Author Archives: aliya.brown

So, my first semester is FINALLY coming to an end. If I’ve learned one thing about myself, it’s that when it comes down to getting something done, no matter how badly I may not want to do them, there’s a part of me that pushes to get it done anyway. I’ll do whatever I absolutely have to… If I’ve realized anything, it’s that I’m really lazy and that needs to change. On a rare occasion, I’ll really be in the mood to work and study, most times, I push work off until it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary to get it done. Aside from really hating this semester and realizing that Baruch may not be the school for me, and regardless of whether I care or not, the procrastinator’s side of me needs to go a.s.a.p.

As I’m sitting here typing this… It just dawned on me that the only reason I may not like Baruch, is because it takes hard work. Yeah, this semester is crap, but it’s only the beginning. Whatever I think is hard now, is only about to get worse. I guess it’s my fear or rising to the challenge. I’m not incapable of excelling, i don’t believe anyone is. I just don’t apply myself like I should, and I’m not sure why I can’t break this phase. Maybe I need to attack this issue Sigmund Freud style and swing a bat at hypnosis… (0_o)… Cutting off this laziness with the snap of a finger isn’t happening. maybe I don’t like Baruch because I’m scared to be challenged. I’d rather take the easy route and go somewhere that doesn’t have such high expectations for math (not my strong point)… Maybe if prerequisites and core curriculum’s were tailored to people’s needs… I mean, I still don’t know what I want to do, but I’m too much of a free spirit to be working a job that requires me to know a lot of math & science… If I wind up becoming an author, how is pre-cal or physics going to benefit me???… sighs… (-_-)… guess I’m done with this part of my rant…

I didn’t apply myself a lot this semester, I know for a fact my GPA went down… unfortunately. At this point, whether my marks are remarkable or not, I’m just hoping that I pass everything…

If I were able to completely start over, I think I’d prioritize and spend more time studying… It’s hard to make yourself care about something you really don’t care about. I’m the type of person, whether it’s mandatory I learn something or not, if I don’t see the point, or understand the subject’s relevance to my life, I don’t want to learn it. And once I’ve established I don’t want to learn something, it’s hard to force myself to spend the time it takes to learn it… School… I’d rather learn from experience, or get a taste of history through someone who has lived it… I’d rather travel and see the world, and learn about people than sit in an English class writing a research paper about “Satire.” Like really, how in goodness name will stuff like that benefit me. Life is the best professor… There’s no better coach, or educator… and between life and love, there are no better lessons to be learned… hands down.

I’ve noticed a change in myself, but it has nothing to do with Baruch. So I guess it’s safe to say, Baruch hasn’t changed me… at all… Not yet anyway. Although, losing love has made me a little bit wiser… But like I said, life & love are the best educators.

I think “who am I?” is a question that many people, even in old age, have yet to find the answer to… I hope one day I can answer it with confidence. To me, life’s a journey… I don’t think I’ve experienced enough to really say who I am… I believe that God’s still molding me into the person He’s destined me to be. I still have a lot to learn… If I had things my way, I’d be in a tree over-looking green plains, mountain tops and oceans 24/7. I’m always in deep-thought… It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with, I’m always zoned out and in my own little world… Sounds pretty bad, but it’s true.

I used to be scared of the dark, but I’m pretty much over that. I used to need nightlights, now my room has to be pitch black… Even the light from the time on my cable box annoys me these days… I’m deathly afraid of insects… Especially spiders… I normally have to get other people to kill them for me, and if no one’s around and I have to do it myself, it’s a dreadfully long and ridiculously loud process.

My family, friends and good-looking men make me happy… Music relaxes me, as does writing in my journal. Shopping, going for walks with my best friends, and laughing till it hurts are my cure-all’s. Love and nature also keep me grounded. I pretty much get excited over everything… cute dogs… pens that light up. I’m a big kid, it doesn’t take much to keep me entertained.

Growth and progress are important to me. I don’t like to be stuck… I like looking back and comparing my former self to my present self… There’s always a problem if I don’t see even the slightest difference…

School is the ultimate blow. Life would be so much easier if I was a socialite and had billionaire parents… But we all do things in life that we don’t want to do… For me, it’s this college business… But I want to continue to be the prize in my family, so I have no choice but to be successful. I’m one of the few that have actually graduated from high school and went on to college…

The other day I bumped into family I haven’t seen in years in Macy’s. I was so embarrassed because I didn’t even remember my aunt and uncle’s name until after I said my goodbyes and called my sister… (Yes, i made it through the entire conversation without having to use their names… And I was too ashamed to ask…) When I called my sister, she was able to remind me… At least I had remembered my cousins name.

I’ve had a few empowering moments. The first and only pageant I’ve ever competed in, I placed 1st runner-up. I could have won, but I screwed up the formation and didn’t cover it up well. I stopped in the middle of the stage when I had realized that I messed up and made this really weird face (I’ve never been one to hide how I feel. Some people don’t have a filter on their mouths, I don’t have a filter when it comes to facial expressions)… the audience laughed but it wasn’t embarrassing… I still got 1st runner-up! It was a big deal for me because at the time, I was in Cabot, Arkansas… A predominantly white and racist little town. I was the only black girl competing so it was a little nerve-wrecking… But I still got out there and did it with lots of support from my mom and best friends.

I guess my personal song would be The Ambitious Girl by Wale. It’s not really a “song,” he’s reciting a poem really… He’s not rapping. But I appreciate the lyrics… It’s my alarm clock, so I wake up to it every morning.

I think my first year of college will make me a stronger and more decisive person. I’m very indecisive about most things. It’s hard to choose one thing when you want it all. My biggest challenge is just caring about school… because I don’t care, I procrastinate. The only time I start to care is if something’s due in a day or two… or if I have a test… Well, even then I still don’t care most times… I don’t know… Other than that, I don’t like commuting. Public transportation is annoying and I always seem to pick the WORST train carts. But otherwise, life’s good… 😀

a. Tell us who you think YOU are!

I think this is a pretty broad question, with or without the word “think.” I think who I am goes a lot deeper than my personality traits and the person others perceive me to be. I am an intellect. My mind is constantly on its own journey. I’m a daydreamer, easily lost within my own thoughts and philosophies. I’m not a conformist; government and societal ideologies I believe, are the worst things man has EVER come up with… I’m more on the liberal side; I believe everyone deserves freedom and equality. I’m a shy person and it hinders me because I have so much to say… sometimes it’s difficult to find the voice when I need it most. Many take my kindness for weakness; horrible mistake. I like to recreate and reinvent myself on a constant basis. I’m always striving to better myself… I can’t find in anyone else what I don’t have within myself. I’m a lover before a fighter. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and that every situation leads to a greater and bigger cause… For that reason, I take life one day at a time and try my hardest to be open-minded. I’ve traveled to many places to date, but the world’s too majestic to ever quit. I want to travel, write and inspire people at some point in my life… Whether I’m retired after a long and successful career or that becomes my journey, I accept whatever the future has in store for me with open arms.

b. Share your top 3 concerns about your freshman year at Baruch and explain why.

-I’m lazy; waking up early… some mornings I don’t even care if I’m on time or not… The work, I’m a procrastinator… blah.

-Everyone keeps telling me how tough Baruch is… It kind of discourages me at times because I don’t even want to be in school, much less one this competitive. However, accomplishing goals and getting through obstacles will be well worth the hardship. Ultimately, I think Baruch will make me a stronger and more dedicated individual.

-I just pray I can get my sh!t together and survive at this dang school!

c. So far, what do you think will make your Baruch College experience different from your high school experience?

The work load and the fact that I’m not being babied anymore. Now it’s do or die, if I don’t do for myself, I can kiss success goodbye. I graduated from high school with a 91 avg. That was without a lot of effort. I feel like I won’t touch a GPA like that while I’m in Baruch because everything will be so much more intense.
d. How do you think your first year at college will change you?

I hope I can come out of this school a more mature and responsible person. At 18, I’m still a child in many ways and I believe that my time at Baruch will change that.