On the few occasions when I’m asked who are you and questions of the like two things automatically come to mind; the song Who Are You by The Who and a quote I had once read online by E.E. Cummings:
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
The quote mentioned above doesn’t necessarily answer the question who am i, but it reminds me of the person I don’t want to be.
I’ve gone through many phases in life including the extremes from hanging out with potheads and never going to school or doing anything for that matter to only focusing solely on school and work and kissing my social life goodbye. . . and all the little baby steps in between. But the one common thread was that none of the was ME!
I never really “fit in” (whatever that means) and over the years I came to the conclusion that I’m okay with that. I rather be myself (semi-materialistic, obnoxiously loud, snarky, sarcastic, but all with good heart <3) than what society thinks I should be.
- I’ve been told that my laugh sounds like a person having an asthma attack, but I’ve embraced it overtime.
- I’ve been told I have poor etiquette because I don’t believe in saying excuse me after I burp, since once I start burping there’s usually ten more that follows the first one.
- I’m supposed to cross my legs when wearing a skirt or dress, but I don’t find that position very comfortable. [ and yes, that’s what she said].
- And I’m aware that when I wear my hair naturally curly I resemble a lovechild between Diana Ross and Chaka Khan.
- And I’m aware that maybe I should invest in a size 6 pair of jeans rather than sticking to a size 4 and having a muffin top, but I’m not ready to make that kind of commitment. . . so don’t look if it’s that unsightly.
But, with that being said I’m aware of my flaws and quite frankly I don’t care. It’s what makes me, me and I spent so many years trying to please everyone with my mannerisms and behavior that I started to be so self-conscious and lost a sense of self.
And Baruch. . . well I see myself staying here for all four years, so I’ll take that as a sign that it’s going pretty well. It’s so much different from highschool it’s such a breath of fresh air. Highschool for me was full of drama, cliques, gossip, etc. and it didn’t help that I didn’t have such a great reputation. But here at Baruch no one cares who you are or what you look like because everyone’s generally here for the same purpose.
I’ve always felt a sense of independence since I’ve been in control of my own financial needs once I started working, but in highschool I felt like an infant. Teachers always said things like “well you’re a senior now and on your way to adulthood so I’m going to treat you guys like adults,” well if that was so true why’d you call my mom to tell her I cut your class and was missing a few homework assignments? LIES. But at Baruch I don’t feel forced, my professors generally treat me like there’s more than air between my ears and I like it. Especially since I know that whatever grade I receive reflects a less jaded image of the work I put into getting that grade, because in highschool there was always that kid that got a grade higher than he/she deserved for being a sycophant.
Since the start of college, I’ve noticed a slight shift in my values. At first I was like how am I supposed to work and support my lifestyle. This schedule is horrible. But, now it doesn’t really bother me and I’ve realized maybe focusing on my school work & grades a tad bit more is better in the long run. (Rather than thinking about how am I going to buy those over-the-knee boots I saw at Nordstrom since I barely work anymore). Being that it’s only been the first few weeks and I already had a major epiphany, I definitely foresee more shifting in my values. . . for the better perhaps.
As a frosh at Baruch, I’m mainly concerned with my first semester grades because the style of grading and learning definitely differs from highschool and there’s no basis of comparison. Ideally I’d like a GPA of 3.o if not better. I also wonder if I’ll make a good friend or two since I tend to make connections with people that come and go like seasons and I’m not sure if I’m willing to join a club or something. And lastly I wonder if once I get to choose my own classes will my Baruch experience be enhanced. Other than that everything’s pretty chill 🙂
By the way, while typing this entire thing I kept wondering how disgusted my english professor would be with my misuse of commas and semicolons.
