Author Archives: eva.tam
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You Were Born to be a Firework, Baby
Jenny and Eva’s Digital Essay
Since Jenny and I discovered that we were both working on a similar theme of self acceptance, we decided to collaborate on this digital essay to produce something simple but meaningful. Her poem was “Hanging Fire” by Audre Lorde which was about the deep emotion that someone feels when he/she can’t accept his/her physical characteristics because he/she believes that they are full of flaws. These people feel real pain and sadness wondering why they have all these said imperfections and questioning themselves why they can’t look better, perform better, aren’t better than others that they see. They don’t see a bright future for themselves because they are blinded by all the flaws that they find staring at them in the eyes, covering them from true reality. I chose the poem “Song of Myself” by Walt Whitman because I wanted to explore the other side of this theme of self acceptance which is those people that are able to celebrate themselves on being exactly who they are. Whitman uses a universal “I” that allows any person to relate despite different walks of life. This poem does not discriminate against anyone because of gender, race, age, religion, sexual orientation or cultural background making it an anthem for everyone. In these words, people can feel comfort because they know that they are worth something in this world and they should flaunt what makes them unique instead of seeing these aspects as flaws. I think that combined, Jenny and I convey both sides of this theme from those who hate themselves and that with hope they will come to embrace themselves.
When it came to thinking of what we wanted to do for the video, we decided that we wanted to create something with no words but simply told a story through images like the “emerging from the Subway” video that we saw. In the beginning of the video, we wanted to show the raw hurt and pain of those that are depressed because they feel they are of no value. They can’t accept themselves because all they see are flaws glaring at them. In the middle of the video, we wanted to display the options that these depressed people have by taking an action of some sort such as writing all their thoughts down in poetry or journal entry form and in talking about it with others among other options. In this way, they may come to realize the pain they are inflicting towards themselves and that with time they will know that they are perfect exactly the way they are. The end of the video shows the light at the end of the tunnel where though they may not realize it, there is hope for these depressed people to love themselves and ultimately accept that they are who they are. There is no need to try to conform to a societal standard of perfection which is impossible and fake. Instead, being true to themselves is perfection. When we were thinking of what background music to use, we decided against lyrical because we felt that words may take away from the simplicity of pure emotion. For the transitional song, we opted to use an instrumental rendition of Katy Perry’s “Firework” which starts out slowly and progressively becomes slightly more upbeat. Finally, we used an instrumental rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” because this is really an anthem of self acceptance and she is the Queen of Self – Acceptance.
Hope that you all enjoy and remember to “show em’ what you’re worth!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0BRap296KI
Special thanks to Jenny for being such an AWESOME partner and letting us combine our creative minds! 😀
Born to do this Digital Essay Baby
heyy everyone!
Since Jenny and I were both so inspired and influenced by Malisa’s amazing post about perfection and how hard it is to accept yourself with all your perceived flaws, we decided that we would collaborate on a video and hopefully come up with something awesome. If my memory serves me right, she proposed to do something with the more painful side of the difficulties people have in flaunting who they are and the role that they play in this harsh world because of the judgment, stigma, and ridicule that they have to face. I am thinking of adding on to that with also showing some of the hope that is coming out in present times and that even when they are feeling at their lowest, there is comfort in knowing somewhere out there someone is willing accept you exactly the way you are. We haven’t quite fully mapped out what we’re going to do but I really liked the simplicity of the “emerging from the subway” video and how it told an unspoken story. I think that we’re going to have some darker images of people struggling to accept who they are and maybe show that there is some light in the world. I would also like to incorporate some music; some with darker tones but also developing into hopeful perhaps lyrical music.
As a last note, in the same episode of the “Born this Way” Glee they also sang a mash up of “Unpretty” by TLC and “I Feel Pretty” by West Side Story comparing the two sides of how people feel about themselves and that they can bring themselves down. Sometimes you are your biggest critic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DBEdshgTUY
Ideas for Paper #3 and the Digital Essay
As I begin thinking of which poet and ultimately which poem to write my final paper for this class, I feel sort of torn between Audre Lourde and Gertrude Stein. Both have such unique writing styles and the subjects of their poems are completely different. Lourde, as we learned, is the queen of writing excellent sentences with just few simple words. However, Stein is the queen of repetition which brings such power to what she is writing about. I now understand what Professor Kaufman meant about her comment of being very Gertrude Stein when we had to write a speech in Ehrenreich’s voice and use a literary element from “The Birthmark” which my group had repetition. I think I might be leaning towards working on a piece from Stein because I have been learning and experiencing much repetition in my own writing due to analyzing “Hills like White Elephants” and understanding the power of the message that stays in your head.
In thinking about the digital essay part of the paper, I admit I am still a little frightened by the notion that I have to create something so visual that snapshots what my thesis will be. I have only recorded short snippets on my six year old camera no longer than thirty seconds. I have seen YouTube videos with collages of pictures, music and short movies and I have never really thought that I could accomplish something like that. After seeing the sample ones in class, I feel somewhat more assured that it is possible to create a masterpiece and that we can interpret how we want to show our thesis in different ways. As of now I guess I might be working alone but that might be subject to change of course after we find out what people want to work on and if there are similar topics. As for ideas of the video itself, I like visuals a lot such as artwork and words that really stand out. I also really appreciate music because that helps videos to flow and also I have always listened to music more for the lyrics then the actual rhythm and beats. I would like to incorporate some of these aspects into my final masterpiece.
Not Feeling Creative Enough to Come Up With A Creative Title :D
I feel like I am able to be creative everyday but what the creativity is applying to is what matters. Creativity to me is not just thinking of things and using my imagination to create something out of the blue but also analyzing a specific situation and using what is presented in front of me to create new thoughts of my own and how I choose to analyze what the next step is. Each of us are creative in our own right every day because we see the world through our own eyes and we have to think about what we are going to do with this input of information. Creativity sometimes just comes out on its own when you have that spark of an idea that just pops into your head like an “ahah!” moment. You may try to be creative by seeing how other people do things and then try to come up with your own approach in figuring out the same answer or solution. Creativity may also just come from a random moment when images start forming in your head and they begin building themselves into a bigger picture. Creativity makes itself apparent throughout every day of your life because it’s that unexpectedness even to yourself that makes something special come alive. You didn’t think that you had it in you but once it’s brought to fruition, you can be proud of the fact that your creativity is unlike any other person’s.
I think sometimes I feel comfortable living in ambiguity because it allows you to interpret the situation in your own terms and how it applies to your own life. You can’t know every detail about every piece of information that is in the world because your brain might turn to mush but this gives you the opportunity to keep exploring and thinking of alternative scenarios which can be creative. I feel that it is okay not to understand something from time to time because that allows me to try to come up with an answer or explanation on my own and also discuss with others what they think about it. This exchange of thoughts and opinions helps all of us gain new perspectives so that even though we may not have thought of that before and may not agree with it, we can understand that there are other arguments in how to interpret the facts presented in front of us. Sometimes it is kind of exciting to be confused because that just gives us greater incentive to figure it out on our own or with the help of others. We have that thirst for education and knowledge because it is embedded within us that we need to know what stuff is about and why it has to be that way. If we understood everything in this vast universe of information, we would all be living boring lives of repeating everything that we know and trying to come up with something new to figure out and discover.
I Once Was Blind, But Now I See
After reading “Cathedral,” I do feel that Raymond Carver did take his own advice in adding a little tension in his short story. From the beginning, even before the narrator meets Robert, the blind man, he feels a sense of menace and a feeling of threat towards him. The narrator was already annoyed that his wife had kept in touch with this mysterious man that she worked for once during a summer ten years ago and that he had asked to feel every feature of her face. If that’s not creepy enough for him, the narrator learns that Robert recently lost his wife and was even surprised he had a wife to begin with. He even goes so far to say that he felt sorry for the wife because she would never experience a compliment from Robert or even have him see her facial expressions. The true imminent tension between the two men would be when the wife announced that Robert would be coming to stay at the house for a visit. The narrator of course was ecstatic to have this blind stranger in his house.
However, as the story continued, the narrator seemed to begin accepting Robert’s presence or at least he was going to kick him out. This was apparent when he was listing things that blind people shouldn’t be doing or having and yet Robert was breaking every one of these. He had a full beard, liked his Scotch undiluted, he smoked a great deal of cigarettes, he had an animal like appetite, and he even owned both black and white and color TV sets as well as knowing the difference. The tension in the beginning of the story was significant because it was almost over the top in how a person could not like a blind person, a stranger in fact, too such great extent that he’s going out of his way not to like him.
I think the true detail that gave this story a satisfying ending though not explicitly written was when the narrator finally let go of his intolerance and really began connecting with Robert. It began when they both started smoking blunts. This to me symbolized the easing of the tension between the two of them because of course marijuana is a drug used to make people feel relaxed. Also, I feel that this was when the narrator began opening his closed mind a bit because marijuana is known for expanding your mind. At this stage, the narrator was almost impressed with this blind man, Robert, and began trying to describe to him what cathedrals looked like. The narrator couldn’t quite come up with what he felt was an adequate description of the majesty and immense beauty of such a tall structure of great magnitude.
What gave this story such a satisfying ending for me was when the narrator attempted to draw what he thought the cathedral looked like while Robert felt the clean lines with his fingers. Robert had asked the narrator to close his eyes and when he did, he felt an epiphany. He knew that he was inside his house yet he felt like he wasn’t inside anything. Just pure unending space. Only then did he truly have a glimpse in what Robert’s perspective of life was every single day.
Metaphorically, the blind man had been able to see the entire time while the seeing was in fact blind. But as it says in the Holy Bible, “I once was blind, but now I see.”
Blame it on the Alcohol
When I first began reading “Hills Like White Elephants” by Ernest Hemingway, I immediately noticed how it started with a rather detailed description of where the story was taking place which was somewhere warm and dry. As I continued reading, I realized it was in Spain somewhere because of the mention of Barcelona and Madrid. Hemingway wanted to slip in the fact that he spent much of his time there. The story started with an American man and a girl which seemed innocent enough. However, when she asked if they could drink beer, I found it a little odd since Hemingway specifically said girl and not woman which in my mind made me think that she was younger. It was clear that this story was going to be structured in a mostly dialogue fashion between the man and the girl and with a few interjections by the lady selling the alcohol. As the story progressed, I couldn’t shake the fact that all they were talking about were alcoholic drinks and in my mind I wanted to say get to the point! The girl had mentioned the white hills in the distance looking like white elephants which is a totally acceptable conclusion to draw since they’re big, round, and kind of bulge into the sky. Then when the man starts talking about a simple operation I then understood what the little biography about Hemingway was saying and how this text was a cleverly disguised story about abortion. The white elephants reference then made more sense because when women are pregnant they usually consider themselves feeling like giant elephants. However this also made me think that the abortion issue was kind of the big elephant in the room that everyone knew was there but no one wanted to say anything about it. The man and the girl were going back and forth about whether she should go through with this and talked about the fact that if they did, they would be much happier afterwards. I felt sad because I believe that babies should be given a chance to experience this world but happiness of course takes many different forms and they may well be happier. What struck me after reading this story was when the man said that he didn’t want to have the baby and that she should go through with the abortion because he didn’t want to have anyone else but her. That was just such a “really? oh come on” moment to me. It’s nice that she responds by basically telling him to shut up and drop it. I noticed throughout the story that she was the one that was excessively drinking the alcohol asking to try a new drink or if they could order more beers. This made me feel that she intentionally wanted to harm the baby on her own because of course pregnancy and alcohol don’t mix. At the end of the story she says “I feel fine. There’s nothing wrong with me. I feel fine.” I’m not certain but I feel that she said that because either the alcohol really got to her and thus the baby or she knew she was going to go through with the abortion.
couldn’t help but think throughout reading this story the influence of alcohol. i love Glee so i had to put this rendition in. Yep they were all hungover when performing.
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/fHvSBIqlYlY" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]
Response #2 – Eva Tam
From what I remember of my high school senior psychology class about Sigmund Freud, the psychoanalyst, was that he believed childhood experiences built up what a person would become in the future and if he would develop mommy or daddy issues such as the Oedipus or Electra complexes. I also remember that he was a firm believer in the body’s natural ability to regress meaning the mind’s defense system leading to the temporary or long-term return of the ego to an earlier stage of development rather than handling unacceptable desires in a more adult way. I think that Freud performed many studies and took observations of children because to him they would be able to explain various problems that people develop as an adult and they unlock some of the hidden complexities in the mind. All of this has something to do with what Freud explains in Chapter 2 of his text Beyond the Pleasure Principle about “children’s play,” and more specifically a game of “disappearance and return” or “fort da.”
Freud saw a specific correlation between pleasure and pain when he observed the son of the couple that he was staying with during the war. He watched as the little boy would throw his toys as far away as he could to the corners of the room or under the bed and loudly state “o-o-o-oh” which he meant as “go away” or “fort.” One clear portrayal of this was when he threw his wooden reel with a piece of string wound around it holding it by the string and watched as it disappeared on his cot. Then he would pull the string and the reel would reappear again or “Da” meaning “there.” The little boy seemed to intentionally allow himself to feel a sense of sadness when the toy was away in order to experience the joy it brings when he was successfully able to return it. Freud concludes that this game is a method in relating what the little boy feels to when his mother has to leave him alone for hours on end. Undoubtedly he feels a sense of pain because he has such a strong connection with her but when she finally returns, he is able to celebrate the fact. Because he needs a way to occupy his time during those long hours, he puts his feelings into his actions, performing this game over and over, in order to play out what will be the eventual reality. He is almost readying himself through this manner in order to achieve his optimal happiness of reuniting with his mother.
The little boy’s game of disappearance and return can loosely be related to Plato’s concept of the “allegory of the cave” in that they both show how in order to feel happiness one needs to experience a pain for comparison. This portrays the pleasure principle in which the body allows itself to feel an unpleasant hurt in order for it to strive towards the reward of pleasure associated with a kind of happiness. The little boy’s throwing of his toy to the point of disappearance can be seen as being in a cave where one’s happiness is diminished or perhaps hiding. However, once the toy is brought to reappearance it is like a person being removed from the shackles in the cave and being allowed to step into the light where so much beauty is displayed. It is a constant cyclical process in that no one can continually be happy but must enter a state of darkness or lowness in order to come back to the top where light reigns.
In class, when we were asked to formulate our own “allegory of the cave” comparison, I referred to happiness as being like a roller coaster. It is a slow steady rise to the top where there one can see everything in the park clearly. Once one reaches the peak, it might be a fast downward drop where one fears what is going to happen and might reach the point of being at the very bottom. Yet there is another peak that can be reached though it might be a smaller one and one has a larger momentum to reach it more quickly. Though one rides the roller coaster and experiences ups and downs and at different speeds, at the end of the ride one feels a sense of enjoyment, accomplishment and maybe even be as far to say he was happy to have gone through the experience.
