-
Recent Posts
Recent Comments
- CSmith on The Capstone Essay
- CSmith on Cover Letter
- CSmith on The Capstone Essay
- Tenzin Jamyang on The First Draft For The Lyric Essay
- Tenzin Jamyang on The Cover Letter
Archives
Categories
Meta
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.
Amzad,
First I would like to say your writing was NOT boring. I was very enlightening and beautifully written. You have a beautiful way with words.
Your usage of dialogue was very ‘cute’. I love how you gave the Tree and the Pond life. They were also characters in your story. But most importantly, they were characters who interacted.
Your room mate was a great character as well. A part I really liked regarding him was, “He was my live voice mail service; he was my archive; because I didn’t have a phone. And I was nowhere to be found.” Although, he always ran away, or wasn’t there he still played a great importance in your life. It’s so subtle.
Another character that struck out to me was your room. Your room was more alive (to me) than any other character in your story. It was poetic in a way. Those broken windows, or shall I say open windows were such a big part of your story. They let in as much as they let out. You gave them life and I viewed them as these massive open windows, not even a crack in them.
I had a question regarding your intro vs. your whole essay. I did not understand why you would call yourself a “moron” and “idiot” when, throughout your essay you were very studious and your roommate seemed to be the “dummy.” I see that you enjoyed your friends and you did what young adults do (acting silly), but I did not see you as an “idiot” or “moron.”
Your ending was very powerful. It was a great way to end your poetic writing. It brought you and the reader back to reality as your father tells you that you must leave everything you’ve known to become something, or someone new in the U.S.
Very well written & definitely NOT BORING!
Thank you,
Andrea Hernandez