Author Archives: kevin.khayutovsky

Being somewhat of a museum buff (weird, I know) I was looking forward to my visit to the Rubin Museum of Art. I expected it to be much like the Met, with artifacts and art, but it was actually different. Although it was pretty crowded being “Free Admission” Friday, I still managed to see many if not all the museum has to offer. Best of all, it’s focus on the Himalayas, which is a relatively obscure region, almost guaranteed that I would learn something new. One thing I learned was the in the Embodying the Holy exhibit, where I found religious pieces linking Buddhism and my religion, Eastern Orthodox Christianity. I was surprised by how many similarities existed between the two religions; it sparked my curiosity to find out more, which is something few museums do.

Despite me already working, the Career Workshop was still a good experience. There is always a chance to learn something new, and I never turn that chance down. I’m glad I didn’t, I actually learned some things that I didn’t know, such as the etiquette of writing a thank you letter, and the opportunities that Baruch provides for its students, and all the features of the STARR search. College is all about preparing for your dream career, and it’s nice to know that Baruch provides a center that has it’s entire focus on that, to kick off your career.

Although, I have to admit, my modeling segment close to the end was pretty fun too.

It was peaceful at first. I remember coming home in the middle of the day, content at first that I had absolutely nothing to do. Homework wasn’t tedious or difficult, classes were short and ended early in the day. The job search wasn’t going well, and I wasn’t in any extra-curricular programs, so I had a lot of free time on my hands.

I miss those times.

Call me crazy, but I didn’t like having all that free time. It made me feel unproductive. Since I wasn’t able to get a job, I decided to see what Baruch can offer me. At first, I followed my passion, auditioning for a play, and then joining the movie makers club. Still, for some strange reason, it wasn’t enough for me.

Then I joined a fraternity.

I never thought myself to be the fraternity type, but I don’t turn down a chance at something new, or a chance to make so many connections. Once my pledge process began, I didn’t have a problem with free time anymore, because I just didn’t have any. Then something miraculous happened: I got a job. Normally, I would stop and consider what to drop, surely no one can expect to be a full time student, a pledge, and work 30 hours a week and survive. I did, for some reason, at the cost of doing not so well in these three aspects of my life, and surely at the cost of my health. My first semester in college was one of the most difficult and demanding periods of my life, all because I thought I was able to juggle it all. In the end, after crossing into the fraternity, after getting a good place at work, I still had to focus a lot of my missed attention to my number one priority, my studies.

Heed the warning: one step at a time. I learned that doing too much at one time on the notion of not having enough time later, only makes your lifespan shorter. Although I may have had a rough first semester, I trust my second would be a little lighter.

I was born to help people, to strive in the world of business; my father named me not based on meaning, or a special liking to the name, no, Kevin was chosen so people wouldn’t have a hard time saying it. And just like that, I’m flung into the journey of the firstborn son, the one who has to hold the torch, being the first of my lineage to be born in America, first to go to college, first to live the American Dream.

Thus my integrity was founded, with the instinctual knowledge that I was born to be fluent in two languages, that I wouldn’t be allowed to have a problem with math, reading, or anything in school. If there was something I didn’t know while studying or completing assignments, I was the only one that could have helped me. This sparked my self-criticism.  With no one to depend for my academic and social successes, there was no one to blame when I messed up. I ended up doubting myself, holding back my potential for fear of screwing up, and I screwed up a lot.

Nowadays, all I screw up is my identity. Parents of two different religions, from a collapsed socialist nation, and born to live the American way, my identity is only dependant on my choices, my lifestyle. I chose to identify myself as a leader. Being first to achieve also means first to screw up, so growing up I’ve been the role model for my brother, my friends, and my peers. Although being a leader demands a lot of respect, it also commits me to a lot of responsibility. If my brother makes a mistake, he doesn’t mess up alone; I made a mistake too by not doing enough to help.

So now, I’m in college, I’ve reached the point of no return, and I’m just waiting to graduate and get my American dream rolling. So far, I’ve been doing well academically, in fact, the last time I felt this good about my studies was in Kindergarten. Back then, it was big fish, small pond, and the other fish weren’t as clever as I was. Since then, it’s been constant competition, from each Eagle class to each C.I.G. class to each Advanced Placement class, I’ve been putting just enough in to stay afloat with the grades. It’s comforting to finally catch up to my peers, to finally maintain the expectations of the people around me. Still, if I said I worked hard for my grades, I’d be lying.

I’m nothing special. Sure, someday I hope to be, but for now, I’m just another paper pushing college student pressured to do better than everyone else. No extra intelligence, I don’t work harder, I’m just someone who gets by. Despite all the pressure to do well, I hold to my mantra “enjoy the little things”, and I take in every moment life offers me, to never pass the chance to have fun, and make sure I enjoy my life while I’m young enough to do so.

I never really enjoyed writing about myself. But I have to do it anyway, right? My autobiography isn’t going write itself, and I have to pass Freshman Seminar.

I am a Belorussian-American, born here with two names. The one most people know me by is Kevin. Kevin is my father’s invention, a device used to Americanize me, to make sure nobody will have any problems saying my name. I was born to help people.

My other name is Konstantine. It was suggested by my grandmother at birth, but denied by my father, he thought the name was too complicated. In his eyes, simple minded Americans can’t handle long names. I only found out about this name after the divorce, at my first baptism, where I had to associate myself with a saint by name. Being devoid of any religion my entire childhood, I had no clue who any of these saints were. So my old name came up again, and I was baptized under Saint Constantine. Adding my own little flair, I spelled it with a K.

So now I have the occasional identity crisis. It’s reflected in many aspects of my life, from music taste, the company I keep, even the girls I date.

Everything affected by both worlds.

With all that, I never spent time trying to figure out what I wanted to do for a living. But I did know that one day, somehow, I want to become a father. I know that one day, I want to and will be a better father than my own has been.

So that brings me to college. It’s already something my father never did. In fact, I’m the first Khayutovsky to partake in higher education. College is an ambiguous task for me, I’m doing it because I’m supposed to, that’s what I’ve been told. There wasn’t a point in my life when not going to college was even a consideration.

I’ve finally started college, and honestly, I’ve been enjoying it. The old friends, the new friends, the interesting classes, the great schedule, all make this college thing a whole lot easier. Still, it isn’t perfect. The vast population can make it a bit intimidating, the freshman block schedule makes it feel like middle school, and I’m barely scraping by to pay for textbooks since they’re so expensive.

Besides that, I’m enjoying it. It’s only my 3rd week in, and I’m already enjoying Baruch as much as I enjoyed Brooklyn Tech. And I had a lot of fun in Brooklyn Tech. But I’m making sure my college life will be different from my high school life. I’m planning to sign up for as much as I can, staying active in the extracurricular part of Baruch, instead of just the classes. I’ve already signed up for a blood drive, made friends in the Undergrad Government, and I have an audition for a school play tomorrow.

I’m sure my first year in college will change me. I’m sure I’ll learn so much more about the world, and I’ll know what to do with my life. And if anything, I’ll finally learn who I really am.