Monologue

On Oct. 17^th 2011, I woke up to not the sound of my alarm clock but a facebook alert on my phone. It was a message sent from my older brother Kwaku, he wrote to inform me that he had left for deployment to Afghanistan and said he’ll be back next summer. I took some time to reflect on our memories together, though they weren’t much. Since he left to join the army in 2001, I’ve only seen him in total a week to this day. It was only up until a couple of years ago that I really began to miss him too; before then I hadn’t thought about him that much, there was no reason too. The only times he’s come to visit were for 5 days on thanksgiving weekend in 2005 and for 2 days on March 13^th and 14^th in 2010. I honestly wish I had his influence growing up, teaching me how to talk to girls and other things; it would have made the process a lot easier because I didn’t have anyone else to guide me. I always hear people talking about how much they love their mothers and how they’re constantly there for them but truthfully I hated mine. I remember every slap, every hit, and every beating I’ve ever taken and they still resonate with me as much as they did then to this day. My mom has gotten better and I give her credit for trying but I feel it’s all fake because honestly I don’t think people change. My dad wasn’t much better, he would sit idly by as I would get slapped so hard, marks were left on my skin. My brother had a similar experience with my mom but wasn’t beaten as much, I remember when we stayed on the phone for more than 2 hours one day discussing his and my problems and it felt wonderful to connect with him like that because we never got the chance to before he left. My mother wasn’t abusive, I would say really unpleasant but I’ve grown to appreciate a bit more. She wants a relationship with me where we can talk and be close but I could never give her that satisfaction, not after all that she did; that connection between us was dead before it began. However I look back at my life and I have no regret. Although I might have learned things other kids would have learned much sooner with their family support I’m happy to say I made to this point in my life without anyone else’s help… well not entirely. Now I’m in the midst of a promising music career and the opportunity for success is within my reach and I have the work ethic and the passion to reach it.