I am an 18 year old Puerto Rican and Cuban woman, commonly mistaken for everything but what I am. I live for music, and not much else in this world holds me entranced quite the way music does. There are few things that don’t interest me though; I’m always open to trying new things.
I do struggle with self-esteem issues, for so many reasons. My self-esteem, or lack thereof it, usually holds me back. Since I started college I have felt a lot more confident and empowered. My view on myself is slowly changing for the positive and I like it. I feel more able to stand up straight and look people in the eyes, because I know that I have earned that right. I have come from a very strange background, I have 4 parents and I’m okay with that. On my maternal side of the family I’m the first to graduate high school, much less go to college. That in itself is helping me become more confident, because I did what no one else could.
There are some things in Baruch that do make me nervous though. First, this math is intimidating. I graduated early from high school and I haven’t had a math course since fall of my junior year. So, while math isn’t a weak subject of mine, it is giving me a hard time because I’m so out of practice.
The second most nerve racking thing is the course load. I have never had this much homework, ever. It takes a lot out of me to be looking for a job, managing a social life and handling my course work. I know it’s not impossible, because I’ve been doing it thus far but, it certainly isn’t easy.
My biggest concern is money. I had a decent part time job for a year and right now, I’m unemployed. That was one of my biggest fears as I was starting college and sadly, it came true. My job loss has set me back financially, forcing me to be dependent on my family, and has forced me to push back my plans of getting my own place.
All of my monetary setbacks are not going to stop me from keeping to my goals. College is a must, as is moving out. I refuse to go into my teen angst about why moving out is so important but, to say the least I need space to define myself outside of my family’s grasp. I have been through so much with my family, that I have spent a vast majority of my teen years depressed and rebelling. The whole situation of having 4 parents is so awkward to explain that one can imagine how weird it is to live.
