attempting the impossible

I’ll be honest, I have a very unclear picture of myself. There are certain indisputable facts that make up the details of my identity. I am about to turn 20, I was born in Brazil, I am an undergraduate, I live at home in Brooklyn, and I just ate some cashews. And then there are those facts which may not be all true, all the time. For example, I want to teach at a crappy high school to kids who deserve a lot better. I want to take a walk after I finish writing this. I’m probably not going out tonight. All of that might change. So who I am, overall? I guess if I had to say anything, I would say I am a person, constantly evolving and constantly striving for balance.

As a person who is striving for balance (as opposed to already being balanced), I am concerned, among other things, that I will slide into extremes. I wonder things like 1) Will I dive into my academics and leave behind my life, my friends, myself? 2) Will I throw away all possible chances of passing just to “make the most of freshman year” and have a lot of fun? 3) Will I be intimated by the smallest road bumps and run away, tail between my legs?

I worry about extremes because that was what caused the death of my high school experience. Hopefully, however, things will be different. Since 2009, I have grown quite a bit. My capabilities have  changed and my perspective on the world has, too. College will be different mostly because I have changed, and so have the people around me.

Of course I will continue to evolve and Baruch will fuel some of that growth. By the end of this first year, I will have a better handle on time management. I will speak to people, both students and teachers, with more ease. I will have a better grasp of what I want – from myself and from others. Basically, I have high hopes for Baruch. I have these high expectations of Baruch and I have to constantly remind myself that I should expect the same of myself. These next 4 years will be what I make of them.