POST 3

So, my first semester is FINALLY coming to an end. If I’ve learned one thing about myself, it’s that when it comes down to getting something done, no matter how badly I may not want to do them, there’s a part of me that pushes to get it done anyway. I’ll do whatever I absolutely have to… If I’ve realized anything, it’s that I’m really lazy and that needs to change. On a rare occasion, I’ll really be in the mood to work and study, most times, I push work off until it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary to get it done. Aside from really hating this semester and realizing that Baruch may not be the school for me, and regardless of whether I care or not, the procrastinator’s side of me needs to go a.s.a.p.

As I’m sitting here typing this… It just dawned on me that the only reason I may not like Baruch, is because it takes hard work. Yeah, this semester is crap, but it’s only the beginning. Whatever I think is hard now, is only about to get worse. I guess it’s my fear or rising to the challenge. I’m not incapable of excelling, i don’t believe anyone is. I just don’t apply myself like I should, and I’m not sure why I can’t break this phase. Maybe I need to attack this issue Sigmund Freud style and swing a bat at hypnosis… (0_o)… Cutting off this laziness with the snap of a finger isn’t happening. maybe I don’t like Baruch because I’m scared to be challenged. I’d rather take the easy route and go somewhere that doesn’t have such high expectations for math (not my strong point)… Maybe if prerequisites and core curriculum’s were tailored to people’s needs… I mean, I still don’t know what I want to do, but I’m too much of a free spirit to be working a job that requires me to know a lot of math & science… If I wind up becoming an author, how is pre-cal or physics going to benefit me???… sighs… (-_-)… guess I’m done with this part of my rant…

I didn’t apply myself a lot this semester, I know for a fact my GPA went down… unfortunately. At this point, whether my marks are remarkable or not, I’m just hoping that I pass everything…

If I were able to completely start over, I think I’d prioritize and spend more time studying… It’s hard to make yourself care about something you really don’t care about. I’m the type of person, whether it’s mandatory I learn something or not, if I don’t see the point, or understand the subject’s relevance to my life, I don’t want to learn it. And once I’ve established I don’t want to learn something, it’s hard to force myself to spend the time it takes to learn it… School… I’d rather learn from experience, or get a taste of history through someone who has lived it… I’d rather travel and see the world, and learn about people than sit in an English class writing a research paper about “Satire.” Like really, how in goodness name will stuff like that benefit me. Life is the best professor… There’s no better coach, or educator… and between life and love, there are no better lessons to be learned… hands down.

I’ve noticed a change in myself, but it has nothing to do with Baruch. So I guess it’s safe to say, Baruch hasn’t changed me… at all… Not yet anyway. Although, losing love has made me a little bit wiser… But like I said, life & love are the best educators.

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