An essay is only half complete when it’s written, but it needs to become a masterpiece after repeated refinement. All the excellent works are the result of the writer’s careful revision.
Peer reviews gave me a lot of constructive feedback in the process of revising my essay because they were able to notice details that I never noticed in the essay. I summed up the three things they gave me that needed to be revised. First, they point out that I mention piano terms several times in my essay, but none of them are well explained. This causes the readers who are clueless when it comes to the piano to lose focus when reading the full text. Secondly, throughout the text, I didn’t mention how I fit into a community of discourse and there wasn’t any point at which I truly felt as if you were part of the discourse community. Thirdly, the body paragraph was writing about the process of learning piano and didn’t describe the struggles that I had while learning the conventions of the piano.
Based on peers’ suggestions, I will use a clear and concise way to explain some of the piano terms that I mentioned in the essay so that it can grab the reader’s attention and let them understand them well. Also, I would make an unconvincing essay fuller by adding a paragraph describing how my literacy sponsor provided me with the knowledge that I needed to participate in the discourse community of the piano performance and took me to step by step get into the discourse community. It will make my essay more substantial, clear, and vivid, like a tree full of vitality and lush foliage.
After I read my essay out loud, I noticed that there were some certain points that I didn’t notice while I am writing. The introduction of an essay is an important thing that I overlooked. The essay begins with a simple introduction, which is completely unattractive. I will rewrite a good beginning that will catch the reader’s attention. The introduction of an essay is the first door that knocks the reader’s mind and makes the rest of the lines flow more smoothly. For example, if you go shopping and you see a beautiful, clean shop with a clean front, you often take a look inside, because it attracts you. The same is true of essays, only a hooked beginning motivates the reader to have desires to keep reading. Also, integrate more realistic dialogues to show me and other character’s interactions. For example, I can add some dialogues appropriate between the literacy sponsor or the members of the discourse community and me. Dialogue is the most direct method of characterization and renders the plot. The description of the dialogue will show the character’s personality and let the reader know what the character is like, mild or cranky. The experiences of different characters will give a particular tone to this character’s language. An adult who has been through a lot will not speak childishly, and a child will not speak in a sophisticated language. All language is closely related to the character’s experience. In addition, dialogues are a vivid expression of the thoughts and feelings of the people, profoundly reflect the inner world of the character, and make the reader immerse themselves in a real situation. The largest problem of my essay is there was not enough coherence between the plots in the essay and some of the plots also happened very suddenly because my essay lacks padding. For instance, I can write about by what coincidence did I get the chance to perform for the first time. It makes the essay seem smoother, and easier to set up suspense for what will happen later in the essay, making it more convoluted. Also, make the reader curious but not immediately aware of the outcome, propels my narrative to the climax of the entire essay.
The meeting during office hours also provided me with insight that made me reflect on what sorts of memories will I begin with? Will I start at the beginning, middle, or end? The chronological order in the narrative is indispensable and time is essential in the explanation of the environment or background. It is also very important for the development of the plot and the evolution of the characters. In the revision process, I will use flashback at the beginning, which is deliberately not to write according to the order of time, but the ending of the event of a certain fragment is mentioned in front of the first narration. This allows the reader to “travel” from reality to my “memory”, thus achieving a sense of “being there”, and also allows the reader to retain themselves in a rational sense of reality and better orient readers to a sense of time across my narrative.
Professor and peers’ comments made a huge difference in my essay. Without feedback from them, my revision process might not have gone so smoothly. In the past, I didn’t want to revise my essay every time I wrote it because it was too tedious to take the time to revise it when it was already written. But I want my essays to be organized so that I will have to learn how to revise them in the future. A good essay needs a lot of tweaking and editing so that my work will stand out from the mediocre ones.