WRITING CULTURE 2012: Film, Food & Beyond

An Outdated Burger

Wise man once said: it’s easy to be snarky when you sit behind a computer. I’m not going to attempt to refute that morsel of new age wisdom.

Eisenberg’s is a classic New York Sandwich shop. First opened in 1929 it’s been serving classic New York deli and dinner food to the movers and shakers of midtown  Flatiron and Chelsea for over 83 years.  As soon as you It’s clear that this place has been around for more than awhile just based on the decor. It’s old, and cramped with fixed stools at the counter. A counter that includes coat hooks, perfect for a rain soaked afternoon in late fall. On the walls are pictures of Eisenberg’s owners with all the celebrities that have graced the staff with their presence. Everyone from Anthony Bourdain to Tim Allen and the ditzy depressed ex-wife from HBO’s Hung (Anne Heche) are present. Sadly this is where the charm ends.

In between inadvertently eavesdropping  on the conversations of art school Hipsters and Flatiron marketing types, I may have been asked what I wanted to order. I’m pretty sure I asked for a Hamburger cooked medium  well with bacon and fries. I was too confused by the no frills menu to grab anything else, I was also too hungry to have an imagination. Besides if a place can manage to not drop my burger on the floor then it’s probably good at other things, right?

Wrong, apparently Eisenberg’s Sandwich Shop specializes in sandwiches, and unbeknownst to me a hamburger is not a sandwich. What I received was a burger that was half overcooked and half undercooked. The bacon didn’t show up until my burger had begun to cool, and even then it looked  like left over scraps from the morning rush. It did taste like bacon so there’s your objectivity. Fair and balanced.

But not even tasty bacon scraps could not save this burger from being a orange level terrorist threat to the hamburger establishment. My first bites were incredibly dry, something like a cross between cardboard, ground up cartilage and overcooked turkey breast. What was strange was despite the lack of flavor and juice in my mouth there was burger juice running down my arm. Yes, the otherside of my burger was under cooked and still moo’ing. Normally the excess juice would be welcome except that not the entire burger was juicy. Then everything got sort of slippery when I squeezed it for my third bite. Messy is an understatement.

Apparently Eisenberg’s has great sandwiches otherwise it would’ve closed by now. But if it’s your first time at this New York staple do yourself and those poor cows a favor, steer clear of the burgers.

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