DTF

Its more of a story than a monologue really. There’s actually no ‘logue about it. hmmmmm…..

I remember the day as if my mind were a bronze plate and the image had been etched into it.

As a young girl I had been bullied. Extensively

Punched, teased, spat on, followed, had my stuff stolen, and at some point I had songs composed about me. Very unfortunate songs.

This particular day the sky was cloudy and overcast and I was sitting on the bench by the red park as the students in PS80 always called it, with my friend Elijah.

Now the thing about Elijah was he was a boy, he was unpopular and he was a fourth grader.

That is to say that he would do just about anything to be in with the popular boys.

Enter Deshawn sanders.

Deshawn was the second most popular boy in school, ousted only by his twin brother Cequan.

I had a crush on him at some point.

He thought I was a complete loser.

I was completely used to this and was unbothered by the whole thing.

Meaning I went home and sobbed uncontrollably on my sister, who was older and more popular than myself (which wasn’t exactly hard seeing as I had no friends. At all. You’ll see why I’m discounting Elijah in a moment.)

back to the story

we were sitting on a flaky green bench near the red park talking about absolutely nothing when Deshawn decided to walk himself over to us.

“this your girlfriend Elijah?”

typical bully talk.

I looked down. Already embarrassed. Good thing you can’t see dark skinned people blush.

“no”

“so why are you always with her?”

“I don’t know”

I forgave him. There really isn’t anything to say in this sort of situation as a loser fourth grader. You aspire to popularity. When popularity comes over to you you try to get in with it.”

“so hit her.”

great. Just great. I continued looking at the floor. Having already forgiven Elijah. He wants to be popular just as much as I do right? Boys are physical creatures. Whatever

It didn’t even hurt really. Elijah was skinny and I was not. Fat layer comes to the rescue yet again.

Deshawn smelling my weakness like a dog grinned

All I noticed was the fact that several new teeth were growing into his lower jaw, giving him a crooked toothy look.

Like a shark.

“in the face.”

This was okay too.

Wasn’t it?

Elijah needs this. I can do this for him. Friends sacrifice for friends.

Don’t they?

The hit landed.

Suprise.

I think my vision actually sharpened because I saw everything with this clarity that was insane.

I fingered the peeling green paint of the bench. And breifly wondered about children who ate the stuff and killed themselves.

Stupid. Just like this idiot that just punched me in the face

disrespectful

unforgivable.

I hadn’t actually ever been this mad before.

I rose very smoothly to my feet.

I remember every instant.

I wrapped the coarse fibers of his dreadlocks around my fingers, yanked him off the fence and proceded to visiously pound my fist into his face. Using his hair as a handle so he couldn’t get away.

I then threw him to the ground, kicked him in the ribs, sat on top of him and pounded his face into the asphalt.

I began laughing.

It was all so stupid. Bullies, this boy, the skewed loyalty I’d had originally… so silly

we were just dumbass fourth graders in a fucked up school and no one cared.

I wondered if I was going to get in trouble for this

I didn’t care.

Elijah was screaming, I was cackling, Deshawn was standing there shocked.

I climbed off of my bloody victim, my disgust was huge. I gave him another kick in the ribs.

“and shut up.”

Elijah, sniveling, picked himself up off of the floor and ran toward the school.

Yeah, I was definately getting in trouble.

I still didn’t give a damn.

Deshawn was still standing there.

How could I have ever had a crush on him? He was so stupid looking. Like really he had that look, the lack of intelligence shining out from his eyes.

This kid had absolutely no future and I knew it.

But this isn’t a movie

this is public school

“Your next.”

and from that day forward no one ever messed with me again.

A long time ago, from when I was maybe 7 or 8, my dad and I went to India for vacation to visit my grandmother. She lives on this farm, so she has a lot of animals like cows and chickens and a rooster. So, when we first got there, my dad went to put away our suitcase inside the house, and my grandmother went to help him. I decided to wander around. So I was walking around the front yard of the house minding my own business and enjoying the scenery, when all of a sudden I notice something behind me, and when I turned around to look, I saw this rooster charging at me (out of nowhere). I don’t know if roosters could look mad, but this one definitely was, for some reason. I was so scared and upset, because the rooster pecked me on my foot. I screamed of course, and my dad chased away the rooster.

I think the rooster went into hiding or something because I didn’t see it for a couple of days, so I thought I was safe. But a couple of days after that, my grandmother and my dad were sitting on the porch talking, and I was standing around near them in front of the porch. It all seemed peaceful. My grandmother’s house has a roof on the side of the porch. So on my right side, I looked over, and I saw the rooster climbing along the roof ready to charge at me again. I screamed again and ran into the house. My dad and grandmother scared it away again. And since that day I have been scared to walk around that house, at least for the remainder of that trip.

In life everyone undergoes events that change them. For me it was getting my drivers license. At age 17 everyone usually gets their driver’s license. For some it’s a quite easy task while for others like me its not. In order to get the license one must pass a driving test that consists of driving, turning, stopping and parallel parking. In addition, if you get more then 30 points off you fail. I did not pass the test on my first try. The first time I took the test was in June 2010 in Laurelton. I failed with about 90 points off. It was such a surprise considering I was such a good driver. I decided I was not going to give up and I would take it a second time. To ensure a pass the second time I got private lessons. To everyone’s amazement I failed again. So I got more private lessons. Unfortunately, my driving teacher took me to my road test the test the third, fourth, and fifth time and I failed every one of those times. The third time I took it in Jamaica in August 2010 with 80 points off. The fourth time I took it in Hicksville in October 2010 with 75 points off. The fifth time I took it in Garden City in December 2010 with 50 points off. By the fifth time I was almost as good as a NASCAR driver, there was such drastic improvement. My driving teacher suggested I give the DMV a break and wait a little before taking it again. I listened. I needed my license. I was not giving up considering I had my own car since August 2010. For the sixth time I went back to Garden City in March 2011. To my surprise I had an instructor that already gave me the test give me the test. And I passed! I only got 10 points off this time. Part of me thinks she just passed me because she felt bad but who cares I had my license!  Finally getting my license changed my life. It was really the first thing that I had to work for. All my friends had their license except for me. It was annoying relying on everyone else for rides. However, when I finally got it, I appreciated it so much. This taught me that not everything can be handed to you on a silver platter, that there are some things in life you have to earn.

Every year, exactly a month after my birthday my mom is exactly seventeen years older than me. So, your mom has you as a teenager and immediately you’re a statistic. There’s NO possible way, you can have a good and successful life, you’re going to be dumb, barely make it through high school, and even have to have been pregnant at least once before you get out of high school. Of course, when I was a kid, none of this fazed me, and then somewhere around the age of eight I started to realize how people saw me. I can still remember this one time, I was 12 when my aunt saw me with a guy in my neighborhood. I went home and my mom said me what I had done that day, I told her I was went with my friend to 7/11 and she told me be careful what you do and hat you see because apparently some members of my family automatically assumed I was having sex with him. How wonderful. Cause I’m not just 12 years old right? But still, much to their dismay, I graduated from high school in the top percentage of my class, and didn’t get pregnant. But still, on my 18^th birthday I was on the phone with my grandmother, and she asked me if my mom was back in school and said yeah, and she says to me, “oh that’s good at least she’ll be providing you with motivation to go to school. “And I was so shocked; it seemed no matter what I did, I would always be a statistic, doomed for failure. As if, all that I accomplished up until that point, never happen. But its okay, because I’m going to continue to prove them wrong and all their ignorance is just more fuel for my own self-motivation.

I’ve been best friends with one of my best friends for eight years. We’ve gotten into a fight or two, but over stupid things. But senior year I went on vacation with two of my other friends. We went out one night and one of her friends, who I wasn’t very fond of, came to hang out with us. We had fun that night just hanging out. The next day I went to go bbm her but I noticed she was no longer one of my contacts. So I texted her asking if she deleted me and she didn’t answer me. I was really confused and just assumed something happened to her phone. I later went on twitter and saw that she had tweeted something not very nice. So I assumed she was mad at me or something.  We worked together at the time, and the weekend that I got back from my vacation she wouldn’t speak to me or look at me. I was really confused because I didn’t do anything or even say anything to make her mad at me. Time went on and she didn’t speak to me. On graduation day I texted her, congratulating her and to enjoy college. She surprisingly answered back telling me that we needed to talk. I told her to let me know when. Two weeks later she texted me telling me to meet up with her. We met up and she had told me that the reason she de-friended me. Her friend that hung out with us during our vacation had told her that I was saying bad things about her and her private life. I was very upset that she had believed her and didn’t confront me about it. So we made up and spent almost everyday of the summer together. I learned from this experience that you can’t listen to what everyone says and take it so seriously, especially if you how that person is (if they’re a pathological liar, etc). Also, I learned that if I’m very mad at someone, I’m not going to de-friend them unless I get their side of the story as well.

One thing that changed me growing up was my first baseball game. I was never really a sports fan, and I never really understood what was going on, but I thought it would be cool to go to a game because I had never been to something so big and all the fans looked like they were having a great time at the game. So when my dad said he had tickets, I jumped on the opportunity to go. Before the game I tried watching ESPN and I just found it so boring and confusing, I thought I made a mistake by telling him I wanted to go. I couldn’t back out though, so when the day arrived I went to the game. I’m glad so I did, because while there my whole perspective on sports changed. I didn’t really understand what was going on, but just the atmosphere in the stadium really interested me. I got mad when the crowd got mad, and stood up and cheered when the crowd cheered. That night I got home and was completely changed. I wanted to know everything I could possibly know about every sport. Everyone figured I’d probably grow out of it, but I never did. Up until the day before the game I was obsessed with fashion and wanted to be the next Rachel Zoe, then coming home from the game, I decided I wanted to be a sports journalist, and I have ever since. It’s crazy to think had it not been for my first game, I probably never would’ve even cared to learn about sports, and now it’s what I want to be surrounded by for the rest of my life.

Last summer I was 145 pounds and my friend Bernard weighed around 120 pounds. We were at the beach and he told me he was a wrestler so I ask him if he wanted to wrestle me and he agreed. At first I thought I was going to win with no problems. I was wrong.  He was so much faster than I was that he grabbed my leg and took me down constantly. I am very competitive and I wanted to win but I kept losing. I was frustrated until I discovered that my school had a wrestling team. This was my school’s first year in B division and I thought that since it was my school’s first year it had to suck but I was convinced to get better to beat my friend. Training was hard and I haven’t work out for a long time so my calves would always cramp up to the point where my coach said my cramp felt like a heart while he was massaging my leg. But I didn’t give up and I made sure I cut to 130 and I made sure that even though I lost my first match I was still able to bring our team a win at the new York city finales. Ironically the team my school was facing was the school my friend attended. They were our first and last match and we beat them twice.

I’m not really sure how to explain who I am or who I’m becoming. I’m still in Process of finding myself and figuring out what I want to do in the future. I know I’m an 18 year old dominican kid, from NYC, who just started college and is trying to make the best of his college experience. Besides school, I like to shop, party, and I loving playing basketball.

I have a few concerns coming into college. One is will I be able to manage my time. College gives you a lot more free time than high school so I have to make sure I take the time out to do my work. Two, Is just taking my test and papers more seriously. In high school the test and papers weren’t really challenging but now they are and they’re a big part of my grade. My last concern would be to just get more into my school life and not be so concerned about what’s going on back home.

I think college will change my lazy habits and help me work harder on my education.

I don’t know who I am yet, I guess that’s what college will help me figure out; but I do know that I like who I am becoming. I am outgoing and entertaining, but I always stay respectful and honest. I was always taught to be the best person I can be in every situation, and for the most part I feel I do a pretty good job. At times we all make mistakes, so I’d never imply that I’m perfect, but I do try to make mistakes as little as possible, while still learning from the ones I made. After all, if you make a mistake and don’t learn from it, then that mistake was never worth making.

I can honestly say I like Baruch, with very little complaints or disappointments. However, there are some things I feel I do miss out on, considering that it is a commuter school. I’m concerned with not making those life long connections with people that you normally would by going away to college. I’m also concerned with not being as involved because we don’t really have that “campus” that you hear about at big universities, even though we are by no means a small university. And finally, I guess I’m concerned with how I will turn out after the four years are over, considering I’ve missed out on the experience of not going away to school. I have no disappointments with the schooling, because Baruch is an amazing school and that’s why I came here instead of going away just to go away, but I can’t sit here and honestly say I don’t have some disappointments about staying home.

Within the first few days I knew I’d enjoy Baruch more then high school. Simply because it gives me more freedom to be me, I mean after all college is all about finally working towards what you want to do, and not state requirements. High school was amazing, but Baruch wins hands down. The atmosphere is better, there are so many more people, and the teachers are more focused and passionate. Baruch is a great school, that’s what I heard, and no one lied to me. I can’t really say much, I mean after all we’ve only been in school 3 weeks, but it’s definitely been a great three weeks so far.

My first year of college I hope will put me in a more focused state of mind. This is my life now, and everything that I will achieve and fail at in the future will be completely on my shoulders. Its a lot to take in at first, especially since senior year was a joke to say the least, so I hope I can handle all of it. My first year will begin a journey that I hope will end in the most positive of ways. It’s my life now and its time to make it into the best life I could imagine, maybe even better than that!

Aaron Cabasso

 Who Do You Think You Are

I think that i’m an overall good person. Things you can categorize me with are athletic, confident, and brave. Ive been the captain on the hockey team since my first year in highschool so I guess you can say I have some leadership qualities as well. I have quite a few concerns about my freshman year at Baruch. The first being that I maintain a good GPA. I didnt have the best grades in highschool but I felt like I was underachieving, so im hoping my college experience will be different. Another concern I have is if I get overwhelmed with work. Between my hockey leagues and all that I have to do during the week, I need to make sure I leave time for my studies. Managing my time in college is key and I need to make sure I do this well. Lastly, im conerned about my attendance. A main difference between highschool and college is that you cant just get away with what you want anymore. This is the real world and your rules dont apply. Getting to class on time and consistently is essential to a good grade and ultimately a better GPA.

So far I realized that there is many things that will make my Baruch College experience different from my highschool experience. This time around, I know about 3% of the people around me. A huge change. Coming from a community school where everyone knew everyone, I was not used to this. Being surrounded by different ethnicities and religions was a big difference.

Ive been going to school I Brooklyn all my life, with barely a commute to get to my schools. But now im hopping on the train for 45 minutes, sometimes late at night, in the pouring rain, etc. Ive been slowly getting used to this change in my daily commute, and im hoping soon it’ll be a walk in the park.

This year im in a school without a hockey team. I have always wanted to play in college but I guess I will have to put that idea on hold for a little while. Maybe its good I focus on academics more than athletics my first year.

I have only been at Baruch College for a few weeks and already I feel like a totally different person. I cant explain it but for some reason when you begin college you become one step closer to being an adult. Maybe its the different, more mature environment, or the fact that there is people in some of my classes almost twice my age. Whatever it is, it makes you grow as a person. You are no longer a highschool kid, you’re a college student, ready to take on the world head on. I hope my years at Baruch College are filled with success and joy, and hopefully a good job some time in the future.