Alex’s Monologue

It will be amazing if I ask him, Whats my birthday? and he answers January 24, 1995. Although I am more than sure that he doesn’t know that, probably doesn’t even care. Maybe is because he is a man, and things like that are left for woman to remember. I remember his birthday February 8.

I have always been a straight A/B student, never got a C or lower. Well, at least until I got to college. Point is, I have always tried to be the perfect son, even when that meant giving up my dreams, to make him proud. Yet, all I have received from him is this weird gaze, where I can’t tell if his proud or just disappointed in me.Why?, because he doesn’t talk to me!!!

Disappointment in my family is big deal, at least for me. They start looking at you with eyes that makes you want to kill yourself. You will hear them asking themselves, “Where did I go wrong?”. They don’t blame you, they blame themselves, leaving you with this feeling of guilt, that makes you mad.

It has been more than two months since I talked to him. Last thing I remember saying to him was “Feliz ano nuevo

!!”. And then he replying “thank you”. I already said happy new year, why should he say what has already been said?

The problem is that this situation is annoying me again. Everyday, I try my best to put this smile on my face, yet people are beginning to notice is a fake. I just don’t want to return to my high school years, smashing $500 dollars phones into the wall, having no friends, because they looked at me with the same eyes they look at someone who just got out of jail.Unstable, and having a teacher tell me to write all my feelings down on paper, when all I wanted was to break things.People’s faces mostly, those people that go around without a care in the world, and seem to have life all figured out. But that would be wrong of me.

By now I have wasted about 10 dollars calling him. I have made up my mind not to call him and wait for him to call me.

I am the oldest, and the only boy.One would think that he would be more interested in my life than that of my sisters, but he doesn’t care about theirs either. He has five children and only one lives with him, all the others are neglected.

All I want is a call, just to talk to him for at least a minute. Just to ask him if he is ok. I wouldn’t mind giving up my dreams if only for once he says or at least shows that he cares, not just for me, but also for my other sisters who feel the same way as I do.