Draft
The point of my audio essay is to suggest that, while we all yearn for some sort of familiarity, it is important to actively seek out challenges. I think we all have our own personal bubbles and leaving them seems dangerous or even life threatening at times. Bubbles can be social, personal, racial, or even locational. I attempt to narrate the story of my own bubble and the continuing struggles I face today. I’m trying to convince my audience that they too live in their own bubbles, and while maybe not as extreme as mine, still need to be overcome. I want my listeners to first realize that their bubbles are often self-created, and how important it is to expand this artificial environment.
The first piece of advice from Ira Glass that I tried to employed was contained in Part 2, from the beggininng until 1 minute 30 seconds. He talks about how important it is to cut down your audio so that you can distill your argument. I still need to do some cutting of un-necessary information, and I still need to add some relevant information. However, I have at least started in doing this with my first draft of my audio essay.
The second recommendation I used from Ira Glass was the use of the anecdote, found 30 seconds into part one. My entire essay is my own personal story. While I have the story down, I need to tweak it in order to best convey my purpose and to have the desired effect I want on my audience.
For my revision, I need to focus on changing or cutting out parts of my audio to better relate my story. I want to make it interesting, but powerful and serious. This is challenging for me. I also want to better employ music and sound effects. The music I used in this first draft was not the exact type of music I was looking for.
This entire project has been a sort of experience in itself. I really have learned some things about myself through this essay. I originally wanted to do an essay on the negatives of big cities. After some time, I decided to change my proposal. I wanted to focus on how nostalgia actually can hold us back. How bubbles are negatives. And how almost impossible they are to fully overcome.
4 responses so far
I really like the music at the opening, and then the change of music when you switch to speaking about home. The sound of the music immediately evokes nostalgia. The fade out of the first music also fades your voice; can you work on that? And besides those two pieces of music, which yes, are great choices, that’s it, right? I wonder if there’s more to do with sound, music, effects? You can certainly try to use music to underscore pauses, those places where listeners can pause and reflect and catch up and connect. You should think carefully about where and how to place those. Place them after important statements that you want to emphasize, or where you’re taking a turn. Create “chapters” in this piece.
Your voice has a lovely, easy-to-listen-to quality. You do talk a little fast. Slow it down?
Other ways to build in pauses, of sorts, it to balance the reflection (there’s mostly (all?) reflection here) with anecdote. Tell a story, or develop one you’re beginning to tell here, that helps up enter in to and visualize your life in NYC and/or St. Louis. Telling stories will let you play with sounds and music, too.
Would you benefit from brining in other voices here? I for one was sooo curious to know how your parents felt about your choice to come to NYC for college. Forget the guidance counselor’ what did they say? Just a thought….
Let’s think for a moment about the point here: I love what you say in your cover letter about how nostalgia can actually hold us back, help us convince ourselves that we should’t take risks, that we don’t need to.
I think it’s more than just nostalgia that holds us back, but also comfort, a word which you use toward the end right before you talk about Thanksgiving coming up. Bubbles in particular, in their safety and privilege (as you describe your bubble), can be really, really comfortable. But even when the reality is less elite and outwardly attractive, we get comfortable with our routines, with the norm. As you no doubt have heard, the devil that you know….
You talk about having a sense of entitlement. The uniformity. The unique opportunity. And you set these ideals against diversity, dirt, danger. I didn’t intend for that alliteration, but it’s nice, because things like alliteration, the sounds of what you’re saying, matter–or rather, can be MADE to matter–in audio projects. So, maybe list the NYC vs. St. Louis qualities you want to outline. And then list the feelings/thoughts those qualities evoke. And then funnel the items in those lists down to the revised version of your message. That’s how I’d go about trying to refine message here, anyway. I think you’re on to something really good, relatable, interesting. Lots of room for connection. But like any message and its author’s initial stab at delivering it, it can always be refined, right?
Illusory nature of bubbles. That’s another interesting note you strike later in the piece. Something you might make more of? Perhaps. Or maybe when I listen again I’ll hear them already present.
I just thought maybe you should close with the sound of bubbles popping. 🙂 Sometimes even an English professor can appreciate the potential of an over-obvious effect.
This was an incredibly fascinating project to listen to. Your story is one that I really wouldn’t have expected, and to hear you talk about your secluded existence in St. Louis piqued my interest. I don’t know if you scripted this or not, but either way, your story flowed beautifully. So you definitely have a topic that you can work with and refine.
I noticed that you played the same song for the majority of the broadcast. At times, it was definitely appropriate, but at other times, I felt it was detracting from the message that you were trying to convey. I think increasing the variation in your sound choices will serve your project well. Removing sound at some points (something I need to do, also!) will accentuate certain meanings within your project. The backing audio can really make or break a project, and while the audio you selected is good, more variation will diversify and improve your project.
I liked that you made your story your own. It was very personal and feels like a stream of consciousness or a confession of sorts. As a listener, I felt like I was sitting in the room with you as you told the story. Your voice throughout is very clear, articulate, and understandable. I think it could use a little more variation, whether in pitch, volume, or just general sound. As this seems like a stream of consciousness, it’s understandable that when thoughts just flow, you don’t worry about moving your voice around much. Now that you’re editing, I think it would serve you very well to look to move your voice around a little, it would add more life to your story.
Your foundation is really, really strong. Some audio edits will make this story extremely impactful, as opposed to just very impactful. I really, really like this story.
You have an excellent topic, and you’ve managed to keep your narrative in a story-like way than having it be obviously scripted. (I’m still wondering if this was just you talking off the top of your head, or if you had something written down. Either way, it’s working for you.) The point that you bring up about how you felt the message of your project change as you progressed is something worthing noting – go with it. If you want to talk about how these “nostalgia bubbles” keep us safe in new places, do that, but I found the “nostalgia bubbles as deterrents” to be a more interesting topic. Keep it, and develop it – maybe with other people? Your story works with you talking alone, but it’s just a thought to consider. I don’t need to talk about any audio problems, because I’m sure you’re already aware of things like the volume and clarity of voice – everyone is. Play around with sound effects if you really want to sell this story, but you already have a great product here!
Hi Luke, Would you be willing to upload your piece to soundcloud and link to it? I’m at school and not able to access it. Maybe we can play it today in class?