Coming to Baruch I thought that I would never change. I am afraid of change, yet I am scared of permanency. Why am I always contradicting myself. I am afraid that I might lose my morals if I change.. I am afraid that I will never grow if I stay who I am. My fear are both things. My fear is waking up in the morning and allowing myself to breathe. My fear is going to bed at night and waking up in the same position. My fear is fear itself. Why can’t I do things based on my impulses? Why can’t I live my life as a butterfly?
I am clumsy. I can fall if you tell me to stand in one position. I walk a crooked line. One day when I was young, my friend and I decided to take up roller skating. There is an elementary school near her house that lays on top of a hill. So going to the park, we had to skate down that hill. Unfortunately, no one informed me of how to brake on the roller-skates so I crashed head first to a telephone pole! Even worse, after that my body fell straight down on the cement floor (on my back side)..OUCH! I believe that I was unconscious and embarrassed for about 2 seconds because the next thing I heard was my friend calling my name and asking if I was okay.
I feel empowered when my mother smiles at me before she leaves for work. I feel empowered when I can make someone else smile. I feel empowered when my best friend lends her ears to me when I feel like everything is life is going wrong. I feel empowered by looking at my baby niece and thinking the world of her. I feel empowered a few moments every single day. But those empowerment made me who I have become.
I want to grow as a person. I want to be able to fulfill my own selfish dreams. I desire change. I adore stillness. I know who I am. But I need a few adjustments.
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I follow a different motto every single day. Today I became attached to this quote:
“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”
