Fabian’s Monologue

I don’t know man, I really don’t. I thought I was going places; I was going to make it big. Then it all went away. I don’t even know what happened. It seems I should go home and tell my mom I’m a failure, that I wasn’t good enough. But that won’t do. I’m not a failure. How can I fail if I haven’t even attempted anything? Yeah, I was going to make it big, but make it big in what? I never had a plan, but more importantly I don’t think I ever wanted a plan. Maybe just hanging on to that sentiment was enough. Hanging on to the feeling that I was making a difference was fulfilling. And I never really cared that I wasn’t actually doing anything. And I don’t really care now either, to be honest.
I guess sometimes you ask yourself questions that you already know the answers to just to feel better. I just want to live my life. I want to have fun with my family and friends, the people I care about, and not worry about much. But there’s so much to worry about, and I just can’t bring myself to worry about it. Getting an education so I can get a job to support me is something that I should probably find important. I don’t find it that important at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the world doesn’t need progress. The key to moving society forward is definitely education. But does that mean that everyone is cut out to push society forward? I don’t think so. It’s definitely not for me. Some might say that makes me a bad person. Maybe it does. But is education really the only way? As a society we’ve become so focused on technology and progress, on money, that we’ve forgotten our fundamentals. People don’t seem to enjoy life the same way I do.
Maybe it’s just a problem of the times changing. Maybe I’m just bad with keeping up. But I don’t really need to keep up. It should definitely be reasonable for everyone to coexist, leading different types of lifestyles, but it’s becoming harder by the day. Society has a way of making us focus on things such as getting a degree, or settling down. I just want to adventure. I want to experience the world in its natural state, to go around having exciting experiences, meeting interesting people. Granted, it is definitely possible to do these things in today’s society, but it still doesn’t warrant a sense of carefree-ness. Yeah, I think I just made up a word, but it’s accurate.
I guess I’ll just have to deal with it. Maybe it’s just a problem of me not experiencing enough yet. There’s probably something that I’ll find enjoyable. That’s part of the reason I’m even in college. I’d be content with just a regular job, just getting by, but I really want to gain more perspective. I’m sure everything will work out.