Blog Post #2: Xiuyan’s monologue

I migrated from China with my family on May 28^th, 2009. Life has been changed when I moved to America since everything was totally different as in my hometown, and I felt that was most challenging time of my life. This took me a long time to acclimatize the new environment. After one year, everything was getting on the right track, but I felt certainly responsible to myself and my family. At present, I have to take care of my children, and think of their future, and I don’t have that much free time. I need think how to feed my children and my family. I know my mother is exhausted with my children, when I go to school, she need to take care them. I really appreciate about my mother’s sacrifice. In addition, I don’t think that I am good-tempered. I was not that respect to my mother, especially when I was so tired. It is impossible for me to sleep very well at night, and so many things I need to be response, so does my mother. Sometimes, I just felt which way is belong to me? How can I choose my life? Is that right way for me? Do I need to keep in that way? Where is my future? And so on… I know that is the life I have been chosen, there is no way to whip round, and it is useless to regret. In fact, I know that is not so good, but sometimes I just couldn’t control myself. I really felt sorry about that. I don’t want my mother felt unhappy. She sacrifices herself for our family so many years, without any complain. How about me? For now, I did not give back anything to her, except burdens. When I asked her, what do you want? Her answer always is as long as you all fine with everything. Then I will tell her, if one day, she leaves, how can I alive without her. My mother is most important than every person, and everything for me. I love her.