English Audio Essay Draft
Here is a soundcloud link if the other one doesn’t work: http://soundcloud.com/chris1cw/english-audio-essay
At first, I didn’t really know what I wanted my message to be. All I knew was that I wanted to tell something about New York City and how positive it was in my life. After interviewing my dad, I knew that I wanted to avoid clichés and make the Audio-Essay personal to my life. In the end, I chose the point that even though the city can be big and intimidating, it can be as small as your backyard and be used to foster family and friendships if you put in the effort. To show this point, I use the interview with my dad to show how the city has benefitted my family. His anecdotes along with my speech to reinforce what he’s saying both bring the message to the listener. The effect I tried to have on listeners is a reflective one. I want them to look at New York City, Manhattan specifically, and think about how it has helped them in their family life. I want the listener to reflect on all that they have done in Manhattan with family and friends and realize that as distant as a big city may seem, it was very close and personal to them.
Two pieces of Ira Glass’ advice that I tried to follow were the anecdote (0:38 Part 1) and the being tough on myself (2:42 Part 2). Both of these are very important but in different ways. The anecdote is important because it is a good way to keep a listener interested. Personal stories always attract good attention and I tried to follow this by including my dad’s personal stories in the interview. The being tough on myself advice is applied all throughout the draft. I recorded myself over and over again until I sounded decent and kept cutting and editing so that the draft sounded acceptable to me. Being tough made it much more work, but made for a better draft.
Some of the problems I had were with the editing and finding a point. I’m not too familiar with garage band but I’m glad I managed to make my draft sound decent. Finding a point at first was hard but my dad’s interview really helped guide me along the way. Finding a song too was challenging, but in the end I settled with the instrumental from a song “A Song for Mama” by Boyz II Men. The song was a personal family song to them so that fit my theme and the instrumental I think carries my story along well. As I further edit, I think I could improve on transitions between my dad’s interview and my speech between his. I think that by strengthening transitions, the audio essay will be much better.
7 responses so far
Hi Christopher,
I’m on my computer at school and your link does not work for me. Can you try to upload your project some other way? Perhaps through soundcloud and then link to it, which always seems to work.
Hello Professor Smith,
I hope this link works. Thanks.
Yes thanks!
I liked your project because it was simple and sentimental. The intimate dialogue alternating between you and your father was great because it mirrored how the city can be a very personal place like you say it is. Several suggestions I would make would be to boost the volume of your dads voice because at some point it is pretty low compared to your commentary and also adding some sound effects like beeping horns could really help listeners get a sense of that city vibe.
Hi Christopher,
I think I mentioned this when we spoke in class. Listening to this makes me wonder about your music choice, what feeling or mood you wanted to evoke. I want to make sure you really articulate it to yourself. I do like the volume of the music and how it doesn’t compete with the speakers. It’s easy to hear and follow the speakers’ comments. But I wonder if the music is too “elevator-y.” In general, I think you could play more, be creative with, music and sound effects. There’s not that much going on there.
Dad is a great, clear speaker. Do you want to introduce him as your dad at the start? IF this were played on the radio without your cover letter, listeners wouldn’t know who’s speaking.
One danger with a project like this is listeners wondering, what’s the point? Is this just a tourism promo for NYC? (The music choice could add to that feeling of promo.) You don’t want just a promo. You want to meet that message requirement of the assignment.
So limit the parts where dad says things that sound promo-ish. Limit truisms about how great NYC is. Focus on motive as you rethink things in revision. Why should a listener care? Well, what’s specific and original to your message is what will make me care. Hone your message toward that. Is this going to be about generations, passing down a certain relationship to the city to the next generation, creating a sort of “urban legacy”? Is it going to be about affordability in the wealthiest and most expensive city in the world? (If not, why do you talk about money and doing things for free so much? Just cut it–it’s confusing.) Is it going to be about reinvigorating certian NYC icons (Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge, the WTC) through the eyes of native New Yorkers? And if so, to what end? Agian, avoid that “tourist promo” feel in articulating to yourself what the “end,” or purpose, might be.
What would happen if you used one dad story and a story from a different speaker, another native NY-er with w different experience or perspective? You might not have time to do this, it might not be reasonable within the time constraints, but what direction might that take you in if you did do it? What message would you highlight? Maybe you need to think outside your dad’s stories a little to get some distance and begin to think about the potential messages you can bring out.
As you and I discussed in class, you could cut one of your dad’s three anecdotes, perhaps, but your decision should follow whatever decisions you make about message.
You balance anecdote and reflection well. The structure overall works, how you break up dad’s anecdotes with your reflection on them and how your frame the whole thing with reflection is a great approach.
This is a really good project, I can tell you worked hard on it.
Im not sure about a few things, though. I dont think your music sets the right tone for your message… which im also not sure about 🙂
Maybe you can spend a little less time on talking about the sights of NY and a bit more time focusing on developing the point you are trying to make.
Aside from that, your project is really easy to listen to, and i think you did a great job!
I really liked how you started off saying that although the city can be gross and rude, your family has been able to find the beauty in it. Maybe you can make that a bit clearer as your message? Is that your message? Or is it that happiness is not bought, its made? I just think you should clarify what your overall point is because though I get that you’re explaining why the city’s important to you, I’m not sure that that can be the message for everyone to take from it. Great job, though! Amazing how you put an interesting, personal spin on the whole NYC theme.