English 2100: Identity and Representation

When the professor handed out the assignment explanation sheets, I started feeling anxious, nervous that everyone would hear my voice and know about how my childhood shaped me as a person. I was conscious that they’d notice my slightly Indian American accent a lot more after they heard my essay. However, listening to other people’s essays made me feel a lot more at ease because I knew I wasn’t the only one who had a history when it came to being bilingual. Although all my classmates had stories which were close to heart, 3 stories made a huge impact on me.

Maria’s story about overcoming the struggles of not knowing English when she first began school in the United States made me assume that her story would end on a rather sad note. However, she talked about how she not only overcame her struggles but turned her weaknesses into her strengths. She began to help other people like her which not only helped her grow but the person on the receiving side of the help as well.

Gary on the other hand had a slightly different yet truly emotional story to share. The fact that his parents kept their move to China a secret from him until they all boarded the plane really struck me. Although the magnitude of my struggle wasn’t as huge as that of Gary’s considering English is well-taught to children in India from a very young age, I felt empathetic towards him. His story had a hint of hope and success for the future which made it really appealing to me.

Another story that felt so close to home was that of Nazima’s as Hindi isn’t that much different from Urdu. She talked about how the children in her school laughed at her because she chose to speak Urdu and not English when she introduced herself to them. I could understand her slight embarrassment for doing absolutely nothing wrong as I had felt the same way at various moments in my life. The essay was a true reflection of how English has become a symbol of knowledge and status in some countries of the world, including my own.

All these stories, no matter how different from each other made me realize that everyone has struggles of their own when it comes to their linguistic identity and that I’m not alone.

When I first thought about this assignment, I was afraid to share about my inability to speak Korean fluently or even read and write in Korean. However, after listening to everyone’s essays I realized that I’m not the only one with this problem. About half of the class has/had a difficulty communicating in their native language while the other half had a difficulty communicating in English. For example, in Gary’s audio he says that as he got better in English he became worse in Chinese. I can relate to this experience as I have memories of my past where I knew fluent Korean. I was able to pronounce words that I find difficult today when I was young. But as I learned English I forgot some Korean like how Gary forgot some Chinese.
On the other hand, I can only experience Jenny’s story about how she has to translate for her parents with my imagination. My parents speak English fluently, so they never did have me translate things for them. I wonder if it is troublesome to be translating for your parents every time. I wonder if I could have done the same if my parents did not know English.
Lastly, Maria’s story about how she was able to translate for a new student in her school struck me hard. In my elementary school, there was an ESL student who spoke Korean and had difficulty communicating in English. However, unlike Maria, I turned a blind eye to his problems. I feel uncomfortable using my Korean in the public. I also knew that this one-time thing would become a thing I have to do until I graduate since this school didn’t have a Korean translator. Maybe if I knew how to speak Korean more fluently I would have helped him.
Although I did not enjoy the audio part, I found this assignment interesting and learned a lot about the different language barriers that exist or existed in the class. I was able to connect to some stories while other stories were something that I could only understand by putting myself in the shoes of someone else. There was a common regret of not learning the native languages in the audio essays. I too regret not learning Korean and I frequently question if it’s too late.

I honestly disliked this essay. The fact that I had to present it made it a lot worse than just having to write an essay. As I have said in my essay, I have an accent and am not about to pronounce some phonemes properly. This made me really self-conscious when talking. This in addition to me being shy, makes it extremely hard to present things even when it is prerecorded. I feel like when you are presenting something, all the attention is on you and I really hate that. It makes me nervous, anxious, and scared. I feel like I really exposed myself in my essay. I talked about a medical procedure I have had in the past and how I had to have speech classes. This honestly made me feel vulnerable. Listening to my classmates’ essays, I was about to relate to many of them.

In Gary’s essay, he talks about not being about to speak the language so he wasn’t able to ask the teacher to use the bathroom. I have had a similar experience to this. Until kindergarten, I have never been in a place where those who are taking care of me don’t understand Chinese. I had the knowledge to be able to ask to use the bathroom in English, but I was too shy to speak in English or at all especially in this whole new environment of the school. This made me also suddenly run out of the class to use the bathroom and having the teacher chase after me.

I also have had similar experiences to both Jenny and Elaine, where their parents aren’t fluent at English. This led their parents to ask them to help them throughout their day with reading, writing and translating. My parents also would ask me to help them with these acts but not to the extent of my classmates. My parents both immigrated to the United States as teenagers and gave up the chance to go to school to work and allow their youngest sibling to attend school. This helped me because the youngest siblings have learned English and unless they aren’t available or it is something minor, they wouldn’t ask me but ask their sibling.

When I first saw the assignment, I was not excited at all. However, concurrently taking a communications class has improved my public speaking and has made me more comfortable speaking to an audience. I thought the topic was really interesting and made me truly evaluate my experiences with language. Of course, family and culture are topics that have been discussed in my previous classes, but this was the first time that linguistic ability specifically has been the topic of discussion in class for me. After hearing the different stories of my fellow classmates, I began to realize how diverse we are. The United States is a melting pot of people around the world and the class is evidence of that.

An audio essay that had a strong impression on me was the first one, Rabsang’s. I really felt for him when he talked about the language barrier he faced with the Tibetan language. I had a similar problem where I felt less connected to my family as a result of the barrier I had unfortunately created for myself.

Jenny’s experience with language was truly eye-opening for me. When she started to speak about the car accident and what she had to do in that situation is something I could never do. It demonstrated to me the power of language and how much of an edge fluency in a country’s language gives people. I learned that language can become an important responsibility, especially if you are the only person in your family who can speak a certain language.

I was very curious about Nikolai’s story as well. We all had unique experiences; however, his circumstances seemed extremely difficult as he had moved to two different countries. I could only imagine what it would be like to move to a country where both my parents and I could not speak the language.

Overall, the audio essay assignment made me very conscious as to be aware of people’s different backgrounds and experiences. I learned that the majority of my classmates are bilingual, some even multilingual, and our different cultures and backgrounds creates an extremely diverse learning environment with a lot of different perspectives.

Listening to my voice was a strange experience, but I really enjoyed this assignment. I never thought I would feel so vulnerable hearing my own voice out loud, but then I also felt comfortable. You never really think your linguistic identity and this assignment is so different from any others I have ever done. I have been thinking about my linguistic identity for a couple of days before and after writing the assignment, and it made me realize that my family can not say a full English sentence with throwing in at least one Russian word .I’m glad to see that my some of my peers can relate to my linguistic identity and my story because I didn’t think anyone would and I was surprised. I enjoyed the experience of sharing my story about my linguistic identity and listening to what other people had to say. I realized that even though we are from such different backgrounds, our struggles were all similar. We all had similar struggles like fitting in or learning to fight the language barrier and adapt. We are all different people coming from different places, but I felt like we connected by sharing personal stories.
I learned that many of my classmates came from all over and no one’s story was easy. I was surprised to hear that almost all my peers struggled with their linguistic identity and how almost everybody is bilingual. Putting myself in my peer’s shoes, gave me a new understanding of what it means to be an immigrant or have immigrant parents. I learned that many of my peers had to sacrifice a lot for their parents who don’t speak English.I also noticed that so many of my peers shared a similar theme of feeling isolated from not fluently knowing a language. Gary’s story stood out to me when he couldn’t find the right words to ask his teacher to go to the bathroom. I empathized with him and couldn’t imagine what that could’ve been like at such a young age. I learned that Simon’s neighborhood is similar to mine, whereas he is primarily Polish and mine is predominantly Russian. Maria grew up in a similar community to mine, and I found it interesting that she grew speaking only Ukrainian and then learned Russian in daycare because people in her neighborhood were mostly Russian and she had to adapt.
Listening to my peers, I found a central theme. Every one of us was attempting to adapt, and we all stood out through our different cultures. Moving to the United States can be a very stressful experience. Everything is unfamiliar; from the weather, landscape and language to food, fashion, values, and customs. This becomes a disadvantage until you break this language barrier.

When I was first assigned to this audio essay, I did not like this idea of sharing our personal experiences with everyone in the class. I have always experience language barrier and I think it is a shame to talk about it in front of everyone. However, this assignment turned out to be better than I originally expected it to be. I was quickly learned that I was not the only one who had struggled with languages; many students had struggled or still struggle with linguistic problems in their lives. Although we all had similar problems, the story behind each of us is different and unique. 

In many of the audio tapes, I noticed several reoccurring themes: regrets, shame and embarrassment, and complications with native language or English.  While many students were embarrassed with their native language, others regretted that they never took their native language seriously. One audio essay that I was able to relate to was Gauri’s essay. She talked about how her native language was inferior to English because he mom expected her to speak English with her friends. Although I do not live with my mother, I used to make phone calls with her to talk about my school life in America while she was in China. She would always want me to speak English when I talk to people and permit me to forget about Chinese because she believed that I could always talk to her in another dialect (I think it was very foolish). I can also relate to Garry’s essay because I was always being isolated from a group. Gary talked about not able to communicate with other kindergarteners, and his difficulty to ask to use the bathroom since he could not speak English. It had reminded me the time when I was in elementary school which I was left out from a group activity because I did not know how to speak or communicate in English. I believe it is unfair for children to feel neglected at a young age because it will have a negative long-lasting effect on them (such as me).  

Language is a complication. Most of the students came from a different country with English being their second language. It is difficult for a non-native to learn a new language and maintain his or her native language. This is presented in both Jacky and Rapsang’s audio essay. Since they wanted to learn English in order to be like everyone else who spoke fluent English, they began to depreciate their native language. As they focused more and more on English, they started to forget their native language and regret not speaking it because communicating with family members would always be difficult. The language barrier causes the gap between the family widen as time passes due to the lack of communication. 

Learning a new language definitely comes with a price but being a bilingual and multilingual is important. As Maria stated in her audio essay, she was able to help a new student who only spoke Russian in school. I hope that I can use my bilingualism to help those that are struggling and help them to adapt to the culture. Overall, I am glad that we shared our personal linguistic problems in class. The audio aspect of this assignment makes our stories alive and easier to connect or relate with one another. We should all appreciate our native language because it has taken an essential role in building our identity.  

Given the assignment of an audio essay about my linguistic identity, I looked forward to sharing my experiences by looking back at them. It’s really intriguing that we learn so much thinking back about our past experiences, and how we’ve changed for the better over the many years. I had so much to write about, at the end I totally forgot that the reflection essay was supposed to be only about 500 words, not my 1500 word essay, so I deleted the other 1000 words (surmounting up to 5 minutes of me talking) and basically summarized how I got to be. What I found most interesting about everyone’s audio essay presentation was that a lot of my classmates shared the same struggles of learning English as me.

A lot of my classmates did not come from the United States and grew up learning another language, and when they migrated over to America, most of my classmates had struggles that were similar to mine. One very similar case, which was Gary’s made me laugh because we both struggled to come up with the words to tell our teachers we needed to use the bathroom. Aside from that, it is very unfortunate that it wasn’t only me that had to go through that. Many foreigners are ostracized (meaning excluded from a group) in schools just because we/they can’t understand us due to a language barrier.

Another parallel to my linguistic autobiography was Nicholas’ story of how he switched from one language to another. Since he was living in America, Nicholas felt the need to learn English as his primary language so he could easily communicate with other people living here. Just like me, he soon regretted the decision of leaving his native language behind, since now he struggles to assimilate with his family, only because he has lost his mother tongue. This is very similar to mine, as I also focused on learning English and English only, leaving behind my Chinese culture and adopting an American linguistic identity. I later regretted my decision as now I can’t even say “Happy New Year!” to my great grandmother who raised me for 8 years.

I was shocked at Nazima’s story, because she spent so much time learning her native language, but when she went to her country which spoke her mother tongue, she realized that most, if not all of her peers only spoke English. She was laughed at and felt embarrassed, and it is very unfortunate that someone should feel like an outsider in their native country.

Nazima’s case is very intriguing, however her situation isn’t rare. In many instances, countries adopt new languages because of their relations to the new language’s country. Whether it’s due to a historical context or recent political issues, there are many cases in which similar linguistic identity is flown around the world.

Language is more than just a complex transmission of complex and subtle ideas, it brings people together and help relate them to one thing in particular; whether it be their culture, place of origin, or just a quick conversation in between a coffee break.

When the audio assignment was introduced, I was not looking forward to it, since i felt that it would be awkward listening to a recording of my own voice with the class. However, as more people went before me, I felt more confident and didn’t really mind. Overall, the assignment was productive, since we were able to get a sense of the background every student has come from and how it impacts them today. Some of the essays were really deep and moving, which helped me gain respect for many of my classmates and the linguistic struggles they have went through. An idea I found very surprising, is that everybody who shared an essay identified with more than one language.  Not one student just strictly spoke English.

I was able to draw some parallels between mine and Gary’s essays. Both of our essays highlighted the idea that students are not the only individuals in a classroom that can isolate you based on your linguistic ability. We both shared instances where individuals in power, the teachers, isolated us as well and made us feel left out in the classroom. The teachers are supposed to make everybody comfortable and encourage openness in a classroom setting, but in our cases, they made us left out from the group, based on our linguistic identity.

Another essay I found powerful, was Nicholas’ essay, since he gave up his Japanese language in order to focus on English, which is a decision that he regrets. He dropped Japanese school because he wanted to learn english, but now he struggles to speak to his family members. I saw a similarity between Nicholas’ essay and mine, since I also dropped Polish school to focus on the English language. Nicholas highlighted the fact that the only thing that connects many students to their families is language, so when you lose your original language to focus on English, you lose the ability to connect with your family.

Lastly, Nazima’s essay was really moving to me. It emphasized the idea that it is not only people from different cultures that judge you based on linguistic ability, but people from your own culture as well. Nazima went back to her home country and attempted to speak her native language, but instead of understanding her struggle, the students in her home country laughed at her and made fun of her.

A lot of these essays focused on the idea that it is difficult to manage more than one linguistic identity, which often leads people to sacrifice one. This sacrifice causes many consequences in the future, leading to regret.

After hearing my classmates experiences, stories and views on bilingualism/multilingualism, I feel that every individual has had a past, and a story that at least one or more could relate to in some sense. At some point and time in our lives, some of us felt bullied or ashamed because of the lack of perfection or command over one language or the other.

Although multilingualism seems to be just another part of one’s identity, but in every audio clip, there were a couple of similarities that portray a completely different idea about multilingualism which means it is much more than just about identity. After hearing to all the audio clips, there were some general themes across all the clips. Most of the audios were either how there is judgement on the basis of your lack of fluency in a language, or how most are seen as contemptuous. While some seemed to regret about decisions they took at younger age, others talked about how their parents are a part of their struggle, or in some cases the reason for their struggle.For instance, In jenny’s audio clip, she spoke about how she regrets not taking Chinese while being a kid and how as she has grown up into an adult, over the years she has realized her mistake and shares her struggles of not being able to communicate with her Parents.I definitely would not be able to step into her shoes but even the vivid thought of not being able to communicate with my parents haunts me because at the end of the day I like to confide in my parents and share whatever I want to without the fear of being judged, but to have a language barrier is probably one of the greatest barriers ever because language is the means of expression and if you don’t even have that, it becomes impossible to express. I wonder if she ever talked to her parents about this and asked them how they feel regarding the entire situation.On the other hand, Gauri spoke about how her own language is seen as of a derogatory status in her country and it made me realise how we share similar feelings regarding how our languages are treated in our society.The fact that Darpan proudly accepted the fact that he does struggle with the language but is trying out various ways to actually improve really fascinated me because not a lot of people own up to the fact that they are not fluent in a language and they often hesitate with the fear of being judged. However, I would really want him to know that he should never let that hinder his growth because his accent is a representation of who he is and that is what makes it unique and beautiful.

As for everybody, there are some things which are personal and have an emotion attached to it which makes it difficult for you to be able to share it with every one and so was the case with me. I was definitely uncomfortable sharing my experience as a bi-linguist  but after hearing out everybody’s else’s’ experiences, i felt that we all share similar feelings and it made me more comfortable.

       Recording myself read my essay for two whole minutes was unlike any assignment I have ever done for a class. Sadly I couldn’t share my recording with the class since I spoke to fast. However, listening to my classmates recording was way more different than just reading their essays by ourselves. This different medium allowed me to be more interested in the writers essay because I wasn’t doing the basic process of reading another essay. In addition, able to listen to their tone and their way of talking really made it easier to understand their message or how they felt on a particular event they described. There was a couple of essays that consisted of students learning english and using that ability to help others who couldn’t understand it and translate it to their native language, also some students had their own native people wanting to speak english rather than their own mother language.

       In Jenny’s and Elaine’s essay they both wrote about how they helped translate english to chinese to their family but they both had different feelings towards their action. In Jenny’s case once she was able to understand and speak english it started to become a job. She had to help her parents with everything written in english such as bills and go out grocery shopping because her parents couldn’t speak english. It was interfering with her lifestyle and her duties as a student. The incident when her parents got into a car crash and she had to wake up in the middle of the night rather than sleep and be ready for her test the next day shows how her learning english was sort of a curse. However in Elaine’s case she says how she she helped around in the house since she had learned english better than her parents made her feel like the “dominant” one in the house. For Elaine learning and being able to speak english had a positive effect on her part. Both Jenny and Elaine write about how they learned english as a way to fit in but once they did learn english, the effect of being the only one to speak and understand english in the family had different effects on them. Unlike Jenny and Elaine, Nazima experienced an unusual event that was related to her native language.

       Nazima had learned english and at the same time knew how to speak her native language. Then her parents decided to move back to their home country, she then went to school there. The fact that in her school they didn’t speak their native language was pretty shocking. They made her speak english which made me wonder that now all other countries are trying to make kids start from a young age to speak english because of the status it holds. The fact that they aren’t speaking their native language in their native land shows how America has influenced the rest of the world with their language.

       Overall, this new way of communicating essays through recording really gave a different sense to how people can understand ones feeling and thoughts. At first it was weird, but as we started listening to more and more recording it started to feel normal. The recordings sort of brought the essay to life with the actual writer reading it. I thought most people wouldn’t share most of their personal information since it was being shared with the whole class. However that wasn’t the case case most people were able share their personal situation in which their language played a huge role in their life and helped shaped them as a person.