So, I completely changed my project from what I had originally intended in the proposal. When I tried to do the audio essay about Twitter, it didn’t sound anything like what I had wanted. I decided that telling a story would come out more natural and I would be able to have a little bit more control.
In this audio essay, I talked about how we often encounter weird people on the subway who tend to freak us out. My main point is that while these people do exist, once in a while someone might do something nice that catches you off guard, and to look out for that. When I first started, I didn’t really know what my main point was. I just wanted to tell weird subway stories that had happened to me and to people I know. As I searched for an actual main point, I realized that most of them had to be cut. When I wrote down and recorded the initial story, the only anecdotes that fit were ones that involved actually talking to people instead of just observing.
I definitely used Ira Glass’ advice in abandoning ideas that just don’t work. I started over when I realized my idea wasn’t becoming the project that I wanted to make. I also tried my best to make it flow, as though I were telling a story to a friend. It’s a little bit awkward, though, recording (and then listening to, oh, God) three minutes of my own voice; I sort of wish I had done a “50 People, One Question” type of project.
There is a lot I hope to change in the next couple of weeks. I’d like to rerecord everything, and this time get other people to speak as well. I was thinking of asking people for the weirdest things they’ve encountered on the subway and recording their answers. I think this would add a little bit of dimension to my project, and make it more interesting overall.
4 responses so far
Great Job with your essay! You deserve a lot of credit for rerouting your direction for this project and coming up with a successful second topic. I like your idea of interviewing other people (although as Prof Smith pointed out, it has its drawbacks) and hearing their personal stories from the subway. I think that would contribute to your show and make it more relatable perhaps. As for the editing, not sure what all that noise at the end of the subway is all about. Is it intentional? You have some great stuff so maybe spread it out between your broadcast. You have a very natural radio voice and I love the tone you speak in-its very real and engaging for a listener to hear. Good luck editing and can’t wait to hear the completed project.
I think your voice works really well. You do a good job of capturing what Glass talks about as your natural, genuine speaking voice. It draws me in. And of course, to any New Yorker, you have a relatable topic. We can picture the subway, and will be inspired to recall our own uncomfortable subway moments–or unexpectedly nice ones.
I also like how you have the subway noise pretty subtly underneath your piece and then end with the subway announcement–that’s a good place to end it (although currently, it ends and the background noise picks back up, as Zara mentions, which I don’t think you intend to keep as part of your piece, right? Make sure to end the soundtrack where and as you intend). Though your voice is genuine, it’s on the softer side of the spectrum, so just make sure any background noise isn’t competing with the narrative.
You have good anecdote in there, and some balance of the anecdote with reflection. But reflection is where you might turn your attention first as you rework this piece. Reflection is where you make sense of the story for your readers, where you put your spin on it. Spin, sense, message aren’t coming across as strongly as they could here. So, what are the options? You could bring in alternative voices, create chapters of different people telling their stories. That always has the potential to add interest. Still, you have to provide that sense-making reflection, but you have more material to work with, so the resulting message can have more layers, or go deeper, or something good. Either way, add more voices or not, I’d consider adding a frame to the piece in which you open and close, maybe with some well-chosen background music, during which you set up the anecdotes to come and wrap them up afterward. At the moment, you dive right into anecdote, and maybe an opener would give you the chance to provide motive–why we should care–and set up key terms that would help establish expectations in your listeners and give us things to look for, words or phrases you repeat judiciously at moments when we most need them to ground us and help us stick to the narrative. Just like good speeches have those “I have a dream” phrases to string listeners along, your audio project can have those tag lines too. They orient listeners and remind them of your point and main ideas.
Speaking of orienting listeners, think about how and where, for best effect, you can build in pauses where listeners can think, reflect, connect, digest. There’s a lot of talking, and you talk pretty fast, so the pace is a bit too quick here.
The message for me, at the moment, is caught somewhere between obtrusive strangers on the subway punctuated by those unexpected nice encounters, and how it’s nice to have those as reminders of some goodness in humanity. I guess. IS that it? This message can do with some honing.
I wonder if you want to do anything with the fact that women, and especially younger women, are especially likely to be on the receiving end of these unsolicited encroachments. No surprise that, at the moment, you tell your own and one girlfriend’s experiences. This is really a subtext at the moment, and can stay sub or, perhaps, you want to massage it into something more. There’s potential there, fwiw.
I really like you Audio Essay. Your tone is soft and sharp at the same time. Sometime you speak a bit fast, but I think it works anyway. I think it would sound really good if you had really low music playing in the background throughout the piece. Also, it might be nice to have the train sound effects in the beginning, as well, to make the segment come full circle. I look forward to hearing the finished product.
I liked this project. It was quirky and highlighted something that happens a lot especially in New York. I liked how you showed both the good and bad sides of people talking to you on the subway and your point on how there is still hope for the human race, that was funny. At the end though I feel like your ending was really rushed and it caught me off guard. If you could slow that down I feel like your ending would be better. I’m excited to see your finished project.