I am a simple human. Emotions shouldn’t make a person, but it’s unlikely that they wouldn’t. I am fear, I am desire, I am anger and I am love. When it’s not emotions that are me, it’s logic. In other words, I am never both. I am someone who keeps friends and family close to heart. I am careless about the careless. I am on a level of self-awareness. I am a daughter to a critical mother and an ignorant father, and a sister to a confused brother. I think that who I am won’t really matter until I’m living on my own, because right now who I am doesn’t come close to who I can be.
My concerns have nothing to do with Baruch College specifically, but of college itself. This is something so new to those who have never done it, and even about three weeks in I feel like I don’t yet belong. My top concern is about just being able to keep up with the work. I don’t want to disappoint my parents or myself by doing poorly. When I feel that I’m getting lazy I remind myself that this is now the real thing. I know that it’s the real thing because in this “real thing” everything costs money, which is another concern. Even though my parents aren’t denying anything yet, I feel bad for making them do this but also feel that I should just get used to all the expenses of college. My third most concern is not having enough time. Time is so ungraspable and so uncontrollable that it flies without warning. If I don’t make the right use of the time that I have, I’m scared that I’ll end up regretting something that I do at Baruch. After being in high school for four years, the pace in college actually isn’t much different. What is different is the freedom. I really love that about college. The individual freedom really gives each student individual responsibilities. We are responsible for our own work, our own timing, our own mistakes. In high school we have to abide to the school’s rules without much flexibility.
This first year of Baruch College will definitely give me more insight of what they call “the real world.” I still live with the parents but I find myself relying on them less and less. I love the city and going to school smack in the middle of it is very intriguing to me. I’m sure to get more acquainted with the surrounding areas as well as the surrounding crowd. I’m hoping to become more comfortable with myself and my time management. Maturity is key and I think that after high school everyone feels a little more mature, so after one year of college it should feel even better. The first year of college will change me in positive ways. Maybe I’ll even stop picking on my brother, who’s also trying to get his life finally going, but who knows.