Psychology of Childhood and Adolescence in an Urban Context

I feel that the prevailing attitude toward childhood today, especially on the part of teachers and parents, is one of ambivalence.  There is a strange dichotomy whereby we allow children access to some very mature concepts and objects (in terms of dress, music, language, sexuality, etc) and at the same time lower our expectations of their ability to act in responsible and mature ways.  Children watch TV shows that handle very adult situations, listen to music with sexual lyrics and dress in designer clothing, but are often overprotected and not held to the highest standards in terms of achievement.

There are numerous factors at play in this phenomenon, and most of them are probably attributable to widespread changes in society at large.  There is an immense pressure for children to excel in sports, art, and academics as college tuition rises and job prospects for the future are uncertain at best.  With the advent of the internet and social media, people are more acutely aware than ever of what other people’s children are doing, and as we become an increasingly competitive there’s often a fear that people will judge each others parenting abilities.  At the same time, a doctrine has cropped up that encourages bolstering self-esteem and celebrating even the smallest of achievements.  We praise children who preform at grade level even though it should be the norm and as long as children “try their best” we are satisfied with their effort.  Essentially, we strive for our children to succeed in the eyes of friends, neighbors, and college boards, but are decreasingly confident that they will be able to do so.   As a result, we are experiencing the rise of the “helicopter parent”(as the Times Magazine article on 20-Somethings calls them) who hovers over their child at all times, schedules his day from breakfast to bedtime, calls his school and teachers weekly, does his homework, and micromanages the minutia of his daily life.  Although there’s certainly nothing wrong with parental involvement, it seems that we’re stifling our children, and in doing so, depriving them of some of the fundamental bases of childhood itself.

When we think of childhood, we often think of it as a time of unprecedented learning and exploration.  As children we had hours on end of free time to imagine, get into trouble, and make mistakes.  Most often the time spent away from the watchful eye of adults was probably the time that taught us about life, relationships and who we are.  Today’s children are not so lucky.  Extra-curricular activities have taken over playtime, and music lessons and tutoring sessions abound.  As a child I took part in some organized activities (Hebrew School, ballet lessons) but still had plenty of time to ring neighbors doorbells and invite myself in for hours of pretend games.  As long as I made it home for dinner and my parents knew who I was with, after-school hours were at my disposal.  Today, most of what I observe with children (cousins, family friends, babysitting charges) is vastly different.  “Playdates” are scheduled  via cellphone and email and often take place under the supervision of vigilant mothers and nannies; parents comb through backpacks and look at homework assignments long before their children ever do; and at most sporting events parents take on the business-like personas  of coaches, trainers and referees instead of fans.  My aunt, who has an eight year old son and a six year old daughter, once told us of a swim instructor who required all parents, even those of toddlers and preschoolers, to leave the pool deck during lessons after numerous incidents of parents shouting directions and undermining her lessons.  Parents are so deeply involved in the lives of their children that kids no longer have the opportunity to make mistakes, get hurt or fail–all things that help to shape us and build character.

In other arenas however, children are advancing much quicker than the generations before them, and making mistakes that most of us didn’t make until high school or college.  This New York Magazine article talks to middle school girls about their sexual experiences, and shows us that girls as young as twelve date, watch porn, and are asked by their male counterparts for nude pictures and sexual favors.  Because technology has made it nearly impossible to withhold information from anyone, children see what adults are doing and want to dress, talk and act like them.  And if there’s money to be made on selling hip-huggers and rap music to eight-year-olds then someone will meet that demand.

Because we don’t allow children the time and free-range to interact with their peers, they are socialized on the internet and through television with detrimental results.  There is so much focus on academic development that social and emotional needs lose priority, and kids who are expected to think about their futures from the time they enter kindergarten ultimately grow up too fast.