Freshman Seminar 2011: CFA

Fear. Its often something that is inevitable. Even if we feel fearless and dominant against the world, the truth is we all have underlying fear. Whether it be a fear of an animal or inanimate object, we all have them. Growing up, my list of fears went on for days. Some of them including my fear of spiders, midgets, scary movies, looped roller coasters, sleeping in the dark, the Easter bunny, and so many more. Even though I may still be afraid of most of the things on this list, a few new fears have been added on.

Upon attending Baruch College, I was so excited and thrilled to start a new chapter in my life… until college actually began. I then realized that there’s so much in the real world that I don’t think I’m ready for yet; I realized, I’m afraid of growing up. When I was younger, so many people would ask me “ What do you want to be when you grow up?” My response: a princess, but unfortunately for me that’s impossible. But now after many years of maturing, I know that during my time here at Baruch, I need to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life and it’s terrifying. All my previous decisions seem irrelevant compared to deciding my career and future. Do I really want to sit in a cubicle all day crunching numbers? Will I be good at my job? Will I like what I’m doing? What if I never get hired by a major corporation? These questions haunt me almost everyday. I know my future is important and how I perform in college is crucial to whether or not I will be successful. But what if I don’t succeed in college?

For me, high school was a breeze. I didn’t study to my fullest potential, but still managed to do above average. Some of my high school accomplishments include Honor Roll, National Honor Society, and 3 Prestigious Awards at Graduation. After my successful completion of high school, I’m afraid I won’t be as good of a student at Baruch. With college comes a lot of work, and studying. The question is, can I handle it? I know things won’t be handed to me, and if I don’t study, I will fail. The hardest part about college is knowing that these 4 years determine whether or not I can handle the real world. There’s a constant pressure to succeed in college. One mistake and my future could take a turn for the worst. Will I crack under the pressure?

Independence. At some point, we all have to learn to be on our own. We all have to learn to do things independently and not rely on others to help us with our burdens. When I think about it sometimes, freedom sounds awesome. I get to make my own rules, and live life the way I want to, without any hesitation. I could make my own decisions, without the influence of others. I get to stay up as late as I want to, without getting questioned by my dad. I can even eat junk food for dinner. But on the other hand, I realize it will be just me against the world. I’ll be completely independent. I’ll be living alone. My work load will have to be completed without the assistance of others. Just Me, all the time. I’ll have, what feels like, the weight of the world on my shoulders and for that, I’m terrified.