By Jose Hernandez

My Superpower: Honorable Mention

I love my mother, but bias aside I have to be candid and recognize that she is not special. She does not hold immense wealth; she is not famous nor is she powerful. She never had a career, she never went to college, she didn’t even finish high school. And no, she does not have a secret hidden talent. Honestly and respectfully, my mother does not know much. She is not tech savvy; she is not in tune with the political or economic state of the world. Seeing confused, worried and shocked faces as I basically bad mouth my mother is inevitable. I know she would be furious as well. However, although I am making it out to seem as if she has nothing to offer, she gave me and my siblings everything, even when she had nothing. 

I wish I could provide deeply personal anecdotes of my childhood that demonstrate my mother’s efforts to raise and educate three kids on her own despite the odds. Out of paranoia, due to the way things are now, I have to be careful about what I say. I can imagine her giving me that look, lips twisted and eyes squinted, as if I were being dramatic, laughing, telling me not to worry. Regardless, I will humor you with a story. 

I remember one morning I was sound asleep, peacefully and in bliss. I remember being so invested in my dream that I didn’t want to wake up. But I kept hearing loud sounds leaking into my dream from the real world. I was annoyed, but fought to ignore them, hoping they’d go away. Unfortunately for me, they only grew louder and louder. I gave up, said goodbye to my dream and woke up. After arising from my slumber, I suddenly recognize the sound and its location. It was my mother, cutting wood with an electric saw in our small living room at 9 a.m. I wasn’t surprised; she was always up to something. That day it was woodworking. But it never was just one thing with her. A month before that it was woodburning. Last year it was gardening and ever since our house has been overtaken by all kinds of plants. Just the other day, she showed me the mushrooms she was growing using naked corn cobs. 

Seeing her do all she could with zero knowledge planted a seed in my brain, I could do whatever I put my mind to, no matter what. This made me a very determined person. That doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen victim to the villains of insecurity and self-doubt. You can feel tiny when facing the ever-growing monster that over thinking is. I’ve let opportunities slip by, as well as time and effort. When I first started college, I felt ashamed that I was attending community college. I would compare myself to others and hate myself for not giving my all when I was in high school, especially when I knew that I was capable of exceeding expectations. I was scared that my path was going to lead nowhere. I became overwhelmed by all my self-indulging negativity and let two whole semesters slip by, which I still deeply regret. 

Now I am at Baruch, in pursuit of a bachelor’s degree and a master’s after that. You can let your past hold you back, or you can choose to pay it no mind. It may seem obvious, even simple, but as humans we tend to forget and stress over what we cannot control. I’m sure if my mother had caved in and dwelled on all her mistakes, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Reciting one of my favorite songs, Hate It Or Love It: “Whenever I’m in the booth and I get exhausted, I think — what if Marie Baker got that abortion?”

Science has shown that a mother is crucial to an individual’s development. But it wasn’t until I had to sit down and write this essay that I truly realized just how crucial my mother has been in my life. As I said in the beginning, I love my mother, exactly the way she is. She may not seem uniquely special in a stranger’s eyes. She’s definitely not a superhero. But she taught me how to remain strong through adversity. And, as much as I hate forgetting, she also taught me to not stress over what I cannot control. As she would say, “En la vida nada es prometido más que la muerte.” “In life nothing is promised but death.” Therefore, nothing will break me, but death itself. That is my superpower. And I don’t have to be superhuman to achieve it.