Need to listen to more radios.
Dear Listeners,
In my audio draft, I tried to picture a moment in my life with two different perspectives revolving around one fact. (which is not yet revealed in this draft.) Initially, I planned to record my part of the story, trying to create as much suspense and interaction with the audience by evoking questions in their minds and then add it together with my dad’s recording which would convey the truth of the whole incident. However, I came across a minor set back after I got a phone call from home that my dad is at the hospital due to unexpected health problems. Having seen my dad healthy all the time, I never expected this to happen and I am quite worried right now. I’m trying to figure out whether I should go with this idea with slight changes or switch to plan B.
As for my part of the recording, I wanted to make it more interesting while sticking to the facts. To not confuse the audience with esoteric concepts, I made slight changes in names and events by generalizing and replacing it to similar English terms.
The two advice from Ira Glass which I tried to follow were
“In broadcasting you have two basic building blocks[: the anecdote and the reflection]. … The anecdote, [which is a sequence of actions] … is so powerful … that it has momentum by itself.” (part 1)
“The more you are actually yourself, the better off you are” (part 4, 0:55 – 0:59)
First, I really liked his first advice on formatting the story by sequence of events no matter how boring the fact maybe. When you think about it the imagery, following the questions are what really helps the audience to follow and interact rather than throwing them with topic sentence and list of relevant examples. I also realized how some dull facts can really become interesting when recalling by sequence of events and you might end up finding an fascinating twist in the end. I tried to add my actual thoughts at the exact moment to make it more lively and to give a more personal voice to it rather than just listing facts and sounding fragmented.
Second, I tried to relax before I wrote down the anecdote and started recording it to make it more personal. Due to many exposure by the media, people tend to imitate certain voices of others which, unless its perfect, only adds to the uncomfortableness to the person reciting and the listeners. I thought it was really important that I find my voice to most successfully deliver my story. I tried to add some character as well.
The biggest challenge I think I faced was not being able to contact my dad directly but then some of the minor problems included, vocal clarity, adding music, and forming the story and trying to make it interesting. Due to slight cold, I may not sound as clear but I’m willing to work on it with more practice and I am willing to add some music after the workshop. (I just left the parts blank just in case) I will be visiting the writing center to work on better formatting of the story so that it has the more effect.
2 responses so far
Hi Veronica,
I’m sitting down to write comments on your draft audio and the link isn’t working. Did you take it down? I’ve listened to it already, so I know it *was* working as recently as yesterday…
Your voice is very good for radio–it sounds smooth and is easy to listen to. I like that you focus your piece around an anecdote, and it has the building blocks of a great story. You definitely have good suspense here–you lead the listener on; we’re wondering where you’re headed. the problem is, it doesn’t seem to get there–it ends at what seems like the almost-climax. I’m not sure why it ends there, or what the purpose is. You need to provide resolution.
You also need music, sound effects, something to make this a piece specifically made for radio: something to be listened to. Here’s where you could get really creative. You could easily add sounds like a phone ringing, or voices, or laughter, or footsteps. These kinds of sounds can be obtained at freesound (see the Audio Resources page), and would add so much to this story.
I say story because right now, it really is, simply, story. While you offer some introductory reflection, it’s not enough to suggest what the purpose is here: what’s your message? So, as you tell us, some people get attached to certain people or material objects. And this happened to your parents, especially your dad. But what person or thing are we talking about? What person or object is consuming him? And so what? What’s the problem with the attachment? What lesson are we supposed to glean from this attachment? You need to add more of an intro and/or a conclusion–a frame. Set it to music. Make it sound appealing and exciting. Music is a great tool for suggesting and building suspense and for setting a tone!
I do like some of the ways you set up the story: for instance, how you describe seeing the scene with your Aunt, where she’s crying, and then everyone’s laughing, through a glass door. You set up your distance from the scene–and thus your listeners, we’re all outsiders here–very well. It has a good effect. But “what’s happening?” as you yourself say at the end, is the prevailing sentiment, and since we never have any idea, since nothing is revealed or resolved, it’s hard to respond to your piece. It kind of leaves the listener shrugging her shoulders. The suspense is never satisfied, and the effect is lost.
I look forward to hearing this piece through sound effects and music! and to seeing what happens as the suspense is satisfied and more is revealed, including your message.