Ideas
DRAFT: Ideas
The point of my essay is that good ideas aren’t easy to come across. They are a combined effort and take time to grow. The “aha!” moment is the exception, rather than the rule when it comes to such ideas. To get my point across, I decided to kill the “50 People, 1 Question,” idea and to script something instead. After a lot of consideration, I decided that the best way to get to my point was to simply say it. I scripted what I was going to say because I wanted my essay to flow smoothly, so I could record it in one segment. I didn’t intend to have a specific effect on the listener, so much as I wanted to make them think about where ideas come from and to come away with that little nugget of thought.
The first piece of advice from Ira Glass that I focused on was, “Not enough gets said about the importance of abandoning crap.” (Part 1) And to be honest, my proposal was exactly that. It was a cute idea, or so I thought, but it really wasn’t going anywhere. So I killed it, took it’s core and went a completely different direction. The second piece of advice I took was “you have to set aside just as much time looking for stories” as you spend telling them. (Part 2) And I did just that. I spent about 95% of my time refining my story and what exactly I want to say and the other 5% actually recording and editing the piece. For my first draft, I think I have a solid foundation but I would like to make a stronger point or to further develop my piece because I have this gut feeling that something is missing but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Perhaps the class will be able to help. Also I’m not sure if it’s lacking in the music/special effects department. I wanted to keep it clean but not make it too boring. And do I need a better introduction? I wasn’t sure if I should just start or introduce myself first…. I decided to just start.
4 responses so far
Hi Michelle,
I listened to your linked audio essay. It’s cut off, seemingly in the middle, at 3.26. You’re mid-word when it cuts out, so I can only assume it’s not the whole piece. Try to upload it again, or try another method (e.g. Soundcloud).
What you have is a good beginning. I like the background music; it serves its function as background. One thing you might consider is how to build momentum: it’s a wee bit static now. Can you build in pauses? Use appropriate sound effects? Might be cheesy to put in a sound of a phone ringing when you talk about cell phones, but you need audio and narrative devices to break up the current narration and create spaces where listeners can land, pause, connect, reflect, and get ready for the next step. think of your piece in chapters, and put a “pause and reflect” device at the end of each chapter.
Since you scripted this like an essay (basically), I would want to ask you how you thought about crafting the piece differently for listeners rather than readers. You should definitely write about this in your reflection essay but also give it some thought as you revise. Are you building in devices that will appeal to listeners and make your piece easier, more pleasant, to listen to? What are those devices? Maybe you need specific key words you return to throughout the piece that will serve as pieces of a thread you can pull through the entire piece. Speech writers often use this device; think about the famous “I have a dream: line from MLK’s speech. IT’s used very consciously as a thread–a tagline–for listeners. Or think of how choruses function in songs. Repeat judiciously! You could use more of that here.
Okay–those are my first thoughts! More in class, and/or once the whole essay is available.
I was able to listen to the entire piece. A couple additional thoughts: remember how Glass says the components of every good story are anecdote and reflection? Perhaps one way to re-craft this essay more specifically as an audio project, with making it work for listeners rather than readers in mind, is to highlight anecdote more.
Right now you’ve got reflection. And you’ve got great components of reflection: metaphor (ideas are fabric), specific example (cell phone), a reliable source (TED talk). With all of these things, the piece is very “essayistic,” and as an essay, a straight-up essay, it’s strong and creatively crafted. But where’s the creativity specifically geared toward making this an audio project? I’d like to push you toward thinking outside the box a bit more.
And it’s also mostly reflection. While the brief intro about how you searched for an idea is a wee bit of an anecdote, I’m looking for something more developed, with the kind of plot and anticipation that Glass talks about reeling in listeners. They listen to see what will happen, what the resolution will be.
Your voice is great for radio; very pleasant to listen to! And you have a good volume balance between the music and your voice over. It might be a little monotonous to listen to the same music? You might play there a bit.
I like the pace and flow of your story. But it’s not as interesting that it can be to grab hold of the listeners’ attention. You might want to play around with sound effect (maybe factory sounds talking about the cellphone production, cellphone beeps) – something to vary your background sounds from time to time.
You can also play with your tone, building up energy or interest as you talk about the cellphone example – something that makes you sound like you’re really into the cellphone analogy. Trick listeners into thinking that it’s your idea through enthusiasm. Then knock them back by saying what you said afterwards, “You may be thinking how clever I am…” Just something to emphasize your point while bring out some energy to keep listeners listening.
Hey,
First of all I like your voice in this piece (even if you are sick.) You do flow from one idea to the next well. I agree with Professor Smith though, the music can get a little boring. There is this awesome cover of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ by Israel “Iz” Kamakawiwoʻole. But, the vocals were a little bit overpowering and were conflicting with your voice. But, with a little YouTube searching, I found a instrumental version of it. Here’s the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPzfeAWvvDM.
I thought it fit pretty well, but you obviously don’t have to use it.
And the idea of adding sounds effects is good, but I don’t know how ‘serious’ you want the piece to be. Adding a cell phone beep might kill some of the seriousness.
All in all I liked it a lot. Keep messing around with the music though.