The other day I found something on tumblr that mentions how the sibling order take part in the personality of the person. It says that the oldest child is most likely to come off as bossy becuase they have to have responsibility at a young age. They are people pleasers and tend to stay in relationships longer, they are perfectionist and put themselves under lots of pressure. The middle child is often the rebel, they often feel as if their life was not fair. They are independent and very stubborn. The youngest child most likely will behave as if they are the only child, they like attention and being liked by others, They are able to manipulate people into doing what they want.

Its scary how that this tumblr post is so realistic. I am the youngest child. 

Mulan is pretty cool 🙂

FOOD. Why can something that is taken for granted bring me such joy? Food can be the determining factor in whether i have a good day or a bad day. Whether I’m happy or sad. Grumpy or extremely happy. I eat until I get that sickening, “I’ll pop if I stuff one more piece of food in my mouth” feeling. Maybe the fact that my dad used to be a chef made me feel this way or the fact that all of my grandparents used to always make sure we had a good meal on Sundays..well whatever it is I just know I get chills when I eat something good. I love bacon, turkey, turkey bacon, chicken, ham, pizza, baked ziti, collared greens, potato salad, pancakes, plantains, bagels, sausage, spaghetti, garlic bread, steak, macaroni and cheese, and any form of potatoes. When I say any kind I mean any kind… baked, mashed, boiled, wedged, fried, crinkle cut, roasted, or grilled. Add a little bit or seasoning and ketchup and I’ll be the happiest girl you’ve ever met. Does candy count as a food? Or desserts? I love those too. I feel like I’m leaving some things out. But the sad thing is that being in college and being on a scholarship budget has stripped me of the ability to even afford half of these things. On a regular day, I’ll wake up late of course, run out of the house and buy a bagel with cream cheese, eat dollar pizza for lunch and a sandwich for dinner. I definitely eat well on my days off, though. It’s good that my metabolism hasn’t slowed down yet because I’m sure I would gain about 50 pounds easy..did I mention you would never catch me exercising. I love food but there are some that I hate like fried chicken, watermelon, eggs, mushrooms, anything with barbecue sauce, any type of animal intestine, or anything that smells funny. the weird thing is I have no idea how to cook which probably would be a useful skill for someone like me. Maybe I’ll learn soon or I’ll find someone that can…i would marry them just for that. That wouldn’t be shallow, just smart.

I have always wanted to go away to school. Its something ive always talked about and something my parents were forced to accept. Being from Long Island, the city has been a place I could easily go to with friends and a place ive have wanted to live in for as long as I can remember. In the months leading up to move in day I was so excited and couldn’t wait to be on my own and have the freedom I have now. I thought about everything a college bound person thinks about before moving in. What my room would look like, how I would get along with my roommate, how many friends I would make, how difficult my classes would be and if I would like any of my professors. The one question that never crossed my mind was how much would I miss home? The answer to that neglected question, as much as I hate to admit it, is a lot. Yes I know I’m close to home and I have the luxury of going whenever I like but I still feel like im a thousand miles away. I wanted to like it here so badly, and don’t get me wrong I do. Ive just never been so homesick. I wanted to move out of my house so much that I never realized how important the feeling of home was to me. Every morning I wake up, get on the subway and go to school and then come back to my dorm. When I walk in the door all I have is a bed and a desk waiting for me. I know that I am so lucky to be living in New York City and I am so appreciative of the opportunities that I have been given but I just cant help but constantly wish I was at home. I miss walking into the door and immediately feeling a sense of comfort and security. I almost feel guilty for feeling this way because ive aspired to be in the position im in now for so long. The more and more that I think about the way I feel the more I cant help but think, whats wrong with being at home? Why should I feel guilty for being homesick? Over the last two months I have realized something very important. No matter how old I get or where I am living, home will always be a place of solace, and relief. There will never be a time where I cant walk in the front door and feel comfortable and secure. As I continue to grow older and as my life continues to change one thing will always remain the same….there is no place like home.

Starting with the basics, I was born in Brooklyn, New York. My mom is Italian and my dad is Ukrainian. I’m what some have called a “cafeteria Catholic”, a Catholic who tends to pick and choose what they do and don’t believe.  A little bit of this, not so much of that. I have an average sized family, an older brother Michael and a younger sister Justine. I have a cat named Mallory and a hamster named Toby. I enjoy baking, speaking Italian, the Lord of the Rings trilogy and historical trivia. These are all very basic, things that someone who hasn’t known me very long might know and therefore not very interesting. However, maybe the most basic thing about me says the most about me. My name is Lenore. It’s from a poem by Edgar Allan Poe called “The Raven”. The poem itself is from the gothic genre and is a little dark but beautiful nonetheless.  It’s about a man who is stricken with grief over the loss of his love, Lenore and is haunted by her memory in the form of a raven. Now I don’t want to drive anyone crazy but I have always wanted to be someone who leaves a strong impression. Like Poe, the poem’s author, it has always been my dream to do this through writing. For me, writing is everything. I live it and I breathe it and I love it. Author Carlos Ruis Zafon said “Every book, every volume you see here, has a soul. The soul of the person who wrote it and of those who read it and lived and dreamed with it. Every time a book changes hands, every time someone runs his eyes down its pages, its spirit grows and strengthens.” I don’t want to drive anyone crazy. I just want to be a part of this flow of ideas.

Below is a picture of the Simpson’s parody of Poe’s “The Raven” during one of the Treehouse of Horrors episodes.

For the past six years there has been a question that I have been asking myself repeatedly- “Is there a reason for me to live?” The reason I ask myself this question is because unfortunately I have diabetes. I’ve been a diabetic since I was the age of 12. Diabetes is a chronic condition where the pancreas produces little or no insulin to the body.  It’s been a living hell for me. Every day and every night I would have to prick myself with needles. I would have to wear a patch on my body 24/7. It really has been tough for me. I remember the day I became a diabetic better than anything. It was a Sunday morning. My dad realized that I had been going to the bathroom several times within an hour and drinking more water than anything. Since my brother was already a diabetic, he knew the drill. He told me to go check my blood sugar level, and it showed HIGH. The very next day I was taken to the hospital where my brothers’ doctor informed my parents that I had been diagnosed with diabetes. When she left the room, they began crying. I on the other hand, the little innocent kid that I was, had no idea what was going on. I thought it was a joke nothing crazy, so I told them everything was going to be ok. I was wrong, everything just got tougher. Six years of constant pain, constant worries, constant distraction from the real beauty of life is what I had ahead of me. It took me until recently to finally realize that yes  there is a reason to live. I have come to understand that what I have is not a curse it is a gift. Diabetes is a gift that has made me the person who I am today. I thank god day in and day out that I have diabetes and nothing worse. Who am I to complain when there are people that I have to spend their day in hospital or in wheelchairs. Thankfully, today there are medicines to help regulate my sugar levels and keep me looking healthy. People always tell me to enjoy life to the fullest, and that what I plan on doing no matter what gets in my way.

So… what to write about?

Should I write about coming to the city?

How this urban, concrete jungle is a stark contrast to my suburban, almost rural upbringing?

Should I write about how listening to the cars speed by on FDR Drive all hours of the night has become almost as soothing as the train back home faintly chugging by?

Should I mention how nice it is to smell pollution over the smell of cow manure and fresh mulch from the local farm?

Or maybe how I’m begrudgingly adjusting to my curfew in the city because I never needed one in Pennsylvania until I moved to the projects

Should I write about how I miss my dog more and more every day because my Aunt and Uncle have an annoying, yappy little chihuahua that barks nonstop?

Should I mention how I made a promise to myself before school to be a happier, more outgoing version of myself and I am obviously failing miserably?

Or maybe I should talk about how this entire experience doesn’t feel real

How I feel like I’m going through the motions of day to day life because I get caught up in the ebb and flow of the city

Always on the go, never stopping, tuning out the world through my headphones, just being another New Yorker

It feels so surreal some days

And when I’m finally home, sitting on the couch, playing Left 4 Dead with my dog in my lap like nothing has changed; I almost don’t believe that this is my life

Almost…

But do I really want to talk about this?

Naw, it’s too sappy, too personal.

So… what should I write about?

Who am I?

I’m quiet and shy. I speak my mind about things I am passionate about. I’m an athlete. I would die without the game of basketball. I am lazy, if it does not involve basketball I do not want to do it. I am a student, even though I hate school.

I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece, and a best friend. The most important person  to me is my grandmother, she is my role model. My sisters are my world, mess with them and I will hurt you. My parents, I know it’s bad, but I depend on them for everything. I am a “Mommy’s Girl” and  “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

I love the color pink. I love apple juice. I love cartoons. I love chicken tenders and french fries. I love to wear Jordans. I love LeBron James. I love the UNC Tar Heels. I love Chris Brown and Wiz Khalifa. I love strawberries. I love red velvet cake. I love 2K13. I love to shop. I love to eat. I love dogs.

I hate liars. I hate red. I hate seafood. I hate the news. I hate to dress up. I hate Kobe Bryant. I hate watermelons. I hate coconuts. I hate homework. I hate classwork. I hate when people ask what I want to be when I grow up because I give them the same answer every time. I DON’T KNOW. I hate bugs and cats.

So ummmmm yeahhhhhhhh that is somewhat who I am. 🙂 

Alexander Joseph

“Unexpected”

Since I have your attention for about the next 90 seconds, you better listen up.  Every other day I participant in an activity in which my mom hates!  I drive down to this designated place, and start to stretch.  Don’t want to pull a muscle; I hear my dads voice in the back of my head.  A lot of people ask why I do it; it’s just a good way to relieve stress.  I then start to gear up.  Wrap my hands, tie my boots, and finally put the gloves on.  In case your getting the wrong impression, I am talking about fighting.  Yes, that is right, little old Alex, a fighter.  Who would of ever expected it?  I mean I’m short and friendly, well at least I think.  When I tell people I’ve been fighting in MMA, which is mixed martial arts for those of you who are still stuck in the past, and Shotokan style a lot of people’s minds are blown.  And no, in case you’re thinking I break blocks of wood with my hands, or I am a master with nunchucks, you are gravely mistaken.  See your place of work might be in an office, or delivering papers or teaching a class, but mine is inside a six fenced caged, where two fighters beat each other half to death.  I still train everyday, apparently I am very good when it comes to hand to hand boxing, but I am not so good on the floor.  Unfortunately MMA is a mixture of boxing and grappling, a lot of people tell me to quit and just do boxing, which I did do for 2 years, but I don’t want to label myself a quitter.  Because I am not a quitter!!! Never have been never will be.  In 2010, I won first place in the United States 15-16 year old Super Lightweight division.  I faced kids from all over the US and won.  Do you know what it is like to win a competition like that?  The feeling is unreal having all those people cheer for you.  I knew I was good but I didn’t know I was that good!  I am going to enter a tournament called NAGA in February this is a tournament that tests your grappling skills, and you know what, I plan on taking first place.  You know why?  Because I am good at what I do!  And anyone who thinks otherwise can come see me in the cage!

The Subway

The subway is a major part of my life now that I go to Baruch College. When on the subway you in counter many different circumstances that have to deal with your 5 senses.The screeching sound of the subway pulling up makes me realize my long day I have ahead of me.Whats that smell? it smells like a blend of garbage and and nasty body oder. Oh wait its just the subway plat form.What is that touching my arms?Its the over population of people trying to get on to the same train.Why cant I breathe? It’s the people on the same subway train as me packed like sardines in a air sealed can.Why am I sweating? The temperature down in the subway is the most un bearable and un comfortable feeling.How are these men break dancing with this cluster of people in the way?The subway is both negative in which it makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes, but it’s also a positive because you expierence many interesting things and people everyday.

A player gets traded for another player. A different player gets sent down to the minors for a couple in favor of another player being called up. A free agent is offered a 4 year-$24 million deal from a certain team. A coach is fired, another one is hired. The trade deadline comes and goes, but no moves are made even though the team is right in the middle of the playoff chase. Who makes all these moves, all these decisions? Well yes, the owner has the final say of approval or disapproval, but ultimately is the general manager that makes all these moves, comes up with creative trades to better the team, and finds a coach to lead the team. This is what I want to do when I’m older.

Ever since I was a little kid, maybe 5 or 6 years old, I’ve been in love with sports. Not just a couple, but many of them. Nearly my entire life I’ve been following football, soccer, hockey, basketball, tennis, baseball. I’ve even been following a couple of college sports, college basketball and college football. With all this love that I have for sports, I’ve always wondered what if I could control a team. What if I could be the one making those decisions of who to trade, who to sign, and who to fire. I think it would be the perfect job for me, and I think I’d do very well. I’m always keeping up with as many players as I possibly can in each sport, including the up and coming youngsters that each gm must pay attention to. I’m always looking around the leagues to see what moves my favorite team could make, and am always looking to see if the salary and contracts could match up.

I do plan on pursuing this dream of mine, but what sport would I go after the hardest to get in to? Well take out tennis because there’s no general manger there and take out soccer because the coach really makes the final decisions on those things. That leaves football, hockey, basketball, and baseball that I would go after. As I said earlier though, I’m always keeping up with the up and coming players and I’m always paying attention to young players. I also love paying attention to the minor leagues and how the top prospects are performing there. I’d definitely love to deal with prospects, and if I was gm of a rebuilding team, try to stack up as many top prospects as I can.  That’s why I’d ultimately love to be the general manager of a hockey team in the NHL or a baseball team in the MLB. Those two sports, those two leagues, both have a big emphasis on prospects and have quite a few minor teams. I feel that because of that, a general manager in those sports would have the most decisions to make and the most players to worry about, but also the most options if a move was to be made.

As I have stated, I’d love to become gm of a professional team, mainly either in the MLB or NHL, but I’d be happy in the NFL or NBA as well. I’m going to keep studying and working hard in hopes of achieving my goal, but for now I’ll just continue to play fantasy sports on Yahoo! and ESPN.