I was born to help people, to strive in the world of business; my father named me not based on meaning, or a special liking to the name, no, Kevin was chosen so people wouldn’t have a hard time saying it. And just like that, I’m flung into the journey of the firstborn son, the one who has to hold the torch, being the first of my lineage to be born in America, first to go to college, first to live the American Dream.
Thus my integrity was founded, with the instinctual knowledge that I was born to be fluent in two languages, that I wouldn’t be allowed to have a problem with math, reading, or anything in school. If there was something I didn’t know while studying or completing assignments, I was the only one that could have helped me. This sparked my self-criticism. With no one to depend for my academic and social successes, there was no one to blame when I messed up. I ended up doubting myself, holding back my potential for fear of screwing up, and I screwed up a lot.
Nowadays, all I screw up is my identity. Parents of two different religions, from a collapsed socialist nation, and born to live the American way, my identity is only dependant on my choices, my lifestyle. I chose to identify myself as a leader. Being first to achieve also means first to screw up, so growing up I’ve been the role model for my brother, my friends, and my peers. Although being a leader demands a lot of respect, it also commits me to a lot of responsibility. If my brother makes a mistake, he doesn’t mess up alone; I made a mistake too by not doing enough to help.
So now, I’m in college, I’ve reached the point of no return, and I’m just waiting to graduate and get my American dream rolling. So far, I’ve been doing well academically, in fact, the last time I felt this good about my studies was in Kindergarten. Back then, it was big fish, small pond, and the other fish weren’t as clever as I was. Since then, it’s been constant competition, from each Eagle class to each C.I.G. class to each Advanced Placement class, I’ve been putting just enough in to stay afloat with the grades. It’s comforting to finally catch up to my peers, to finally maintain the expectations of the people around me. Still, if I said I worked hard for my grades, I’d be lying.
I’m nothing special. Sure, someday I hope to be, but for now, I’m just another paper pushing college student pressured to do better than everyone else. No extra intelligence, I don’t work harder, I’m just someone who gets by. Despite all the pressure to do well, I hold to my mantra “enjoy the little things”, and I take in every moment life offers me, to never pass the chance to have fun, and make sure I enjoy my life while I’m young enough to do so.
