After receiving feedback from Zach on my literacy narrative, I took in the advice and suggestions and began revising my paper. One of the main aspects of my paper that was lackluster was my vocabulary. In the third round of revisions, my paper experienced an extensive improvement of vocabulary. I removed verbs like, “to get,” with, “upheave,” for example. Or, “became,” to, “engraved in my life,” for example. Additionally, I cut back on absolutist language like, “constantly.” Zach also advised me to link sentences together, which I had not thought of doing. Joined sentences were more fluent and easy to read. Additionally, I expanded on ideas that needed it, such as changing, “BMX gave me a creative outlet to express myself in different and unique ways,” into specific statements that unpacked what that idea meant. Finally, my closing ideas regarding the future of my place in the discourse community received a complete remodel and extension. I took Zach’s advice and tossed in another descriptive story of how my role in the discourse community evolved from student to teacher, in a story that I tell about giving a BMX lesson.
For the future of this piece, I believe I can improve on how I close it. My closing words are, “I hope to guide them through the discourse community of BMX, like I once was guided. I plan to continue learning about the cultural aspects of the BMX discourse community as well. ” I would like to reword this somehow or scrap it altogether. My future writing will implement the skills I learned during the process of my literacy narrative. I plan on looking back on the comments under this piece to remind myself to apply these strategies in future writing.