headed toward synagogue. Walked quickly past. Stark contrast in colors between him and his background.
Detailed Note
The synagogue looked forboding and desolate. I was the only female in the room but bystanders would not have noticed me behind the wall. “Stay behind the wall,” he said to me. How can I take good pictures under such conditions? I thought. I had so many pictures in mind to take but here this would be impossible. I just have to do the best I can under such circumstances. There was only one time I felt more like an outsider than at this moment and it was when a Russian person looked disappointed when they realized I was Jewish. My father stood beside me the whole time (he is my backbone and muse in life). Without him the situation would have been so much more stressful. Taking the picture of the boy who just turned 13 was the most difficult. I tried many times just from behind the wall but it was near impossible. I strayed from the original contract, then. I cheated. When no one’s eyes were on me I crossed the wall and came close to a curtain. Click. There it is; the picture that is a testament of will, determination, and brute rebellion. I became so conscious of the wall that it became an entity that leeched energy from me. Picture after picture to no avail. I was dribbling into myself, the camera shaking from my uneasy disposition. I felt like Tantalus except instead of water that lay before me until I stretched out my lips it was the perfect moment to capture. The perfect picture was right before my eyes but I could not come closer to entangle it with camera technology. No sooner had I come close to the wall I heard “behind the wall.” I could not risk bringing more attention to myself so behind the wall I stood, clicking away in despair and disappointment. There was so much potential that couldn’t convert into a kinetic force because of my genetic limitations. At least I can offer a glimpse into the world. A challange may not always bear fruits but it always bears worth.
“Behind Closed Doors” is one of my favorite images in this collection. The vague image of the young man behind the screen stresses the partition between us and the Jewish Orthodox world. Just as our vision of his figure is limited by the curtain, so is our comprehension of his world.