It’s hard for me to say who I am, because I’m not even sure of that myself. I feel like I’m at a point in my life where everything is just so new and different; I feel like there are very few constants that I can rely on. I think it’s hard to really define yourself into simple words, anyway — or anyone, for that matter. You can summarize things about yourself, but I don’t think you can really grasp who a person is by just reading things about them.
The entire time that I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to graduate and move on to college. I absolutely hated my high school; nobody took anything seriously. I also felt like I didn’t fit in most of the time; I felt so different from my peers, as if I was living in some kind of separate reality from the rest of them. So naturally, when it came time to actually go to college, I was extremely excited. I can already tell that college is a lot better than high school ever was for me. One of the biggest improvements is the teachers; it’s nice to actually have teachers that teach for a change, rather than just clowns who stand up in front of the room and pretend to teach. I’m still trying to find my place, though; so far, I simply feel anonymous, like just another face in the crowd. This feeling is amplified, I think, being in NYC — when I walk around outside, there’s this overwhelming feeling of being lost in the crowd, because everyone’s lost in the hustle and bustle of everything; if you stop walking for even a moment, the rush of people will catch up to you.
One of my biggest concerns at Baruch is that I have absolutely no intentions of majoring in business. When I’d gone to a Baruch-orientation type thing at my high school (a guest speaker had come to talk about what Baruch had to offer), I had heard that though Baruch is known for its business school, it is still primarily a liberal arts college. Now I’m not so sure if this is actually true. It seems that everybody I meet is all about business; even when I told my prior classmates that I had planned on going to Baruch, they all were confused. Nearly everyone who knows me knows about my strong desire to be an English major (and ultimately, a novelist). Now that I’m actually at Baruch, I wonder sometimes if I made the right choice. I’m hoping over time I will be able to firmly feel comfortable here.
Other than that, my main concerns mainly lie in doing well in my classes, and switching out of the senioritis mode that I still seem to be stuck in.