Who Are WE? We're PR3!

Throughout high school, I’ve always had an interest in dancing.  In fact, I was in Urban Dance Club for three years (on and off) and did a lot of break dancing.  On the very first day of school here at Baruch, I went to the basement to play handball with Derek, but as we passed by B3, I heard hip-hop music and turned my head to see a group practicing a routine.  They saw me standing there dumbfounded and asked me if I was interested in joining.  I suppose the rest is history as I became the newest member of Reign Supreme Crew.   Joining the dance crew definitely enhanced my experience here at Baruch, considering it isn’t much of a college experience here since everyone’s a commuter.  It was an easy way to meet new people without going out of my way to socialize.  It gave me common grounds with others with the same interest as much and allowed me to express my interest in hip-hop choreography.  The group is divided into seniors and juniors, seniors being the advance dancers and having the most experience and juniors being novices and recently joined members.  I plan on advancing into the senior group and create new choreography for the group and hold workshops together with other senior members to attract more members.  I see a bright future for the group if we can claim club status and become more united as a crew.   For me, the crew helped me break out of my stage-fright and definitely boosted my confidence, not only in dance but in everything I do.

This is my monologue.  I don’t even know where to begins so I’m gonna break out the freewrites from the past few weeks.  I like doing my hair.  It’s been growing out now but I’m just too lazy to get a haircut.  Actually I wanted to grow it out, I’m inspired to grow out Dumbo’s hair from Poreotics and then dye it blue.  Besides my hair, I like how easily I adapt to stuff.  Tight situations, new happenings, you know, I just adapt to them easier.  I’m determined to reach my goals and I like proving my worth to others, and myself.  I don’t like my attitude sometimes, it’s annoying.  I have a short fuse and I get selfish sometimes.  I like going to church and playing volleyball and taking photos.  And dance, I dance a lot.  I need a job, like really bad.  I’ve been selling all my sneakers for extra spending money.  FAFSA should send me a freaking check already.  And where the hell is my TAP?!  I need that money, seriously.  But yeah, I need a job though so I don’t have to sell any more of my sneakers.  I look up to my sister and my father.  He’s hella inspirational.  The way he cares for me and sister and love the family, I respect that.  I think that’s where I get my optimism from.  My sister knows me better than I know myself, she should write this shit for me.  But yeah, she cares a lot for me too.  She always talk to me about life and unexpectedly buy me things I like, she always know what I like.  I’m afraid of a lot of things.  After watching Let Me In, dark alleys creep me the hell out.  I’m afraid of failing too, it’s just hard to accept.  Like I’m afraid I disappoint people and break promises and stuff.  People have such high expectations of me so I’m afraid of letting them down.  I’m always happy, it’s like I live in Hakuna Matata, you know from Lion King?  It means no worries for the rest of your days, yeah that’s how I live by.  No stress, no worries, always happy.  And hungry, I’m always hungry.  I am happy with making others happy.  If I can make someone else smile, I feel accomplished.  I’m happy with accomplishment too, so it’s a double-win.  Things like finishing a puzzle or solving a hard math equation, I’m happy with the results.  Values are important to me.    My values are like respect, education, and bliss.  My education means better future right?  And living happy is living life.  Worrying is like sitting on a rocking chair, it doesn’t go anywhere but it gives you something to do.  Baruch is hella different than Bronx Science.  I gotta actually do work and pull my own weight.  More parties though, a whole lot more parties.  And the clubs and orgs are pretty cool, especially my Reign Supreme dance crew!  I feel guilty when I’m out with friends and I’m like “Oh yeah, I’m studying” or something to my parents.  That’s messed up.  I don’t do it anymore though, I just tell them that I won’t be home for a while, which is true.  I just realized this monologue has absolutely no transitions from ideas to ideas, it’s just mashing all my freewrites together.  It’s so bad, jeez.  But yeah, college is alright.  I would prefer to go to a dorming school though, commuting makes it feel like high school all over again.  But in college, I gotta manage my time better.  And meet new people.  People might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner.  I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.  After I joined the dance crew, I knew they were one of my own.  And my wolf pack, it grew by ten.  There were eleven of us in the wolf pack (like Ocean’s Eleven, haha), I was alone first in the pack, and then my crew mates joined in later.  I like Baruch so far though, hella freedom.  I like going around the campus, but spent hella money on food for lunch each day, damn.  Midterms now though, and that sucks.  That math exam yesterday was really hard.  I hope I got at least a 80 on it.  And this Sociology quiz, FUCK.  I have to put this away now and take this quiz.  Okay, I just finished the quiz, I think I did well.  I better do well, shoot.  I want at least a 3.5 this semester.  I made a wager with Riley that if I do, she’ll get me anything I want.  She’s hella nice to me too, she tutored me for that math exam yesterday.  And I need at least a 3.5 if I want to transfer anyway.  Yeah, sorry Baruch I don’t want to stay here.  Maybe Binghamton or Stony Brook or Buffalo.

I kinda, sorta, don’t like joining clubs. I might actually have an irrational fear of student organizations in general,but you know what? SOME of them actually aren’t that bad.

IN particular, I think I made a sweet choice when I chose to join USG with Isabelle, Piane, and Eva. I mean, I had my doubts, because prior experiences with high school government meetings had me drop dead bored out of my mind, but I came to realize that the meetings were actually quite interesting, and it was a nice touch seeing those ideas proposed in the Public Service committee being acted upon. Truthfully, I realized that what I look for in a club, or in any organization for the matter, was action, and that’s exactly what USG brought in. I realized how stupid it was for me to “dislike” a club based on it’s face value. after all, not all clubs are the same, and that is exactly why it is so easy to find one that tailors to your needs and satisfactions. IN that respect, I remain, especially grateful, to those four who put up with my complaining about how stupid it was going to be, because if they hadn’t, I probably would’ve dropped out the moment I had the chance. Now though, I have something interesting to pursue, and I intend to pursue it immediately after I get back from my break.

I hate my name, every single variation of it. At this point, I think I’ve heard it all. Michael, Mike, Michelle, Mickey, the point is, It’s an instinctive passion of mine to hate common names, especially my own. Really though, Deep down, I think it’s the fact that there are at least five million other Michaels on this planet, which, if you think about it, is about twenty five percent of Australia. I sound like I’m joking right now, I wish I were joking right now, I’m not, I did my homework.  You see, the thing that bothers me is, isn’t it counterproductive to name your children something taken already? Where’s the individuality, where’s the originality? There is none, exactly.

Alright, maybe I came off as too strong. Let me try this again. By now, if you’ve gotten to know me, you know that I’m a cynical, misanthropic person. That’s right, I over examine things and I hate most of the people I meet, It’s a double whammy, and the worst part is, it’s for no reason too! It’s not their problems though, its mine. The thing is, I’ve lived a sheltered life, one that I take for granted, and I don’t have hardships, unless you count breakups, and to be frank, I don’t really like the girls I date either.

I think I drink my own poison in a way. For example, I’m not smart! Everything I’ve achieved up to this point has been on hard work and practice, on me pacing myself and educated guesses on when to quit and when to pool all my efforts in. This is the ironic part. I’ve always hung out with the people that are the exact opposites of me. I’m talking of course, about those people that are so talented, so intelligent, and so useful to society that it spits in the face of the idea that “all were created equal”. If anything, the reason I blend in with that crowd at all is simple; thanks to all that talent, there is no work ethic, there’s no drive! That’s the down side to life being so easy for someone, they get careless. IN a way, it’s my own personal spy game, what’s the main objective? How long I can last without getting caught.

Finally, I’ve joined the Marines.  The thing is, even though I tell myself that it’s for my country, for adventure, for security.  Deep down, I think I joined the Marines because at the end of the day, that’s just it, I’m bored. I don’t feel guilty though, if anything, the only guilt I can feel is the guilt over disappointing my parents. It’s easy to see that they’re disappointed on me; I’m the son who was supposed to become a lawyer, the one who never gave them trouble, who got accepted into all his colleges, who gave them Standardized test scores they could brag about for months, and on and on, They paved a marble road for me, one that will end up leading to the best things life has to offer, Wealth, Family, Power, but most importantly, safety. It sucks having to imagine what it must have been like for them after hearing that I was going to take the road less taken, but I won’t go back, and pretend that the last few months in my life have been a mistake, in a way. That might be my one redeeming virtue; it might be my poison, depending on how you look at it. Either way, my determination and Stubbornness are world class.

 Archery! Where we learn how to hunt, we get fresh animals every meeting >:)

Just kidding! 😉 We shoot at Styrofoam targets with paper targets on them to calculate points. I joined this club in the middle of August, yup that’s right, you heard me, August! I heard about this club at freshman orientation, and I was psyched! I have always wanted to do archery since I was 8 and began reading medieval fantasy books. So one Saturday, I didn’t have work and I went to check it out. When I got there I met some of the regular members and there was 2 other new members too! It was a huge coincidence because they told me that we were the first new members for like 3 months. The first day was AWESOME~~ I had a blast shooting. Afterwards I went out with them for dinner and even drank a bit, shhh 😉 After school started I rearranged my work schedule and was able to go every weekend! I made some great friends there, and most of them are juniors. This means that I can get a lot of advice and tips on school too!

Alright I hope I’ve kept you interested for a while, if you want to try Archery, come on Saturdays 6pm-9pm and Sundays 4pm-7pm, everyone is really nice and outgoing, we are very lively and fun to hangout with 😀

There are so many things I’d like to know about myself. And the things that I do, I wish I knew for sure. Because a fact is only a fact if there is known evidence. I’m constantly changing. My opinions, my ideas, my pure knowledge. It’s all kinetic. I am human though, a living, breathing, speaking, walking, and learning human being. With the positive however comes the negative. I fear, I love, I hate, I make good, I do bad, I mess up, and I make right. I know that every action and emotion I go through will be validated by the success I will potentially earn. Earn, not receive. I believe success comes in all forms. Whether comes in a personal, educational, or career sector. This is where I fall short. Each of these types of success brings its successes and fear.

                Personal success to me goes hand in hand with finding your own identity. Something most people go to college to find, and others never find it. I believe in my short 18 years and 7 months I have an idea of who I am. I am a strong willed, hard headed, caring, intelligent young woman who always seeks a challenge for a potential growth. This personality has yielded me to my friends who also make me who I am. Part of each of them lives in me and encourages me to do things that I normally would never do. It does not matter who or what I fear I know that my friends will always persuade me to be a better person. And love….as a wise friend one wrote “love is probably the best invention of voluntary motivation to do anything that comes along.” I know that no matter how badly I may fight with the ones that I love, they are making me a better person deep down inside. Each argument sticks to the back of my mind, correcting my wrong doings. Things like this bridge the gap between my personal and educational life.

                As of this day, my educational and my careers sectors are one in the same. It is MY JOB to go to school; a completely social and educational event. I know at a college level the friends…and enemies I make now will become permanent facets in my life. This is where my fear comes in. My fear to fail always prevails over me, and the fear of leaving this school without any type of lifelong connections. My family has always told me how important these friendships are imperative. So what if I am to make more enemies than friends. What if I leave and cut our time in half. What if what I learn here is different from what I will need to know much later on? It’s all so subject to change. Fearing that if I do poorly in school always pushed me to do more, because in my strong opinion fear facilitates action, no matter what you do. If I feared nothing, nothing would get done. Point blank.

Free time comes about twice a week at Baruch, well for me at least. Monday’s and Wednesday’s I have a three hour break because I dropped Sociology from my schedule due to already having taken it in high school. The first few weeks of school all I did was go to the library and sleep not he couches for a few hours. After waking up I felt unproductive and surprisingly, even more tired; which led to me sleeping in my history class. I decided that I would go to the gym for the first hour and then go out to eat. So on Monday’s and Wednesday’s I bring my gym bag with a change of clothes and I work out for about an hour. Monday’s I do chest and Wednesday’s I do legs. This worked out perfect for me.

After the gym I drink my shake and then I journey to the outside world, in close parameters of Baruch of course, and search for places to eat. I usually get egg whites with ham on a whole wheat roll, sushi, spanish food, or if it is raining out I get lunch in the cafeteria. Lunch in the cafeteria is pretty expensive and not worth the money, but I have to eat so sometimes I just order the Japanese food. Once classes are over though I must venture back into the wild, Staten Island that is, to return home. Three out of the four days I go to school I have work. Ugh, work…

When I first got to Baruch, I was reluctant to try anything. My sister tried talking me into joining her sorority. My response was, “NO FREAKIN’ WAY.” Nothing interested me, whatsoever. My best friend Bianca dragged me to an info session for this club called AIESEC. The room was packed and the club itself sounded pretty cool. I decided I should just apply for the hell of it. The interview process wasn’t bad at all. After a few billion questions about my strengths and weaknesses, followed by a phone call, and another billion questions, and another phone call, I was in. I’ve only been in AIESEC for nearly 2 months, but I can definitely say that I really like it. I’ve gotten to know some really cool people – including you, Alina- haha. Getting involved has definitely made my college experience more fun. I spend less time to myself, and more time socializing. So far AIESEC has taught me about networking, making connections, and developing as a leader with my own strengths. I love it. We have some pretty innovative people in AIESEC, that make a trojan suit of armor out of stickers. That’s real creativity. I love getting to know people that are driven, ambitious, and so nice to their newbies.
Its great to know that AIESEC is a global organization. I can’t wait until I get to travel abroad, myself, to wherever the heck I want. As far as furthering my involvement goes, I definitely want to take on more leadership positions. I’m not too sure what I want to do yet. There are so many options – organizing or facilitating a conference, being a mentor – I can’t decide. Either way, I’m going to be sticking in AIESEC for a while, and I cant wait to see what I’ll accomplish in it.

As of September, I’ve been a Baruch Bearcat….on the swim team of course. Getting involved in the swim team isn’t really a big surprise for me because I was on my high school team also. Before I even chose which school I was going to, I knew I wold try out for the swim team. It’s really arduous, the workouts; they can go on for hours. But they are definitely worth it, I’m so much stronger than I was in high school. My freestyle has gotten better, and surprisingly I’ve found another stroke I’m good at…breaststroke. I don’t think I can have any leadership positions, seeing as how its by first year in the college and on the team, but I plan on staying with it till graduation year. For some reason, swimming isn’t a summer sport, so unfortunately I’ll be freezing my nads off till January but w/e its all in good fun. =] I love to swim, it’s part of what makes me, me.

I found the panel discussion to be quite boring so honestly, I can not really say I did not doze off during it, but I did hear something about reality while Charles Li was speaking, which had me wondering about it myself.  Reality has a lot to do with life.  Generally our perception of reality changes as we grow during our lives.  In my eyes, as youths we tend to often live in a fantasy world, whether it be because we are ignorant, oblivious or anything else.  As we grow older, we mature and start thinking about our responsibilities and realize we have to take control of our futures.  So, in our adult years reality kicks in and we see the world in a new light where more is expected of us.  Later in life if you become old and senile then life once again is a fantasy.  I think that is a problem with many people today, they do not live in reality until it kicks their ass and by then, sometimes it is too late.