If a stranger were to come up to me and ask, “Who are you?”, one option would be to simply reply with my name and that, unfortunately, is not enough for somebody to find out who I am, and therefore does not answer the original question though it gives the illusion that it does. For somebody to get to know me, or anybody at all, it takes more than just a name; which brings me to my first concern at Baruch: the inability to make friends. I had no idea college could be this different, perhaps it’s all psychological. I cannot remember how I began life in high school or even made all the friends that I had, but it was easy then. Now in college, it’s probably the new setting and unfamiliar atmosphere that has got the best of me; letting free the shyness and insecurities that did not show just three months ago.
From what I’m hearing, college is the place where you make friends for life, though this sounds both appealing and frightening. I want to meet new people; unless you are an academic god or an isolated soul, friends are your only lifeline in college especially when your professors aren’t going to be holding your hand. However, as much as I want to meet new people, opportunities are often restricted. Socializing in class is known to be frowned upon and people already have their established cliques, making it awkward and discouraging to “invade” the group. I know I’m making this seem more difficult than it is, but that’s who I am. I’m not one of those outgoing, talkative types who always raise their hands in class, as much as I want to be. I’m the quiet kid in the back, and trying to make myself known would be a feat as I’m just the average boy.
I sense that the stereotype “all Asians look alike” is beginning to hold some significance because I feel like I’m the same as every other Asian guy. Everything about us became conformity, because it has become a trend to “do what’s popular.” From fashion to sports and even hobbies, the similarities are surprising. “The clothes we wear have become a uniform,” (quote courtesy of Tim Delaghetto), and I challenge you to try to name an Asian who doesn’t play handball or has taken up volleyball and dancing in the past year. I no longer feel unique and I no longer try to stand out, because as hard as I try, the greater societal forces just knocks me back into this giant pool of Asians who all looks completely identical. That’s who I think I am: just the average Asian boy. The roles we all play as a son, student, friend, or boyfriend are shared, and even something that personal does not differentiate us from one another.
My other concerns, in short, is not being able to keep up with the work and not being able to adapt to my new environment. As all of us freshmen are, we are used to our teachers chasing after us to complete our assignments, but now all the responsibilities are on me to meet deadlines. Baruch is quite similar to my high school, with the large diversity and student population I feel right at home. However, the large amount of free time coupled with the dreaded deadlines that becomes your duty to find out on you own will take some time for me to adjust to. Even though it’s been about a month into college, I still feel awkward and lost when I’m out of school. Baruch is already completely different from what I’ve known about school before, but I plan on joining some clubs to better my social network and live the college life because there’s no meaning in just going to school and not becoming active.
My first year will change me into a more disciplined individual, a harder working student. I hope to cure my procrastination and carefree attitude towards education, and emerge with a mindset that would allow me to succeed in a society where my race and economic background has already put me at a disadvantage.