Abstract
In this essay, I will be talking about a teachable moment that I had in life. A moment that showed me how to let go of people and fight the burden and pain while letting go of someone that I was once attached to. This essay will show a broad narrative to my situation and experience and what actions I took to reach this teachable moment.
Attachment
A teachable moment in life. A moment where realization comes into place, where your mind and heart find peace within the war, where your eyes open from being blind within all the deep thoughts that gathered in your mind. For me, it was when I learned how to let go of people that led me to have a teachable moment in life. When I learned how to let go of what I was once attached to, something I never wanted to let go of so easily. And the same questions kept repeating in my head: Who are those people to me? What did I do to them to treat me like this? Am I the problem? And so many more questions that led me to daydream, overthink and blank out in the middle of something. Many times, I blame myself. I have to go through this situation. People mean a lot to me, but do they feel the same? I see them laugh and be happy with me, but way happier when they are with others. I am very aware that people can forget but never was I ever ready to admit and accept it.
The actions within the attachments
I never really make friends by myself, but when I do, I make sure that I give them all the love that I have to offer. Making people happy and feeling loved was always the intention behind my efforts. But I honestly never felt like anyone would give me the same energy back that I would let out. For a time being I would believe it, but I end up getting disappointed by the expectations I have among people that I’m attached to. Since childhood, it has never been easy for me to start something with people due to the fact that I was bullied and hated by everyone around me. I may have had one or two friends, but back then at the age of 9, I would already feel whether something would last long or not. And my feelings were always pretty accurate and right. It wasn’t too bad, I mean I had some great memories. Memories of temporary happiness that I missed and wished to live again.
Hello, best friend…
Here it goes, my last year in high school mainly being alone without anyone around me and I honestly enjoyed it. The cycle of temporary friendships went on and on up until the point where I hated making new friends or socializing with people. It was after the pandemic that I was sick of approaching anyone or even saying anything. Returning to in-person classes, it felt like people just remembered that I existed. But I wasn’t too upset about it, I mean, it was all based on what I expected. I felt really independent and I didn’t really have to worry about anyone other than me. However, in life sometimes, some promises you make to yourself won’t always last. I may have told myself that I won’t make any new friends or attachments, but not long after the second and last semester of my senior year started, I met my so-called best friend. She just got out of a toxic relationship, she first held back and didn’t want to talk to me when she still was with her ex together in a long-distance relationship. But once she got out of it, she opened up to me and told me everything about it. She was 17 years old at that time, also from the Philippines like me, we had a lot in common like speaking the same native language, similar music tastes, and favorite foods, but what made us really close was the fact that we both understood each other’s life problems and struggles very well since they are pretty similar and relatable to us. We would sit on a park bench and talk for hours about how horrible this life can be. At the same time, however, we would fight over the smallest things like late chat replies and not updating each other during the day. But at the end of the day, we both would agree that we were meant to meet each other in life.
Changes
I would see my best friend at least once a week. It became a regular thing for us to go out, eat something at K-town and shop afterward, stay at her home, and watch movies or talk about life while listening to our shared playlist. It was a great time and I was happy. However, things started to change between us. She became frequently colder to me and very bipolar. I would always think to myself that she was just not in the mood or was just tired from school but when I would see her with her classmates or other people, she looked so cheerful, very happy and more clingy and close than she was with me. We are very honest with each other, so I didn’t hesitate to open up to her about how I felt. She told me not to worry about it and that she was just showing me the real side of her and hiding from other people. I didn’t have any other option other than just going with the flow and believing it. The days started to become very different each time we would meet. One day everything was normal and another day she wouldn’t even wanna look at me and stayed silent. It was different from what we had and I was worried that she might get tired of me but in the end, I didn’t want to overthink it each time we’d see each other.
Jealousy
I couldn’t help myself to hide this one thought I have about our friendship, but I know once she gets into a relationship, everything will surely end and she will distance herself from me. Although I felt like it was wrong, my feelings couldn’t help themselves other than feeling jealous of other people talking to her. She would less and less give me her attention. I didn’t have to tell her how exactly I felt because I know that she knows how I currently feel. She knows me so well, she can read me picture-clear like an open book. I kept denying it whenever she confronted me about it. I didn’t want to show her the way I was feeling because of how awkward it might get but that didn’t help and instead of talking about it, it became an argument that led us to not text or talk to each other for a while.
Farwell…
And here we are at the end of what was predicted. It was heavy for me to carry this burden, to feel the same pain I felt before I was having this “best friendship”. I would a couple of days later find out that she is in a relationship and it hurts to be the last one to know about it. That’s the end right here, the end that I hoped I would never encounter within our friendship. We became what they call strangers with memories, a pair of people who once knew each other and suddenly pretend as if they’d never met. But she seemed to be happier without me. She laughs and smiles and forgets all her problems. Maybe the right happiness that she was looking for wasn’t available to me but to other people. It felt like I was used to helping her out of her healing stage so she could put me in mine, but that’s fine with me if that was the reason why we were supposed to meet in life. As long as she’s happy, I will be happy as well because I have no other choice other than continue with my life just like she’s currently doing. Farwell…
Realization
Straight to the point, people come and go for various reasons. As much as someone wants to hope for “forever”, there is no such thing that proves that forever exists within anything. I may have my doors closed right now for new people in my life but as I claimed earlier, I won’t be able to keep my door shut “forever”. People change so that you can learn to let go of them. We let people into our lives for the pleasure of feeling alive together, to relate to each other’s feelings and emotions. With that being said, the time has come when I realized that everyone that been in your life has been there for a reason, to teach you, to love you, or to experience life with you, but in the end, you are the only one that has full control over your life, you get to choose where your heading and end up in. And people may follow you in between all the paths you take in life, but some may head to another path apart from you. That’s life.