How Can an Essay Gain from Change?

“Jay, this is not right! How can I ever do something so carelessly? I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I don’t even sleep anymore. I killed it all!” my uncle said with a grievous tone. He was not referring to taking another person’s life but my uncle spoke as if he was directly responsible for a homicide.

“How did you kill it all, uncle?” I asked. I knew he was an extremely successful music executive through 1980’s and early 2000’s. He instructed me to look at President Obama and to think of what brought him to the White House. “That’s someone who has ‘It’!” he stated. “What does he have?” I replied? He responded in a ministerial tone; “it’s clear he has a whole lot of things but he most definitely has a plan!”

It was November the 5th 2008. The day after President Obama was first elected. “I killed it all!” my uncle said. His expression was odd, but then I thought; what might one learn from a killer? There are so many reasons why one should never kill; but in my uncle’s line of work it was a hit after-hit after –hit! He believed he was invincible.

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I believe these changes produce a different tone in the essay because it forces the reader right into the drama. For example, the opening sentence in paragraph one introduces that there is a problem. Although, I appreciate the first draft because election of President Obama was a historic day internationally and it may prompt readers to continue on because of their personal connection to that day.

The second arrangement is useful but not as suspenseful compared to the original. Furthermore, being that it is a really short essay this paragraph adjustment does not sustain the bewilderment of the reader.

This exercise was useful because I was able to consider the different perspectives in pursuing my essay. It is definitely a tool that I would employ more often.  This device can also give anew view for those who suffer from writers block and it can motivate them to create from afresh perspective.