Keli’s monologue

As I was trying to find something interesting to write about my life, I couldn’t find anything that was really interesting at  this period living in NY, except my group of friends that I really, really LIKE! But when I start thinking about my past, my hands begin shaking and I stop for a moment just to recall what really happened July 16 ..

She was young, beautiful and she loved to watch other people smiling even that she didn’t smile a lot. We were best friends, because our passion for painting our word, our thoughts was the same. We loved to paint together during our sleepovers as we talked about everything : friends, family, our teenage life ect. She was not the school-type and I liked to go to school, not only to study but also to hang out with my other friends because it was somehow a way to kill time. Our favorite spot was a place called ” SteelWings”, a little bar when you could drink beers and smoke cigarettes without being  21. We always went there and tried to make our days interesting because in Albania there was not much to do, but when we were together, it was perfect. Maybe I can’t find the best words in English to describe her as she really was, calm, intelligent and kind, but I know that somehow, everyone can understand me because they know that when you have a best friend, it’s the same as having another sister or brother.

Anyway, to describe her can take an infinite number of pages, so I will go straight at the day when I realized that life is not always as we want it to be… It was a normal day as usual; me going to school and life going on, normal and boring stuff. When I finished my school,  I went at the bar to meet her, but she wasn’t there and it felt strange, and I knew that something was going on. I immediately decided to go at her home, because that was the only place I could find her except the bar. The door was open, and that was strange. I pushed the door and I started walking towards her room but then I stopped for a second. What was happening? I only remember that I found myself crying after two hours carrying a letter with very few words : Mom, dad and Keli, I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.

I don’t want to continue writing about this, because I can’t and i don’t want to cause any dramatic scenes but I’m fine, or better yet i convinced myself that I am.. I stopped painting and I will never find a best friend like her, and I love her even that i’m really really angry with her leaving me with this, but I will be okay, because life goes on..