.m4a is a far cry from .band
I’m going to post a link to soundcloud because my project wound up exceeding the limit for upload size! :O
Editing this had to have been one of the most exhausting, tedious things I’ve ever done. Getting the audio cues to come in at the time that I wanted them too was just about impossible. Also, it sounded so much better when I was editing it in GarageBand than when I uploaded it to Soundcloud. Hopefully I can improve the audio quality for the final piece. I also want to improve the transitions between the different audio clips, and also improve the transitions in volume, so it sounds less choppy.
As I mentioned in class, the point of my piece is to evoke a sort of nostalgia, or a longing in my audience. I want to take them back to their special place as I describe mine. The biggest choice I made to evoke this kind of feeling is the song choice. “Home” sets an incredible mood for a story like this. I also tried to pick the stories and aspects of Frost Valley that set it apart and made it so unusual. By picking more unique characteristics regarding the camp to idealize it, I hope I was able to make it more appealing to the casual listener. I want them to believe that I am genuine in my emotional investment in Frost Valley, so they will think of a place they’re emotionally invested in.
The first piece of advice I took from Ira Glass was in Part 3, in the very beginning. He says that at the beginning, you probably have good taste, but the work you’re making isn’t living up to that taste. He also said that a lot of people quit at this juncture. I find this advice extremely important because I’ma complete beginner in this, we’re all complete beginners. In my mind, I have a grand scheme of exactly how everything is going to play out and how people are going to love it. But in reality, I know that things are probably not going to turn out exactly the way I want them too. It’s important to realize that the beginning comes with a lot of struggles and bumps in the road, where you know you can do better, but you don’t know exactly how you can make yourself do better. This advice was something I followed throughout my piece, particularly in the opening of my piece, in the volume adjustments of the song, and the closing. I spent hours working on these parts, totally unsure of their quality. As Ira says, I know it can be better, and it frustrated me. But I also know this is just a draft, so I’ll be patient with it and accept that it isn’t ideal yet. The OTHER piece of Glas advice I followed was in Part 4, in which he urged us to “talk like ourselves.” I tried to let my natural emotion emerge in my piece. I talked about other people, and I talked about the place, and I drew on my memories and my feelings to let my passion emerge in my voice. At times, I chuckled, or I laughed. I also found myself talking more quietly and comfortingly at the end for some reason. I didn’t try to talk like a tour guide or like a young camper. I just let my emotions come out in my voice.
6 responses so far
Ben,
I love the way the music sounds at the beginning, with the whistling and what I guess I would call that folksy voice coming in. It sounds down-homey, you know, like camp. But it does become a bit of a distractions, something you should consider during revision. Sometimes, for instance, the music is too loud, and therefore competes too much with the speaker. The music is very upbeat, too, which can become distracting. I wonder if you might want to do what you initially intended, I believe: stop speaking for a bridge, during which we just hear the music. You would have to do this at a point when the lyrics are saying something important that relates to your narrative. And it also means you’d have to cut some of the narration, which wouldn’t be a bad thing. Maybe there’s too much talking here? And you need to give listeners spaces and moments to land and reflect. Moments where some part of the noise stops.
You might also consider commenting on the music. I mean, the whole piece was born with the song first, and the associations it has for you. Maybe let your listeners in on that? Make sense of the music for us in some way.
My biggest advice is to hone your focus. Beware the ramble. I think your piece is potentially about more than the importance of a home away from home; it’s about one specific result of having an alternate home during those infamously difficult teen and pre-teen years. For me the most meaningful moment comes around 2.30, when you’re talking about how you became more outgoing, open, confident at camp. I love this moment. I find it moving and relate-able. The new space gave you the room to come into yourself in another way, a more self-actualizing way, that helped balance your life at home for the rest of the year, where (socially) you retreated a bit, you were more introspective and less outgoing, perhaps. I wonder if you could bring this out more as an important part of having a home away for home, specifically for teens. Focus your narration on how the events and friendships enabled you to “let down your guard” and become a different or more real (?) version of yourself, and how critical this is in our lives and our development into adulthood.
It would still work to ask listeners at the end, “what’s yours?” which I really like. It brings your message home, and reminds us that we all do, in fact, have versions of these places in our lives (or at least most of us do, I think). I might not be a teen anymore, or anywhere near that time in my life, but I can still remember how critical it was to find a space separate from my actual home to start building my own home in which to realize my budding adult identity. So it’s rich, I think, to keep this focused on home away from home as a space for identity formation for teens and pre-teens. It will still speak to a broader demographic. And, more crucially, you will realize a stronger focusl.
I like your voice very much here; the quality of naturalness that you strove for really comes through. I’m not sure your sister’s story adds much here, really. At the moment, to me, it feels tacked on, filler, not critical.
Thank you for this draft!
Hi Ben,
I really like the story that you tell. It’s descriptive and vivid, and most importantly, very personal and real to you. The music was great as well, I really like the song as an addition to your story. But from time to time, like Professor Smith said, the song’s volume overpower your story. It gets to the point where I’m not sure which to focus on: your story or the song.
Also, as much as I like your story, I didn’t see a clear connection between the song and your story. It should do you good to reference and talk about a specific instance of the song that reminds you of certain qualities/times you had in Frost Valley. It’s the parallel relationship between the two that will drive your point across and makes the listeners think what songs remind them of certain memries.
Last note, I think it is effect for you to end it with “What’s yours.” It literally puts it out there for listeners to reflect on what you had just said. But again, this point is somewhat blurred by the loudness of the song.
I hope these feedbacks will help! Good luck.
Make sure you listen to your piece. Music gets loud and soft and often blocks out your voice partially or totally, especially towards the end (4:10 musical interference). I think adding some sound effects might make your story a little lighter, which I think is an aspect that would greatly add to the tone you are trying to create. Maybe some fire crackling during your campfire story. I am grinning about your story, and although I didn’t go away to camp, I appreciate the need for escape. Your “Alabama, Arkansas” conveys a country feel which certainly adds some nostalgia to your story. I used to be pretty shy as a kid as well, and sometimes today I still feel I am. Very relatable experience for me. I’m glad you found a home away from home. I’m still looking for mine, but I think I’m getting closer every day.
I agree that focusing your purpose is a good idea. Maybe talk about the importance for a home away from home for teens. How they need a place where they can be themselves without all the restraints of their actual home. I want to hear more about you and your experience. You explained how you felt, and I think that is the strongest part of your audio essay. Concentrate more on the emotion and maybe give a few examples of why you felt different at camp as opposed to at home. I really like your song, and unlike Gen I see how it relates. Do you want the abrupt stopping of the music at 20 seconds? I think it would be much better if you transitioned with a fade or some other effect. Good description of the quirkiness of your friends, and how they allowed you to be yourself.
I really enjoyed your audio essay. You have some great material and great songs. Play around with your “story” a little bit. Maybe you can make a few subtle additions or subtractions to help your essay have a clearer purpose and effect on the reader. Good Luck!
This piece is This American Life worthy with only a few adjustments. Your story is great: thorough and captivating. I totally understand what you’re talking about when you describe Frost Valley as the place where you could feel different, it’s relatable, so four for you for finding a way to connect to your listeners!
The only issue I can really mention here is the way you use the song. When I read your proposal, and from what you talked about in class, I felt like you would relate your experience to the lyrics – or that you would incorporate how the song first began to remind you of camp. Yes, there’s audio issues, but you can fix those easily. The song is your key to putting this piece on top, so definitely think about utilizing it more. Great job!
I enjoyed the way you seemed to be talking to the listening as if it’s a true conversation. I almost had a feel that you were like a grandpa who was sharing a story with his grandson. It was filled with a nostalgic joy that I really enjoyed.
Suggestions:
– lower the volume of the background music, it seemed a little too high, almost masking over your voice in some spots
– it was a bit presumptuous to include that this is a memory everyone must have had. I myself have never had that kind of experience, but it was enjoyable to listen to you describing it
– when you interviewed someone else who had the experience, I thought it felt a tad out of place, perhaps paraphrase rather than include her actual voice?
I liked the overall length and tone!
Some edits, but not a final piece yet:
http://soundcloud.com/ben97chatham/draft-2