Well it has been a couple of weeks, but if you don’t know my name it’s Lucas Lauber. I don’t blame you if you don’t remember because I only remembered half your names as well. An easy way to remember me is by referring to me as the “Disney” kid. I’m fine with that because almost my whole entire life I’ve been known for my deep fascination with Disney cartoons’ and the life of Walt Disney. That being said, if anyone needs help planning a vacation to Walt Disney World I’m your guy. I’ll help you plan for a nominal fee of either $500 or taking me with you. Either way you’re getting excellent help.
If you ask me what I like best about myself, I would tell you I like being weird. There is no shame in me for being different or unique. Now you may ask, “What’s so weird about you, besides the fact you went to Baruch?” Well, to understand my “weirdness” you must understand the way I grew up.
Well for starters I live in town of midgets. For some reason everyone in my neighborhood thinks that if they trim their trees down to about 5’ 10” they should be fine. Well, their wrong. I’m six foot, and every single day I walk the streets, I bang my head off of their branches. On rainy days, peoples umbrellas become “head-choppers,” because since almost everyone is shorter than me, their umbrellas reach my neck and people just don’t care about whose around them during rainy days.
Besides my awkward height, what is also awkward or even scary is the place I live. I live in a cemetery. To clarify this, my front door enters the street, while I open the back door and there are rows of tomb stones. You’re all saying to yourself “Isn’t that scary?” The truth is it’s not; it’s actually kind of fun, to walk in the night and search for ghost. Of course I search with my dog, I’m not that brave. I had a couple of ghost encounters; however I could probably make that into a writing essay that lacks all the proofs of the argument that there is such things as ghost.
My unique experience in high school also plays a part on how I’m so different. My high school was an all-boys school, and why I went there has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. I actually went there because of their fine football program. There things that go on in a football locker I will not disclose in this monologue. In order to survive an all-boy school you have to be incredibly conceited. If you didn’t think you were the best, or acted “macho,” you were considered an outcast, and your peers would literally pull you apart. It’s because of this I’m probably still overly confident all the time.
But one thing that is incredibly ironic in an all-boys school is that even though everyone is “macho” in school, once they see a girl it’s like they jump into their shell and never return. However, this never happened to me. For instance, one of my girlfriends (no, I don’t have more than one) used to go to an all-girls schools, and they would occasionally have dances with my school. She explained to me how all the boys were incredibly “pirate-like” and acted like they haven’t seen a girl in four years. This is probably actually true for most of these boys. However, as stated earlier, that wasn’t the case for me.
I wouldn’t go into Baruch that much; however I will say that Baruch has changed me a lot. For instance, I will never be able to eat Chinese food or have noodles the same ever again thanks to my anthropology class. So to finish off this monologue, I will say that I’m just a work in-progress. Eventually I’ll get more “weirder” in time. If any of you have any concerns about me or want to learn more about me come up and talk. You can tell me about yourself too, but to be honest I probably won’t listen.