Who Are WE? We're PR3!

I have to say, college is so much tougher than the rumors made it out to be back in high school.  I thought having a schedule that ends at 12:30 three out of four days a week would be a piece of cake, but college still finds a way to steal away all my sleep.  This is one of the main reasons I haven’t gotten involved in any clubs: there is simply too much work that needs to be done.  I also want to say, all the hype people make up about how you must get involved if you want to make any friends is just bull.  Yes it might help you make a few more friends than you would already make in your block, but it’s not a necessity and I’m getting tired of people telling me that I must join a club or I’ll be friendless.

I’m not sure what clubs are out there, but the only one that I know of that I have some interest in is the bowling and pool club? Bowling and ping pong? I forget what it’s called but it has bowling, and that is one of my passions.  I gave it up 8 months ago but I dearly miss it, and I’m itching to get back.  I heard it’s not that active so if I can gather up a few friends, I might want to start a club exclusively for bowling since it’s not that popular but I believe it’s a sport that’s heavily underrated.

Somehow I’ve managed to make some awesome friends spending my time down at the handball courts.  Socializing while doing something that we all enjoy is a great way to break the ice and best of all, I just have to go downstairs during my free time between classes to find friends.  It wasn’t easy at first, but once you meet one friend, it just snowballs and everyone just seems more comfortable with each other.  I’m glad I met these cool new people in PR13 because it really showed me how nice people are at Baruch.  It’s nothing like high school where it’s a free for all and everyone’s only looking out for themselves.

Who said being first was everything? Definitely, being the best brings fame and praise, but I’m not interested in those trivial things. I do not need the recognition of other people to boost my self-esteem; all I need is to show myself that I did a good job. I do not worry myself with trying to be number one because most of the time, I know my abilities are limited and just second or third place is good enough for me.
Now, I know some people are thinking, “But ambition is everything, ambition is necessary to succeed.” I’m not saying I’m not ambitious, I’m simply saying I’m not overambitious, because some people take competition to whole new level. Unless you’re Michael Phelps or Kobe Bryant, or have an overwhelming talent that distinguishes you from everybody else, absolutely go and strive to be the best; but I know my limitations and my talents surely stops short of gold medal. As an average person, yes I have abilities that are seen as “better” than others, but to try and perfect them would be an unrealistic goal, for I would not have the resources that others might have.
Some good examples are areas where there is always competition: sports and school. When I play a sport, I aim to become better, but generally I play to have fun. I don’t care if I win or lose or get a lower score, all that matters is that I did my best. If I play terribly, I would get mad at myself. If I played well, even if I lost the game, I would feel good because I was able to show myself that I can do it. In school I definitely try to get the best grade possible, but I’m not the type of person to go and ask others what grade they got on their homework to compare who did better. Academically, I know where I stand; I know I’m not the most brilliant but I also know I’m not a complete idiot.
Many people want the satisfaction of being “better” than somebody else, and sometimes I give people that satisfaction purposely because that’s not important to me; I don’t have to be better than anyone, I just want to satisfy my own expectations of myself. Many people follow the standard to be the best, the valedictorian of the student body or the alpha wolf in a pack. What they don’t realize is that the salutatorian has achieved just as much, and has just as much talent as the other person, but they don’t get enough credit merely because they are number two.
I set my own standard: to follow goals that I feel is achievable for myself. My theory is that I would feel much better and more accomplished achieving a goal that is “lesser” than to fail at a goal that was set too high to begin with and end up with disappointment. So to speak, I’m not that competitive. But, if anything at all, arrogance and exaggerated egos will always force out my competitive side; nothing annoys me more than boasting and narcissism. Only then, will I feel the need to be better than another person because I feel that the person has personally challenged me, whether it be a sport or school or anything else.

If a stranger were to come up to me and ask, “Who are you?”, one option would be to simply reply with my name and that, unfortunately, is not enough for somebody to find out who I am, and therefore does not answer the original question though it gives the illusion that it does.  For somebody to get to know me, or anybody at all, it takes more than just a name; which brings me to my first concern at Baruch: the inability to make friends.  I had no idea college could be this different, perhaps it’s all psychological.  I cannot remember how I began life in high school or even made all the friends that I had, but it was easy then.  Now in college, it’s probably the new setting and unfamiliar atmosphere that has got the best of me; letting free the shyness and insecurities that did not show just three months ago.

From what I’m hearing, college is the place where you make friends for life, though this sounds both appealing and frightening.  I want to meet new people; unless you are an academic god or an isolated soul, friends are your only lifeline in college especially when your professors aren’t going to be holding your hand.  However, as much as I want to meet new people, opportunities are often restricted.  Socializing in class is known to be frowned upon and people already have their established cliques, making it awkward and discouraging to “invade” the group.  I know I’m making this seem more difficult than it is, but that’s who I am.  I’m not one of those outgoing, talkative types who always raise their hands in class, as much as I want to be.  I’m the quiet kid in the back, and trying to make myself known would be a feat as I’m just the average boy.

I sense that the stereotype “all Asians look alike” is beginning to hold some significance because I feel like I’m the same as every other Asian guy.  Everything about us became conformity, because it has become a trend to “do what’s popular.”  From fashion to sports and even hobbies, the similarities are surprising.  “The clothes we wear have become a uniform,” (quote courtesy of Tim Delaghetto), and I challenge you to try to name an Asian who doesn’t play handball or has taken up volleyball and dancing in the past year.  I no longer feel unique and I no longer try to stand out, because as hard as I try, the greater societal forces just knocks me back into this giant pool of Asians who all looks completely identical.  That’s who I think I am: just the average Asian boy.  The roles we all play as a son, student, friend, or boyfriend are shared, and even something that personal does not differentiate us from one another.

My other concerns, in short, is not being able to keep up with the work and not being able to adapt to my new environment.  As all of us freshmen are, we are used to our teachers chasing after us to complete our assignments, but now all the responsibilities are on me to meet deadlines.  Baruch is quite similar to my high school, with the large diversity and student population I feel right at home.  However, the large amount of free time coupled with the dreaded deadlines that becomes your duty to find out on you own will take some time for me to adjust to.  Even though it’s been about a month into college, I still feel awkward and lost when I’m out of school.  Baruch is already completely different from what I’ve known about school before, but I plan on joining some clubs to better my social network and live the college life because there’s no meaning in just going to school and not becoming active.

My first year will change me into a more disciplined individual, a harder working student.  I hope to cure my procrastination and carefree attitude towards education, and emerge with a mindset that would allow me to succeed in a society where my race and economic background has already put me at a disadvantage.