My Mind. . .

My mind is a tornado of thoughts. It’s like a teenagers messy room. I want to leave my mother’s house, but am I ready to be on my own? I can take care of myself in all ways except financially. I’ve never had it easy and nothing was handed to me. I had to work hard for everything I have. My mother raised me without my father because he had other plans. Although he makes an effort, I only see him once a year during summer vacations. I miss my Gran-Gran. I was just a baby when she passed, but she was the only one who could stop me from crying when my mother couldn’t. My mom always tells me stories about her so I can always remember what a wonderful woman she was. I don’t know how I feel about school yet. I’m happy that I started after taking a semester off, but it’s taking some time for me to adjust. I think I have too much going on at once. I just feel exhausted mentally and physically. I found out my grandfather has cancer and my own mother couldn’t even tell me. Isn’t that something I should know ? Do they think I can’t handle it because Gran-Gran died of cancer? I’d rather know now so I can try to prepare myself if something happens (God forbid). I wouldn’t want to find out when it’s time to say goodbye and at the same time find out that everyone knew except me. I would be hurt, angry, sad and more all at the same time. At least now I know what to expect. All of my friends have moved and went away to college and I’m still at home. I could have went away but I knew it would be hard on my mom and staying was easier for the both of us. But everything isn’t bad, I’ve taught myself to find the bright side to every situation and make it work for me. At Baruch I’ve made a few friends that make going to school worth it. They make me laugh and make the days go by smoother. Before I started talking to people at Baruch, each day felt like a drag, especially those two hour breaks. on an even better note, MY birthday is next month, May 24th 🙂 .My mind is all over the place and my yearly trip to Barbados is the only way to get it together for next semester. I can’t wait till July 31st. . .