Author Archives: xavier.garcia

Young Cubba-lubba, By Xavier Garcia

I walked into this semester a black bear.  A very, light-skinned, black bear.

As a  young cub, left by his momma bear to fight for his life against other cubs, I walked into Bearuch University with the goal of not dying to the hands of a baller bear.

The other cubs were pretty hardcore, and they came from all over the world to fight as well.

Going in feeling like a wuss, I shunned everyone around me so that they didn’t know how unequipped I was to fight other cubs.

I began to work hard so that I could slap other cubs in the face with my epicness.  My bear teachers didn’t really understand where I was coming from, and thought that maybe I was just a weird cub.

Then they saw my potential as a pro-status cub, and other cubs began to befriend me because I was owning other cubs in the arena.

I enjoyed my status as the well-liked cub, but I knew my status would be lost as soon as I began to show my realness.   So I withheld my true insanity and acted as calm as an energetic young cub could.

Time began to pass faster and faster.  I began losing control of my ability to stabilize my wild cub thoughts.  During one of the lessons from a bear teacher, my broken cub brain started to break-down.  It was like mini-nuclear bombs were going off in my hairy head.  I thought I was going to die from being dumb.

But an angel arrived from the heavens.  One of the chillest cubs I’ve ever met ended up in my classes.  He was a boss, because he understood my insanity and could match my awkwardness with his own crazy bear activities.

Even though he was a cub from a far land that I didn’t know about, he was exactly like me in so many ways.  I tried not to be weird around him.  We just ended up being hilarious around each other, while the other cubs just looked and didn’t get it.

Unfortunately, my fun would only last until my teachers began to give me less and less accolades; as the steam from my initial awesomeness in classes cooled off more and more.

But a cub with a bro-cub just feels more and more powerful.  And as a cub with a dream, I hope to brawl my way to the top, while helping other cubs who felt lost like I did to be the best they can.  This semester I’ve learned that being a young cub doesn’t really matter.  What matters is how tough you can be, both mentally and physically, and how winning only takes teamwork and sexy effort; like a bear.

Oh Hai Dere.  My Naim Is Mr. Garcia.

Uno: I think I am an extremely strange person.  Everything about my life is pretty contradictory.  I am quiet almost all the time, but my mind is like a never-ending rave with small children (I don’t think about small children, FYI……..[ugh, forget it]).  Ummm, I am from New York City so I am like every other condescending City Kid who thinks he’s better than Non-City Kids and laughs at homeless people.  I try to be the least stereotypical person at everything, so I stray from the mainstream as much as possible. My skin may be “caramel” but my personality ranges from all colors of the double rainbow.  The Internet runs 80% of my life, so I’m basically like every other ADHD durp nerd.  I’m constantly thinking about Fate and how much it wants to destroy my plans so that it can keep life interesting.  My mood swings like a baby with a jet engine on its diaper rotating in a mini-hammock.  Like Pearl, I consider myself an epic cynical troll. I probably won’t give you my true opinion on things unless I really know you; so don’t trust anything that comes out of my mouth. 

Deux: I am very afraid of getting someone pregnant.  Not because I hook-up with enough girls (or basically, uh, any), but because getting someone pregnant is just something you do in college.  I also don’t want to turn too homosexual.  Not because I am homophobic, whatsoever.  In fact, I’ve grown up living in a predominantly Gay neighborhood (Alphabet City, Downtown Lower East Side) and have enjoyed the company of every Gay/Lesbian person I’ve met.  However, there are ALOT of really hot azn dudes in Baruch and I can’t stop lookin’.  I just can’t –.-.  My last concern is failing out of Baruch.  This is my second time attempting my freshman semester (actually, Joanna was my last Freshman Seminar instructor, go figures), because all my classes dropped a year and a half ago because of the BS medical bureaucracy that comes along with every CUNY College.  Anywho, my goal is to get through these next few months without another epic fail, which probably means I just jinxed myself and I am totally screwed.

*Caroline had awesome pictures so I feel I must insert random things*

Le Threes:  I have gone to predominantly white high schools all my life, so I’m going to have to get used to the extensive diversity at Baruch (WELL DUH).  I’ve always wanted to broaden my horizons socially.  I USED TO indulge in the intake of mari-jah-huana in HS, so I’ll have to get used to not being ridiculously retarded 24/7 (no offense to the ridiculously retarded).  I was never consistent in high school so I want to try and focus a little harder in all my classes, while staying true to my derped out mentality and questionably off-putting sense of humor.  I’m going to try and not offend anybody but if I do just let me know because I am not someone who likes drama or is interested in hurting other people (#representGhalib).  I also was never in a long-term relationship with high school chicks because I had less than 0 personality and the women I would go after looked like a mixture of dirt/butter who also had 0 personality.  I’m going to try and be less of a nerd at Baruch but it seems like that is more justified here than any other school I’ve ever been to, so let’s seeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

16x=64:  I hope this semester will slowly take away all the weird factors about my personality.  Maybe I’ll get some clothes that don’t make me look like the homeless people I try not to laugh at.  Maybe I’ll start going to parties and doing things that normal people do.  It’s going to be interesting and I hope everyone understands me a little better by the end of the semester.  Probably not though; probably not.

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