FRO12 BMD

I hate it when I actually really study and I blank out when the test is put in front of me. Like I understand everything while I’m studying… maybe I’m just a bad test taker. But it sucks to see my efforts going nowhere.

I know you’ve always said how you were tired of being the nice guy, and that’s how you’ve come to be who you are today. But have you ever thought; maybe I’m tired of being the nice one too? How come I have to go through how I feel right now because you were the one who got hurt by someone else? All I ever tried to prove to you was how much I really love you & that my feelings aren’t just a phase. I know I ended up doing and saying a lot of things that were uncalled for but in all honesty I was just so damn scared of losing you. I always try to better myself to prove to you that I won’t let myself be that naive little girl that let her insecurities get the best of her anymore, but have any of my efforts ever met your eyes? It sucks, not knowing when I let myself become so vulnerable to one person & not caring regardless of how many times I let myself get hurt. All this time my heart has convinced me that you are worth it & what we had just simply can’t be given up on. The road ahead of me doesn’t lead a way to a life without you being important to me, it’s like fighting to the very end is my only option. But no matter how much you mean to me, I can’t help but wonder if my importance even exists inside your heart, or have you just lost all faith in me already? Cause it really seems like it. It hurts, it really does & it just feels more uncomfortable with each day passing.

Most of my life I was never really sure of what I wanted, until it came to you. You showed me a different way to look at things and changed everything. It’s my fault you’re not mine anymore, it’s my fault I never realize what I have until it’s gone. But so much has passed now that when I look back I wish I could slap myself for doing/saying the things I did at those moments. My eyes have been opened up, for real – and never have I felt so much regret on my mistakes in my life. But what can I do now? I don’t even have the guts to try and be the way I was with you before. I feel like nothing but an annoyance to you, like I might as well be better off as a wall. I don’t want to feel this way either, trust me. It hurts. But no matter what I do, where I go, everything will always go back to you.

Don’t know why people don’t take escalators for the 3rd floor or possibly the 5th. Like a little exercise would do some people good. It doesn’t take that long & since I do take the escalator to the 3rd & 5th, I would know that it doesn’t take too long. Why not use the elevator for higher floors like the 8th  or 11th 🙁

Seems like some freshman have all the answers to the worlds problems, both political and social.  Must be experts since they’ve taken Communications, right?  It’s interesting that the worlds greatest minds and leaders haven’t stumbled upon or considered their solutions. 🙂

It makes me sad when the escalators don’t work 🙁

There is really no point investing money into the escalators when half the time it doesn’t even work especially during peak hours. I guess this is why Baruch is notorious for having terrible escalators.

All the time.

Especially in the 23rd st. building.

The elevator just stalls at each floor. And the doors don’t close even if you press the close button.

I just think it’s ridiculous sometimes how people will try to get onto a crowded elevator when they simply need to go one floor up. The amount of effort you need to take to walk up one flight of stairs isn’t hard compared to the squeezing and cramping in the elevator.

Another free-write… This time I’m supposed to write about my most embarrassing situation. There’s no way I’m going to do that. I’ll just write random words to make it look like I’m doing the assignment. “Bubbles. Clown. Cards. Slippers. Pineapple. Cinnamon”. Okay, this is getting kind of boring now. Wow, everyone else is still writing. They look so focused. I wonder what they’re writing about. Their stories are probably so different. I mean, they must be since each person in here is so different from one another. I never actually noticed it before: The people here come from so many different backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, and religions. It’s SO different from all of the other schools I’ve attended where we all had the same religion. My last school was actually an all-girls school. Yeah, I guess I had a pretty limited upbringing. This is so refreshing though. A variety of people. Finally. Now that I’m thinking about it, this is probably one of the reasons that I like Baruch. It’s kind of awesome that I have friends that come from like five different nationalities. Imagine if the whole world could be like this classroom. Imagine if people could just embrace their differences, no matter how big or drastic they are, and get along with one another or, at the very least, sit next to each other and not fight or argue. That would be pretty amazing. Everyone living in peace. If it’s possible in this school it must be possible in the rest of the world. Oh, time’s up. I’ll just jot down a few more words to fill up the paper. “peace, happy, friends, diversity, Baruch.” There. That should be enough.