Who Are WE? We're PR3!

I’m sure by now; everyone in this room is familiar with me, Derek. It’s been a little over a month since we’ve all started our college careers together in block 57. At first, I was really skeptic about making friends with everyone. It felt so different from high school, where everyone knew me and I could instantly connect with anyone. I spent the first couple weeks of college just hanging out with Elvin and anyone else I knew from before college. It felt weird just randomly associating with people from my class. But now, it feels completely different. This freshman seminar class really helped me get to know everyone. At first, it was like we were being forced to interact, and that was just awkward. Gradually, it became comfortable.

You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when I found out I was going to Baruch with Elvin, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack… it grew by one. So there… there were two of us in the wolf pack… I was alone first in the pack, and then Elvin  joined in later. And a month ago, when we were first introduced to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added twenty more guys to my wolf pack. Twenty of us wolves, running around Baruch together, looking for strippers and cocaine.

Baruch was definitely lacking the homely feeling that I had from high school during the first couple weeks of class. I didn’t know where to go or what to do during my breaks, but that has begun to change. I’m not saying I feel quite at home yet, but I don’t feel like a complete stranger anymore. Naturally, I started bonding with others, and saw how our small “block 57” came together. I know, I don’t get to hang out with you guys much after school, but that’s just because I have to go to work. But the time we do spend together during our free time is pretty cool. I learned that Matt Scott is an awesome math teacher, and I learned more from our small study group than what Professor Miller has taught us the past month. I learned that Andy and Thomas are actually pretty damn good at handball. And I learned that Aleksandra totally wants me (just kidding). All these small things are apart of the college experience that we’re going to look back on ten years from now and really miss. So besides all this Gauss Jordan stuff from calculus and forty page readings about slaves for English, Baruch isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Born and raised in liberal New York City to conservative parents who emigrated from India, I am someone who is constantly evaluating everything around me to define what my personal values are. Of course, it’s not nearly over yet as I still have much to explore about myself and my world, but right now, I’m chillen.

I came to realize that I’m extremely liberal, which is not unusual in this city. Throughout high school, my little self-discovery missions resulted in my desiring more independence from my restrictive parents. I prefer a resource-based economy to the monetary system the world is now committed to. I highly support cannabis legalization and gay marriage, and I’m pro-choice. Therefore, I’m no longer a Catholic.

I’m mad blunt. I say things as they are and don’t hesitate to question myself if I know doing so will allow me to learn something new. I like debating with people smarter than myself, and I especially like to prove people wrong when they are arrogantly ignorant, though not as much as I like to teach something to someone who’s willing and grateful to be educated, as that just sends good vibes, and I love good vibes. I don’t judge on first impressions, and I respect privacy and secrets. I don’t really get offended by anything. If I had to pick a political party, I’d be a Democrat who opposes big government.

I like to research and discuss social issues. I have a lot to say about a lot of things, and of course my views are dynamic – dependent on evidence and conclusive reports, along with personal experience if it is relevant to the topic. That means there’s the potential for my views to drastically alter, because it’s important for me to stay open-minded. I’m just mad real, yo. Peace&Love, take care.

Sife, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

-They’re asking you a question

-Oh, right… Uhm, do you remember what they asked?

-You’re hopeless.

-I know… So are you going to tell me?

-They want you to reveal something about yourself.

-Like what?

-How am I supposed to know, make something up.

-You know you’re a lot of help.

-I try.

“Hello. My name is Matt Scott. “

–That was very revealing.

-Shut up, I’m trying.

-Not succeeding…

“I grew up in a small town, the kind of town where everybody knew your secrets, and gossip was the major form of entertainment.”

–That’s getting there. Talk about yourself though not the town. You’ll put them to sleep

-You know you’re awfully critical for someone that isn’t helping.

-….

“Seeing how everybody knew everybody, the entire town had opinions on each and every resident, myself included. Somehow everybody starting thinking that I am destined for great things, and started dreaming things for me that I myself never dared of dreaming for myself. If you ask the people from my village (because we don’t have enough people to actually be classified as a town) they would tell you that I have the ability to cure cancer, end world hunger, and establish world peace if only I had the mind for it. You can imagine the affect this has had on me. Most people have just the expectations of their parents and close family members or friends resting on their shoulders, I have an entire village. Like Atlas, I fear I will buckle under the enormous weight, letting a village’s worth of expectancy crumble. To disappoint those who lost their own dreams, and found them again in me was to accept the fact that dreams can never come true, and that isn’t a possibility.”

-Wow, that’s more like it.

-Thanks

“There’s more to me than just expectations though. I mean, in the end I’m just another stupid human.”

–Well at least you got one thing right.

-No one is asking you.

“But the end doesn’t matter. It’s what you do with the time you have that counts, and I plan on making every second count. I may have started off as a one man wolf pack, but I plan on ending as part of something bigger.”

-Did you really just make a “Hangover” reference?

-Yes, yes I did.

-Nice.

“The thing that I believe makes me different from most people is the manner in which I think.”

-If people knew how you thought they’d think you’re crazy.

-Well thank God they can’t hear this conversation

“I’ve found that the great majority of people think along the same lines. That is, they see a problem, and they look for the obvious answer. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with this, in fact I sometimes feel as if it’s the better way to think. I have the phenomenal ability to overcomplicate everything. But occasionally this helps me arrive at a better solution in the end, even though it’s a very unclear route how I arrived there.”

-You’re losing them again, stop bragging.

-I’m not bragging, it’s an observation.

“What is most important to me though are my values. If I didn’t have those I’d be nobody. It these little things that make up who and what I am. They are the pieces that make up the puzzle of Matt Scott. I won’t go into details, because we’ll be here all day. But here are a few, take from them what you want: You can’t let other people tell you who to be, live for yourself so that in the end the only person responsible for your mistakes is you. Don’t let people get you down, if you let the bad make an impact, you won’t notice the good. And have fun, you only live once, so don’t let embarrassment or fear stand in the way of what you want to do.”

-Do you think that’s revealing enough for them?

-I think that’ll do. Bravo.

My dad has been a role model throughout my life. However, there are times, when I just can’t stand his lecture, especially during dinner time. I mean, come on, I’m trying to enjoy my meal here. He always repeats the same stuff every time, over and over. I decided to just ignore him, but In order to prevent him from become upset; I just nod my head and pretend that I’m listening. But I can tell, by the look of his face, he is so not buying it. Sometime, I just wish the phone would ring or just anything, as long as it would stop him from yapping at me. I’m just going nod that head of mines and finish my dinner as quick as possible so I can return to my room and be free and peaceful.

Here I am, in college. It seems like it should be some life changing event, and in some ways it is but yet I’m still myself. I am a hardworking and a success driven girl and I will do what needs to be done when it needs to be done no matter what. I have a really strong pride in my ability to multi task: my school, work, family, friends; I like the adrenaline that I get from being on a tight schedule, deadlines work for me because they give me structure. Excuses don’t fly with me, if I need to get something done; it will get done no matter if I’m sick, or if there’s a hurricane outside. I have this sick need to succeed in the things I do. My education and my family are the most important things in my life. These two building blocks shape and guide my progression. There’s a saying that you have to surround yourself with positive people, but believe me, my family is not positive. There isn’t a quiet moment in my house, and that works for me. My friends are no different, they are all loud and obnoxious but I love them and they wouldn’t be my friends if I didn’t. I said that I was driven by the need to succeed, but I’m not afraid of being unsuccessful, I’m afraid of letting down the people closest to me such as my family. Their support and their confidence in me scare me a little because if I let them down that wouldn’t work. Their support in my goals and aspirations empowers me. It gives me a feeling of achievement. I also get that feeling when I actually accomplish something, whether it is a good grade, or doing something good at work or beating my brother at basketball. Basketball and SING used to be an important part of my life, my social life revolved around my teams and that’s the core of my friend base from High school. But I see them less and less as we grow more assimilated into our own college experiences and I fear that I will lose those friendships which took years to form and held up through so much. College is a whole new thing for me, and it’s a little difficult that I don’t always know where I am going or where I am suppose to go. I’m taking it slower and I think that’s okay. When I’m comfortable enough with the technical parts of college, like classes, I will get deeper into the college social life. I’m excited for it and to really continue to develop myself and meet new people and find new interests. I think that all of those opportunities are open and that’s a great feeling to have.  Time is my biggest problem, there just isn’t enough of it to go around and I don’t think I can make more time, but I can figure out ways to use it well. What needs to stay in there is time for fun, time to do things that I actually like doing: going to the gym or watching a movie. I don’t want to lose myself, I want to live my life and I want to succeed in doing it. It’s a tall order, and I might fail at it, but I will keep trying and hoping that the next experience will be better. I live my life by the notion that “what goes around, comes around”, I do good things to people and I hope that good things will happen to me. A pet peeve is my inability to control things like peoples actions. All I can do is play my part and hope that everything else will fall into place. For that reason I am super crazy about the things that I can control, if it will give a better chance than I’ll take it. I don’t know what sense I made just now, and I cannot try to summarize this train of thought. But that’s me and that’s the only person I can be- “believe in yourself and all that you are.
know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.”



I’m a naturally shy and quiet individual.  The thing I like most about myself is that I’m an honest, genuine person and if I care about you, it won’t be hard to figure out, the same goes for if I don’t particularly like you.  Another thing I like is that I’ll always be myself and that I won’t change for the approval of anyone.  One of my qualities that I’m not all that fond of is my laziness; it tends to prevent me from doing as well as I could.  Procrastination has never helped me and though it has developed into a habit, I know I can change it.  Another bad habit I have is that in order for me to do well, I usually have to do bad first before I have a motive to do well.

The most important things in my life are family and friends because I know I can always rely on them or confide in them whenever I have a problem.  Besides my family and friends, music and sports, in particular basketball has a big impact on who I am.  I watch games whenever they’re on and play in the park when I have time.  Music is sort of my escape from everything because it helps me relax and focus.

What I’m afraid of most is losing the things I care about most because when you really care about something, you develop an attachment that is nearly impossible to let go.  To me, losing something I care about is like losing apart of yourself, so that is why my personal motto is to “Cherish the moments that make you happy.” My mentality is that if there’s no happiness in life what else is there to live for.  Without happiness all that’s left is pain, regret, and sorrow.

Who said being first was everything? Definitely, being the best brings fame and praise, but I’m not interested in those trivial things. I do not need the recognition of other people to boost my self-esteem; all I need is to show myself that I did a good job. I do not worry myself with trying to be number one because most of the time, I know my abilities are limited and just second or third place is good enough for me.
Now, I know some people are thinking, “But ambition is everything, ambition is necessary to succeed.” I’m not saying I’m not ambitious, I’m simply saying I’m not overambitious, because some people take competition to whole new level. Unless you’re Michael Phelps or Kobe Bryant, or have an overwhelming talent that distinguishes you from everybody else, absolutely go and strive to be the best; but I know my limitations and my talents surely stops short of gold medal. As an average person, yes I have abilities that are seen as “better” than others, but to try and perfect them would be an unrealistic goal, for I would not have the resources that others might have.
Some good examples are areas where there is always competition: sports and school. When I play a sport, I aim to become better, but generally I play to have fun. I don’t care if I win or lose or get a lower score, all that matters is that I did my best. If I play terribly, I would get mad at myself. If I played well, even if I lost the game, I would feel good because I was able to show myself that I can do it. In school I definitely try to get the best grade possible, but I’m not the type of person to go and ask others what grade they got on their homework to compare who did better. Academically, I know where I stand; I know I’m not the most brilliant but I also know I’m not a complete idiot.
Many people want the satisfaction of being “better” than somebody else, and sometimes I give people that satisfaction purposely because that’s not important to me; I don’t have to be better than anyone, I just want to satisfy my own expectations of myself. Many people follow the standard to be the best, the valedictorian of the student body or the alpha wolf in a pack. What they don’t realize is that the salutatorian has achieved just as much, and has just as much talent as the other person, but they don’t get enough credit merely because they are number two.
I set my own standard: to follow goals that I feel is achievable for myself. My theory is that I would feel much better and more accomplished achieving a goal that is “lesser” than to fail at a goal that was set too high to begin with and end up with disappointment. So to speak, I’m not that competitive. But, if anything at all, arrogance and exaggerated egos will always force out my competitive side; nothing annoys me more than boasting and narcissism. Only then, will I feel the need to be better than another person because I feel that the person has personally challenged me, whether it be a sport or school or anything else.

Monologue

I will tell you about me, but you will never quite see the whole picture… I am an enigma, so I’ve been told. I am a spark-plug, a bad influence, a deviant, a philosopher, an artist, a best friend, a narcissist, a habitual procrastinator, basically anything that suits me at a given time. I enjoy satisfaction, I do what I can to guarantee it. I have no known fear, but I’m sure it will present itself soon enough. Life can, at times, be hard. “Choice is an illusion created by those with power to fool those without.” I take this to heart, and i choose not to be the latter. I am a character, brooding and sarcastic. My life is the theatre. You are my audience. I am not here to entertain you.

My name is Ahreana Alexis Blair, its sounds serious and for good reason. I think very highly of myself and this is how I show myself to others. I don’t shake easily, nor deter or falter. Once I decide on something I defend it dogmatically. I can be very judgmental at times, and most of the time it is to my benefit. First impressions are highly effective and are often all I need to get a good hold on you. I am consistently divulging myself in aesthetics, its a part of my life, as shallow as that may seem. I don’t care. Most people I meet, are intimidated by me at first glance, apparently I have this serious looking face; I’m sorry I just cant get rid of it. I like making friends but will let some go if I have to. I’m very controlling and domineering, and its off-putting at times. I am what I am, I’m not changing.

As junior year of High School came around, the question of what I was supposed to do in college also came with it. I never had and still don’t have any particular passion I would like to focus on as my career, so it was difficult for me to settle on what I should do, and what I should major in and so on. As I began to think about what I would make of my future, I was almost forced to contemplate over who I was as an individual. Although I still do not have a concrete answer to that, I am now able to at least discuss who I might be.

In this mini period of self discovery I realized that my most valuable trait is also my biggest flaw. In order to be happy I need to make people happy which often times leads me to prioritize other people’s wants and needs. This characteristic is critical to my identity. My goal is always to satisfy others. In my home, I am always attempting to please my parents by bringing home good grades, taking care of the house work, and trying my best to not be a financial burden. With my friends, I never make the final decisions in any circumstance we are in. I always let others make the decisions because my satisfaction comes from theirs.

These actions are most likely rooted in the fact that I might just be scared to be alone. If I prioritize other peoples wants and needs I avoid being rejected by someone. However, I am perfectly happy when I am alone. But because I have people in my life that I love and love me, I know I actually will never be alone. No one ever really is. Which brings me to the only passion I have that I can think of; love. I am very passionate about my friendships and my relationship. My best friends are not just friends they are my brothers and sisters. They are my family. My friends, boyfriend and most importantly my immediate family are the people I will always remember no matter what situation I am in because of the love that bonds us. Love is what drives me to do what I do, to be what I am and isake in my life.

Aughhh. 6:45 a.m. WHY IS IT SO FREAKIN’ EARLY?
Okay Crystal, you better make it to class on time today. You can’t be late again. If you walk into class again and there’s a lecture going on, everyone’s going to stare at you like,
“This idiot’s late again”
My eyes are like little red poofs, and they’re smaller than usual. And you’re breaking out. It must be from all that sleep that you’re not getting. Seriously, you need to work on this whole, not sleeping enough thing. You told yourself that you were going to go to bed by 1 a.m. What did you do? You went on Facebook until two in the morning chatting away, with that annoying popping sound. Pop, pop, pop. Then you started your homework…WHICH YOU DIDN’T FINISH! Crystal, you need to get it together. You’ve got some serious time management issues. And you need more sleep. When you come home, you’re going to take the best nap ever.
I HATE SCHOOL. I hate that Fing commute and the random guy on the subway that likes to lean on the pole when my hand is there. I hate the long walk from the station. I hate situating myself in that little teeny desk with squeaky chairs. I hate thinking in the morning!
At least you don’t have math today. Calculus at 8:40 in the morning? Seriously? I can’t form sentences in the morning, let alone look at x^2+2x, squiggly line, asymptotes, parabolas, and curvy looking f, stuff. It doesn’t help that the professor chews up the end of every sentence. But, you really need to stop texting and drawing ugly unicorns in class. You were never great in math in the first place.
That test yesterday was awful. The last one I took before that one was like two years ago. Every time I started a new problem, I kept going “WHAAAAT IS THISSSSSS!!!” The people next to you must have thought you were some moron. Crystal, you really can’t fail this class though. If Mama Lee doesn’t murder you first, then you’ll be forced to stay at that stagnant position at Hollister saying “Hey, what’s up!” making $9 an hour. Not to mention the fact that you’re going to live with mom and dad forever. No wealthy man wants marry a failure. You won’t be allowed to have pets because mom hates them, so you’ll just be alone forever eating spicy ramen noodles because that’s all you can afford. Whatever, just don’t fail. It’s that simple.

But really, what the fack goes on with that calculator. They asked what the biggest obstacle would be this semester. It’s definitely that TI-89. Plus those so called escalators that don’t move which you trip up almost everyday. Who falls UP the stairs!? Gosh, I’m so lame. It’s no wonder that I’m such a loner, in my one man wolf pack. I’m clumsy, uncoordinated, I have dorky glasses, and I laugh at my own really bad jokes.. I guess I have really nice, fine, straight, luxurious hair. But these bangs are always out of place. You’re not so bad looking, and you have freckles. You don’t have a really great personality, but you’re kind of intelligent. Still you always say stupid things, and you make mess out of everything. and why do you always make conversations awkward. You are so freakin’ awkward, and shy for no reason. Plus, you’re short. Actually, you’re just funsized. You’re not yellow. You’re golden. You should tell some kid you’re Filipino today, but you’re a terrible liar.

It’s always nice to having my ego fluffed. I’m sure I’m not the only one that enjoys it. I’m so full of it sometimes. But I guess if Christina Aguilera can tell herself she’s beautiful, so can I. HAHA. I’m so funny. No one else thinks so, unfortunately.
But really, love yourself, even for your imperfections. You can handle whatever life gives you because you take everything one stupid escalator- step at a time.
Who are you? You’re Crystal Lee. Every morning, you turn your swag on. You enjoy the little things in life like the top of crème brule, when you don’t have to wait for the train, and you’re your favorite song comes on the radio. You’re alone first in your wolf pack, and others will join later because you’re sincere, clever, modest, quirky, soft spoken, ridiculously sarcastic, and most of all you’re you.
Just remember what Marilyn Monroe said,

“It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”