Who Are WE? We're PR3!

Throughout high school, I’ve always had an interest in dancing.  In fact, I was in Urban Dance Club for three years (on and off) and did a lot of break dancing.  On the very first day of school here at Baruch, I went to the basement to play handball with Derek, but as we passed by B3, I heard hip-hop music and turned my head to see a group practicing a routine.  They saw me standing there dumbfounded and asked me if I was interested in joining.  I suppose the rest is history as I became the newest member of Reign Supreme Crew.   Joining the dance crew definitely enhanced my experience here at Baruch, considering it isn’t much of a college experience here since everyone’s a commuter.  It was an easy way to meet new people without going out of my way to socialize.  It gave me common grounds with others with the same interest as much and allowed me to express my interest in hip-hop choreography.  The group is divided into seniors and juniors, seniors being the advance dancers and having the most experience and juniors being novices and recently joined members.  I plan on advancing into the senior group and create new choreography for the group and hold workshops together with other senior members to attract more members.  I see a bright future for the group if we can claim club status and become more united as a crew.   For me, the crew helped me break out of my stage-fright and definitely boosted my confidence, not only in dance but in everything I do.

This is my monologue.  I don’t even know where to begins so I’m gonna break out the freewrites from the past few weeks.  I like doing my hair.  It’s been growing out now but I’m just too lazy to get a haircut.  Actually I wanted to grow it out, I’m inspired to grow out Dumbo’s hair from Poreotics and then dye it blue.  Besides my hair, I like how easily I adapt to stuff.  Tight situations, new happenings, you know, I just adapt to them easier.  I’m determined to reach my goals and I like proving my worth to others, and myself.  I don’t like my attitude sometimes, it’s annoying.  I have a short fuse and I get selfish sometimes.  I like going to church and playing volleyball and taking photos.  And dance, I dance a lot.  I need a job, like really bad.  I’ve been selling all my sneakers for extra spending money.  FAFSA should send me a freaking check already.  And where the hell is my TAP?!  I need that money, seriously.  But yeah, I need a job though so I don’t have to sell any more of my sneakers.  I look up to my sister and my father.  He’s hella inspirational.  The way he cares for me and sister and love the family, I respect that.  I think that’s where I get my optimism from.  My sister knows me better than I know myself, she should write this shit for me.  But yeah, she cares a lot for me too.  She always talk to me about life and unexpectedly buy me things I like, she always know what I like.  I’m afraid of a lot of things.  After watching Let Me In, dark alleys creep me the hell out.  I’m afraid of failing too, it’s just hard to accept.  Like I’m afraid I disappoint people and break promises and stuff.  People have such high expectations of me so I’m afraid of letting them down.  I’m always happy, it’s like I live in Hakuna Matata, you know from Lion King?  It means no worries for the rest of your days, yeah that’s how I live by.  No stress, no worries, always happy.  And hungry, I’m always hungry.  I am happy with making others happy.  If I can make someone else smile, I feel accomplished.  I’m happy with accomplishment too, so it’s a double-win.  Things like finishing a puzzle or solving a hard math equation, I’m happy with the results.  Values are important to me.    My values are like respect, education, and bliss.  My education means better future right?  And living happy is living life.  Worrying is like sitting on a rocking chair, it doesn’t go anywhere but it gives you something to do.  Baruch is hella different than Bronx Science.  I gotta actually do work and pull my own weight.  More parties though, a whole lot more parties.  And the clubs and orgs are pretty cool, especially my Reign Supreme dance crew!  I feel guilty when I’m out with friends and I’m like “Oh yeah, I’m studying” or something to my parents.  That’s messed up.  I don’t do it anymore though, I just tell them that I won’t be home for a while, which is true.  I just realized this monologue has absolutely no transitions from ideas to ideas, it’s just mashing all my freewrites together.  It’s so bad, jeez.  But yeah, college is alright.  I would prefer to go to a dorming school though, commuting makes it feel like high school all over again.  But in college, I gotta manage my time better.  And meet new people.  People might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner.  I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.  After I joined the dance crew, I knew they were one of my own.  And my wolf pack, it grew by ten.  There were eleven of us in the wolf pack (like Ocean’s Eleven, haha), I was alone first in the pack, and then my crew mates joined in later.  I like Baruch so far though, hella freedom.  I like going around the campus, but spent hella money on food for lunch each day, damn.  Midterms now though, and that sucks.  That math exam yesterday was really hard.  I hope I got at least a 80 on it.  And this Sociology quiz, FUCK.  I have to put this away now and take this quiz.  Okay, I just finished the quiz, I think I did well.  I better do well, shoot.  I want at least a 3.5 this semester.  I made a wager with Riley that if I do, she’ll get me anything I want.  She’s hella nice to me too, she tutored me for that math exam yesterday.  And I need at least a 3.5 if I want to transfer anyway.  Yeah, sorry Baruch I don’t want to stay here.  Maybe Binghamton or Stony Brook or Buffalo.

How you telling me the sky is the limit when there’s footprints on the moon?

Hai, I’m Elvin.  To begin to define who I am, I wouldn’t even know where to start.  To scratch the surface, I suppose I’m a 17 year-old, Chinese-American, attending Baruch College.  The glass is always half-full for me, and I try to always maintain my joyous attitude.  I strive for success but I lack motivation.  I’m sleep-deprived almost all the time, it’s like I have permanent jet-lag, but I get by.  I like getting my name out and network as much as possible, it’s not so much attention I want, but recognition, reputation, and respect.  I’m proud of who I became through the struggle of identity I had throughout my life.  With the guidance of God, I’m so much closer to the person I imagine myself to be.  I trust others easily and I open up to others a lot.  I don’t like being labeled, it’s stupid and juvenile.  I’m a bit self-conscious about how I present myself to others but who isn’t, right?  Oh, and I have terrible commitment issues.

Baruch College is a new chapter in my life.  My major concerns for this chapter is responsibility, failure, and change.  College to me represents more responsibility, as a student, as an adult, and as an individual.  As a student, there’s no more calls or letters to my parents from my teachers stating that I’m borderline-failing their class.  I am responsible for my own grades, for handing papers in on time, for double-checking when I have an exam.  I need to step it up and prove myself that I can be responsible for my academics, employment, and taking care of myself.  Another concern I have is failure.  Failure to me is unacceptable but the lack of motivation contradicts this.  As much as I hate failure, and strive to be successful, I just don’t have motivation to push myself.  The support from my friends and family only goes so far and I need to pull my weight and shoot for the stars.  I refuse to fail and I won’t allow it to happen while I’m here at Baruch.  The last concern I have is change.  I want to change for the better.  I’m not a perfect person, actually I’m far from it.  But I work to make myself better day by day.

Obviously college is an entirely different experience than high school.  The 4000 student body of Bronx High School of Science is incomparable to the 17000 student body of Baruch College.  Because it was a smaller environment, people knew of and spoke to each other more often than how it is in Baruch College.  The classes in Baruch College is also different in that the class will move on whether you fully comprehend the lesson or not.  In high school, the class would go over lessons that caused confusion among the students.  I feel that in high school, we were pushed to go to class every day, do our work, and pay attention.  Contrarily, in college we choose to attend class, take effective notes, and study.

I think the first year at Baruch College will shape me into a more responsible, respectful young adult.  Hopefully I will learn to mange my time better, and complete my academic work in a timely fashion.  I think Baruch College will be a stepping stone to a successful future for me.  I hope the changes will be positive toward becoming a better individual.

I’m walking on air, living on a prayer.
I look up at the sky, and I feel like a millionaire.