Author Archives: kc151332

Up to this month, I would say college was pretty manageable.  Of course it also helps that I only go to school twice a week.  But I haven’t felt stressed until this month–all because of the upcoming and ominous finals.

I am accustomed to doing a lot of work.  In high school, I loaded my schedule with AP/Honors classes.  I was always busy juggling my studies with extracurricular activities.  But I felt satisfied at the end of the day, knowing that all my hard work would lead me to my desired college.  And then life happened:  I realized I couldn’t afford to go to my dream college.  It was during my senior year when this dawned on me.  I looked up at some of my report cards hanging on my wall, the number of books swallowing the whole surface area of my desk, and reminisced about all of my future plans.  Then I experienced somewhat of a meltdown, but I wasn’t about to give up.  In the midst of the busiest month of my senior year–with AP tests around the corner, a million essays to finish, and so forth–I dedicated whatever was left of my free time to writing a scholarship essay about Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead.” Even though the contest was open to all juniors around the world, I had this false sense of hope that I would be the victor and be the receiver of the $10,000 prize money.  I suppose I was fooling myself out of desperation.  Then you can guess what happened next.  It was like a big slap on the face, losing at something you sacrificed so much for.  Then I got slapped in the face several more times after that.  In summation, sh*t happened.

After taking the fall semester off, and blablablablabla…I ended up at Baruch College.  It’s bearable and maybe in the future, I’ll be able to say enjoyable.  But right now, I just can’t wait for the semester to be over.  The highlight of the whole semester was when my English Professor informed me that it is perfectly grammatically correct to start a sentence with “And” or “But.”  It’s just hard to enjoy where you are when you want to be somewhere else.  “Whatever,” I tell myself, “suck it up.”

PLAYLIST:              http://grooveshark.com/playlist/Playlist/83538027 (NOTE: If nothing comes up, copying and pasting should do the trick instead of clicking on the link.)

1. You Only Live Once–The Strokes

2. Let It Be–Across the Universe Soundtrack

3. Keep Breathing–Ingrid Michaelson

4. Under the Weather–KT Tunstall

5. Lovely–Sara Haze

6. Somewhere In My Memory–Home Alone Soundtrack

7. Talk Shows On Mute–Incubus

8. Baby I’m A Fool–Melody Gardot

9. Details in the Fabric–Jason Mraz

10. Science and Faith–The Script

I suppose some of these songs have overlapping themes: learning how to accept differences, how to cope with problems, loving oneself and others, faith, and the tendency to mask one’s self.

“You Only Live Once” talks about how there are certain people who “think they’re always right”, “quiet and uptight”, and “seem so very nice…[but] inside might feel sad and wrong”. Such attitudes are the reason why people fight over differing beliefs.  I confess that depending on the situation, I have displayed each and every one of these described qualities but as much as possible, I try to be tolerant and respect other views.

“Let It Be” repeatedly chants, “There will be an answer, let it be,” in its chorus almost as if it is simultaneously chanting “Que sera sera.” The latter, along with “Details In the Fabric,” which reminds me to “calm down” and take “deep breaths” instead of “running around and pulling on [my] threads and breaking [myself] up,” and “Keep Breathing,” echo the words of my mother about facing problems with determination and optimism.

“Under the Weather” reminds me that I am never alone in my sadness. But in  this particular song,the singer talks about not feeling left out whenever she is melancholy because like her, everybody else also feels despair to some extent. And I suppose I understand how she feels because nobody likes feeling like they’re the only miserable person in the world. Personally, this song helps me become more considerate towards others because you never know what someone is going through beyond the surface.

“Somewhere In My Memory,” on a lighter note, is included in this list simply because of my love for Christmas and the Home Alone.

“Talk Shows On Mute” focuses on how people try to build a facade of perfection for public appearance when “[they] are so much more endearing” by just being themselves. Succumbing to my humanity, I ,too, am guilty of this offense. This is a trait that I find difficult to change because I always try to strive for perfection in everything I do–and it gets exhausting.  Which brings me to “Lovely.” We’ve all heard it before: “Love yourself”, “Accept your flaws”, etc. However, it’s much easier said than done. Ultimately, I do try to live up to these cliches and accept that whatever I am should be “enough for me.”     

“Baby I’m A Fool” is included because at the end of the day I am like every other love crazed college student. Nowadays, old fashioned romancing is considered out of date, but I long for the likes of Mr. Darcy (which is really self-punishment because almost every man out there is a disappointment compared to him).

“Faith and Science” talks about how there are certain things that cannot be explained via logic/reasoning. This ties to my Christian faith.